Monthly Archives: May 2013

What I Bought Today – X-Men #1 (WARNING – SPOILERS AND MASSIVE BACK-STORY, LOL)

Say what? It’s Friday? Say what?! I bought a Marvel book?! Well, let’s just go ahead and see exactly…

What I Bought Today

Before anyone asks why I decided so quickly after my last post to go ahead and buy a Marvel book, I just wanna give the quick answer right now: When someone is willing to go to the trouble of writing a 13 paragraph essay on why I should at least be willing to give Marvel a chance, I really don’t have any other choice but to do just that, so thank you John W. Bruce for making this decision all the easier on me. Speaking of which, note to self: Apparently asking in the title of a blog entry helps to get feedback. lol With that said, let’s take a look at X-Men #1.

Okay, I gotta go over a couple of things for readers of my blog whom I know for a fact may not be all that familiar with recent happenings in the Marvel Universe, particularly involving the X-Men. So, if I may borrow one of Linkara‘s quotes, it’s now…

Back in 2005, an event comic called House of M has Scarlet Witch losing control of her magic, resulting in her de-powering most of the mutant population. The known number of mutants goes from millions to a couple hundred in an instant. Naturally, not everybody exactly handled this all that well. However, last year, Marvel put on an event known as Avengers vs. X-Men. In it,¬†the Phoenix returned, Hope Summers was to be the one it would possess, and Cyclops decided that was a good thing, because the Phoenix’s powers of rebirth might bring back the mutants, even though anyone written with half a brain told him how idiotic a decision due to the number of people the Phoenix has killed whenever it showed up before. This led to the Avengers trying to stop this outcome, which resulted in the I-don’t-even-feel-like-keeping-track’th time Marvel set heroes against each other for the mass crossover event, as the X-Men who were loyal to Cyclops fought against the Avengers, who were merely trying to place Hope in protective custody. I should note for the record that, by the end of this book, Cyclops is very clearly a villain, becoming the Dark Phoenix himself by choice and killing a number of people, including Professor X. The ultimate outcome of Avengers vs. X-Men was that Hope Summers and the Scarlet Witch were able to wish away the Phoenix, Cyclops was arrested but later escaped prison and became a terrorist, the mutant population went back up to how it was previously due to the spell Scarlet Witch previously cast being broken, and Captain America has reformed the Avengers to include a number of X-Men as a gesture to help with mutant rights, because for some reason, the civilians in Marvel are still ignorant and racist dumbasses. This has also led to the start of Marvel NOW, which was originally believed to be a reboot to compete with DC’s New 52, but has actually proven to be more or less just a whole new series of #1 issues, basically re-establishing the events of the modern universe for newcomers while also progressing everyone’s stories.

This is TOO adorable! ūüėĄ

So, with that said, let’s look at the cast. You got Storm, who in my opinion has ALWAYS been one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe with her ability to manipulate the weather however she sees fit. Then there’s Rachel Summers, AKA Marvel Girl, who is the daughter of Cyclops and Jean Grey, and thus has the same insane levels of telekinetic and telepathic powers her mother did, and then some. Next is Rogue, who can steal powers just by touching someone’s bare skin, and is actually a member of the Uncanny Avengers nowadays, so I guess she’s pulling double duty here. Fourth member of the team is Kitty Pryde, AKA Shadowcat, who is literally untouchable with her ability to phase through solid objects. Next is Psylocke, who is also a telepath/telekinetic, but her preferred ability in combat is to form psychic weapons. And finally, well, now I’m a little confused.

The final member of the group is Jubilee, who WAS a mutant with the ability to shoot…erm, fireworks out of her hands. However, she was among those mutants who were de-powered, and some time afterwards, she was made into a vampire…Yeah, I had no idea that was a thing. I found out last night, and I was like “WHA?!” To keep from losing control of herself, she drinks bottles of Wolverine’s blood (since he has an unlimited amount to spare), which has the added bonus of giving her limited amounts of Logan’s healing powers. All this actually sounds kinda cool…except that they have¬†established she can only handle so much sunlight before it becomes toxic to her, and yet we see her on several occasions in direct sunlight in this comic. Also, there was an image posted a while back of her using her old mutant powers. This has led to a theory that she either was cured of her vampirism, has regained her old powers, and/or has gained increased invulnerability to the sun, possibly all three due to the outcome of Avengers vs. X-Men.

So yeah, that’s the main six protagonists for this book, which brings up a point that everybody online has brought up: This is an X-Men comic with an all-female leading cast. And I gotta say, I love what the book’s writer, Brian Wood, had to say about that…

And I quote…

“I feel like as far as the X-Men go, the women are the X-Men. Cyclops and Wolverine are big names, but taken as a whole, the women kind of rule the franchise. If you look at the entire world as a whole, it’s the females that really dominate and are the most interesting and cool to look at. When you have a great artist drawing them, they look so amazing and always have.” I cannot argue those points, people. But what’s really great about this comic is that it stars a team of women, but it never feels like it’s beating that fact into you. It feels more natural that way.

Anyway, let’s actually get into the story here. It seems that when Sublime, the evil sentient bacteria who is trying to keep mutants from becoming the dominant species (he was created by Grant Morrison, don’t ask questions, lol), arrived on Earth billions of years ago, he had a twin sister named Arkea. The two had a fight over who got to come to Earth, which Sublime won, forcing Arkea to evolve elsewhere while harbouring a deep-rooted need for revenge. Cut to present day, where Jubilee is headed for the Jean Grey School For Higher Learning, along with a baby. No, we’re not in Renesmee territory here, the baby is from a town that got destroyed, supposedly in a terrorist bombing, but some people claimed to have seen a meteorite. She finds she’s being stalked by Sublime and calls the school, which by the way is jam packed with a ton of students, and I pretty much have no idea who the hell ANY of them are. Regardless, Storm, Kitty, and Rogue head out and meet Jubilee on her train, which later has an apparent electrical malfunction that kills the drivers and Rogue has to save everyone on the train.

Meanwhile, Sublime has arrived at the school ahead of Jubilee, and immediately surrenders. He’s not there to start a fight, he’s there for protection. It seems there really WAS a meteorite, and that Arkea was piggybacking on it to get to Earth. So why was he stalking Jubilee earlier? Because apparently, the baby has something of an infection, if you get my drift. Also, Arkea was the one responsible for the train accident, as she can possess machines as Sublime can with people. And it gets better, since Jubilee and the others arrive just as Sublime is explaining the details about his sister, Arkea deciding to send herself in a text message to Hank down in the lab and possess Karima, the Omega Sentinel…Definite pants-to-be-darkened ending.

So, how do I rank this comic? It’s awesome, no doubt. Would I call it the best comic I’ve read this month? No, but it’s pretty high up there. Then again, this is the month where DC gave us this…

And this…

And THIS

“Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down”

…So yeah, that might be influencing me a bit, but honestly, I think I would really like this book regardless, so I will be buying the next issue at the end of June…which means now I gotta re-evaluate my planned pull list for the coming months…dammit. Oh well, at least now I know I CAN enjoy a Marvel comic a lot, and I hope anyone who’s interested will do so too. Ja n√©!

Why I Don’t Buy Marvel, And Why I’m Sorely Tempted To (PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK)

…Okay, I’m sure that at this point, anybody who has talked to me in person can tell someone who only reads my blog on occasion why it is I seem to have a favouritism toward DC comics over Marvel. I’m sure I’ve talked about this topic before, but I pretty much need to lay my reasons out right now. Why? Because…well, I’m getting REALLY tempted to start buying a certain Marvel book, and I need to decide if the pros out-weight the cons here, and also to get everyone else’s feedback. I should also make it clear that I don’t hate Marvel or their characters. Heck, the X-Men was my favourite superhero team as a little kid…except that nowadays, there’s like a hundred of them whom I’ve never heard of, some of whom are actually evil now. So let’s first talk about the reasons I’m tempted to begin buying.

  1. NO REBOOTS. I know that there has been plenty of good to come out of the New 52, but it also has discarded a lot of good that it already has. Marvel NOW, as I understand it, seems less a reboot than it is a plan to bring new people in. Basically, by launching new #1 issues and having them re-explain the characters and their motivations for anyone unfamiliar. They don’t try to change what happened in the past, but rather show how these characters continue to move on in their lives and the various scenarios they’re placed in.
  2. The characters are a bit more relatable. They act more like real people. Now granted, some of the characters in DC have been changed to be more relatable since the reboot, but I think it was done in a somewhat misguided way, and not often handled all that well.
  3. Marvel stories can be dark, but not for the sole reason of being dark. I tend to agree with Linkara in that DC did an overall darkening of their stories as a means to compete with Marvel, thinking that was the key to their increased popularity, wherein it was really because they were generally just better thought-out most of the time. Oh, and before you start, I’m well aware that Marvel has copied DC in the past to compete with them too, I’m not playing favourites here. Seriously, can’t both organizations just do what they do best on their own without trying to copy or one up each other?

So that’s what makes me tempted to get into Marvel books, but what makes me less than thrilled with the idea?

  1. Although the fact that they keep their continuity intact is generally a good thing, it sometimes can get SO long and SO historied that newcomers can get overwhelmed by the mass amount of events that occurred and the huge roster of characters. Even with the internet to keep up to date, it can get hectic and stressing, though not impossible and potentially worth the sweat.
  2. While seeing more relatable characters is usually a good thing, some of these characters seem a bit more fallible than others, to the point where I’d risk being put in the hospital to deck these guys. In particular, I’m referring to Cyclops and Mister Fantastic, both of whom, the more I hear about them, come off more and more as straight up villains than good people doing bad things.
  3. The event comics are just BAD. Every other year, there’s an event comic where the heroes fight each other instead of the bad guys, and it’s kind of annoying after a while. You can do it once in a while, but every other year just seems like it’s milking the idea dry. And if that isn’t bad enough, it’s made worse by events like Avengers Arena¬†(actually, not 100% sure this is an event comic, but I’d hate to think it was planned to be ongoing), where the sole idea behind it is to kill off scores of the younger heroes. To be fair, though, it’s not like DC never did event comics where lots of characters died, and it IS looking like Trinity War is a heroes vs. heroes vs. heroes story.
  4. And ultimately, I come to the biggest reason why I don’t read Marvel, and anyone close to me can attest to this being my reasoning: The reason I don’t read Marvel is Spider-Man. And if you honestly have to ask me what he has to do with this, well, there’s this…

And this…

And oh so magical THIS…

Just remember, Peter, you gave up life with your wife to the devil for life with your Aunt, who is about to rape you. WOW, that decision just keeps getting smarter all the time, eh?

…Now, I’m sure someone will probably say “Well, why don’t you just avoid Spider-Man and event comics?”. And they would have a point…but then, there is this argument that has kept me from buying Marvel for quite some time: If they could do this to Spider-fucking-Man, a superhero who, for a lot of years, was top dog at Marvel, a character who was the hero for a lot of people, myself included, and they could do this to him, NO ONE in Marvel stories is safe. You can call me paranoid for thinking this way, but I really do think it could just as easily happen to any of them. Hell, as I alluded to before, Cyclops and Mister Fantastic have both tread across that line more times than I’d like. Even Iron Man has done some horribly morally questionable acts in the past.

And before you bring up any morally/ethically ambiguous decisions made by DC heroes, let me just point out that I know about some of the worst of them, and to the best of my knowledge, none of them have made literal deals with the devil. Granted, it looked as though Damian would at some point in the future, but it turns out that’s not the case.

Anyway, that’s my arguments for and against buying Marvel. If I decide to go for it, you’ll learn pretty quick which comic I’m looking to begin purchasing. And no, it’s not Deadpool, though I AM occasionally tempted to buy it just based on all the crazy crap that happens in that book. lol Either way, do me a favour and leave your thoughts on the situation below, regardless of if you’re pro Marvel, pro DC, like both, hate both, correcting a mistake in my information, or just wanna help me out. Ja n√©!

What I Bought Today – Earth 2 Annual #1, Yugioh 5Ds Volume 4 (WARNING – SPOILERS)

Say…it’s Wednesday! That means it’s time to check out…

What I Bought Today

So today, I bought a single western comic and a manga volume it feels like I’ve been waiting forever to get, so let’s start off with Earth 2 Annual #1.

Despite what the cover would suggest, this book is not solely about the new Batman. Instead, during the first half of the book, we catch up on The Atom, Al Pratt, as well as taking a look at his survivor’s guilt that he’s going through. He goes on a mission where he allows himself to be captured so that he can have a chase in giant form after a criminal, Henri Roy, piloting a giant robot through the streets of Phnom Penh, all the while wishing Captain Steel could be here instead. Thanks to a little help from the new Batman, who was creeping in the shadows nearby, Pratt loses his own pursuers and brings down Roy, who was sold out by his son, Henri Roy, Jr.

Back with Batman, we seem him in Colmenar Viejo 72 hours later, fighting a supervillain named Mister Icicle,¬†who is either Earth 2 Mister Freeze, meaning James Robinson is really taking this ruling of his to not have an active character on Prime Earth appear in Earth 2, or he’s a revised Icicle. Batman manages to bring him down and interrogate him for some info regarding his boss, Kanto the Assassin of Apokolips, before…um, I’m not sure if he just knocked him out with those close-range explosives or if he just straight up murdered this guy. And before you say it, yes, I know the Golden Age Batman killed people, and so it would technically match up if Earth 2 Batman’s replacement did so, but my own modern views on who and what Batman should be just screams in the back of my head “BATMAN DOESN’T KILL PEOPLE!”. Other than that, I have a suspicion that this Batman might be Jean-Paul Valley, but not 100% sure.

And finally, in the last few pages, we see Mister Miracle and Big fucking Barda cleaning up monsters in the ruins of Gotham City, looking for the new Batman. Seems Big Barda has actually gotten to enjoying fighting giant monsters, and is not looking forward to going against Steppenwolf again, but it seems she’s not getting a choice in the matter, as Fury decides to jump her from behind. Overall, awesome stuff, which makes me all the more sad that James Robinson is leaving the book in a few months. ūüė¶

CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!

Yugioh 5D’s Volume 4. Yes, I collect this manga series. Yes, I loved the show. Sure, the card games on motorcycles was kinda weird, but the characterization was great, the stories were engaging, and here is no different, except that they removed Speed Spells (thank goodness) and made it more like a race. In fact, if you read my Sonic 5D’s fanfic (that I will EVENTUALLY get back to, really), you’ll see the Duels are based a lot on how they work in the manga.

Anyway, in this volume, we see that Yusei Fudo is trying to win the tournament he’s in while also trying to save his friend, Sect, who has fallen under a dark power. To do this, he realises he must obtain the very same type of card Sect received: A Duel Dragon. Naturally, the Jewel Flare Dragon Stardust is a dead ringer for Stardust Dragon, only it’s LIGHT Attribute and has a different effect. In the end, Jack and Kalin begin their duel, only for them both to wind up with their Duel Dragons out on the field at the same time, giving us just enough action for us to want to see more, and then leave us hanging until November…dicks. lol

Anyway, that’s all for today. Next week, we once again travel to Earth 2 to see Captain Steel traverse the Fire Pits, we follow The Movement in their battle against the Coral City Police force, and Harper Row gets in on the action in Detective Comics. Ja n√©!

What I Didn’t Buy Yesterday (And Why I Should Have/Shouldn‚Äôt Have) ‚Äď Justice League #20, Batman: The Dark Knight #20, Batman: Li’l Gotham #2 (WARNING ‚Äď SPOILERS)

So let’s talk about some books that I didn’t buy yesterday, why I should have/shouldn’t have, and ultimately why I didn’t. Let’s start off with Justice League #20.

First off, I only briefly skimmed through this book, and while I’m usually good on picking up details, I may have missed a couple here or there, so if you wanna know the full deal, read the book yourself. Anyway, we get to see the three newbies (Firestorm,¬†Element Woman, and¬†The Atom) take on¬†DESPERO, of all people, who has the¬†Kryptonite¬†ring stolen from the¬†Batcave¬†last month, although he himself didn’t steal it, and it’s been altered to fit his giant fingers. However, while Despero is able to plough through them easily enough, he has less than stellar results when Martian Manhunter makes a surprise arrival at the Watchtower, telling Atom not to reveal that he was there after dispatching Despero, so she has to tell the other Leaguers that she managed to fluke her way into taking him down. After recovering the ring,¬†we learn that, yes, in this continuity,¬†Superman¬†is still the one that gave the Kryptonite ring to¬†Batman, just in case something happened where he was mind controlled or turned to evil or for whatever reason he might be forced to power Supes down. However, he’s less than thrilled when he finds out that there’s a box in the Batcave for each member of the¬†League, each containing a¬†fail-safe¬†for each one. It’s at this point that Batman tells him other reason he doesn’t like the idea of him and Wonder Woman dating, as he shows Clark Diana’s box to reveal there’s nothing inside (shut up, don’t make that joke). Instead, should the need arise, Batman chose Superman to be his fail-safe against Wonder Woman, should the need arise. However, to keep things even, Batman hands him another box: The one containing the fail-safe against Batman, and insists that if Clark is truly his friend, he’ll use it on him if he’s ever turned rogue. We don’t see the contents, but whatever it was, it shocked Superman pretty bad.

So getting back to Rhonda Pineda, the new Atom, I’ve REALLY been enjoying her as a character. She’s smart, witty, and kind of a geek, as she apparently spends her free time shrinking down to enter and play MMORPGs. And yeah, as I made no attempt to conceal, I find her kind of hot, too… … …She’s the mole. She’s the one that hacked the Watchtower database and downloaded the entire history of the Justice League. It’s not entirely her fault, though. She doesn’t want to continue doing this, but she’s being made to. Turns out, she’s a member of the JLA, picked out to be the counter for Element Woman, and forced to do Amanda Waller‘s work.

So yeah, why didn’t I buy this issue? Mostly that, plus money, plus the Shazam mini-story that is, as per the norm, terrible. And I’m just gonna say this now: I’m dropping Justice League of America. Why? Well, remember how I said this book was headed to a not-very-fun place? I’m sorry, but it’s clear to me that the plot of this is essentially Suicide Squad with superheroes, except that some of the heroes on the team aren’t being written to be all that heroic. Just some free advice: When the most heroic members of the team are Vibe, Stargirl, and Steve Trevor, that’s a problem. Why? Because Steve isn’t even a superhero, Stargirl isn’t even an active member of the team and instead being made to work as their public face, and Vibe, while his reintroduction in the reboot has been pretty awesome, is still kinda young and feels out of place at times, like he should’ve been on Titans or something. Oh, and it gets better, because they’ve decided to BRING BACK DOCTOR LIGHT! No no, not the good one, the fucking rapist!…DOCTOR COX, I NEED YOU AGAIN!

THANK YOU, DOCTOR COX! Just…Geoff Johns, NO! Just, NO! I respect the hell outta you, and of course am sad to hear that yer leaving Green Lantern, but NO! There are characters that should be brought back and given a second chance, and there are freaks like this that need to remain dead and buried! NO!

SYMBOLISM!!!11!! OMFGWTFGENIUS!

Batman: The Dark Knight #20. First off, I wanna apologise to someone who shall remain nameless due to a pretty bad argument/discussion that broke out last night over this issue. But I digress, for all of the bad this series has had, this issue is the worst of all, and makes me so glad I dropped it a year ago. The story is pretty much crap, with Bruce continuing to grade to the point where he as a character is only motivated to make his life better by flashbacks of his parents, and Alfred actually starts talking him into considering hanging it up as Batman. But what makes me despise this issue more than any other? Well, remember that time I brought up the stupidity of Batman revealing his true identity to Natalya, the love interest no one cares about?

She’s dead. Oh, and not just dead, but she got the crap kicked out of her by Mad Hatter’s goons and then dropped out of a helicopter straight down onto the Bat Signal (see what I meant about symbolism?)…Y’know, I’ve mentioned before that I wasn’t an active reader before the relaunch, but I’ve heard some pretty sick tales of characters treated like this in comics, particularly women. And frankly, I am sick to death of seeing this shit!

And finally, that leads to Batman: Li’l Gotham #2.

So what are my thoughts on it?…None. Kinda the reason why I didn’t buy it: It was sold out by the time I got to the store. But I’m hoping to get an issue of it soon enough, and then I’ll share my thoughts with y’all…I will say that, even without reading it, it automatically gets points for having Damian in it, alive and well.

So that’s what I did not buy yesterday, though hopefully I buy one of them sooner than later. Leave your comments below, and I will see y’all next time. Ja n√©!

What I Bought Today – Talon #8, Batman Incorporated #11 (WARNING – SPOILERS)

So yeah, despite the fact that I stayed home from my class today, I managed to grab a couple of comics, so let’s take a look at…

What I Bought Today

Let’s not waste¬†any time, and dig into Talon #8.

This one is unfortunately kinda depressing, but I knew it would be, so at least I was prepared going in. The Butcher forces Casey and Sarah to bring him to Calvin Rose, who has died from the attack by Bane. Having suffered major damage in the past year+ between the Night of the Owls and the operations by Calvin and Sebastian Clark, the Grandmaster has had enough and revives Calvin to tell him who Sebastian is working with. With this knowledge, it becomes clear that Clark is now operating out of the island of Santa Prisca. However, before they force Calvin to deal with Clark and Bane, they have another mission they plan to force Calvin to undergo, and that’s deal with another of their rogue Talons: Mary Turner. And if he doesn’t comply, they’ll kill Casey and Sarah. So yeah, if you haven’t figured it out, looks like Talon will be having a crossover with Birds of Prey…Oh joy. I’ll get more into why I’m less than thrilled about that and why I think this crossover is kind of a dumb idea, but at least I can expect the Talon side of it to be well-written.

Batman Incorporated #11 is a bit different. This one kinda takes a break from what’s going on in Gotham as usual illustrator Chris Burnham instead tells a story involving the Batman of Japan, formerly Mr. Unknown, in his…what, third or fourth costume thus far? Anyway, I’m just gonna say this right now, so there is no mistaking my opinion on this book…I LOVE THIS BOOK! It takes Batman-esque storytelling and mixes it with lots of anime and tokusatsu elements, throws it all in a blender, and it comes out GLORIOUS. Jiro’s partner/girlfriend is Shy Crazy¬†Lolita Canary for the Super Young Team, who is¬†a TON of fun, the bad guys look like Power Ranger rip-offs, the way they beat the villain is clever, I just love the whole thing. I’m telling you, when Grant Morrison‘s Batman Incorporated finishes its run, Chris Burnham needs to give Jiro his own book, because this was awesome, and a welcome break from the horrible events going on with Batman in Gotham City.

Well that’s it for today, but check in later this week as I hope to give some glimpses at a couple of books I didn’t buy today. Also, be back in a week from today when hopefully we learn more about the new Batman of Earth 2. Ja n√©!

Some Channel Awesome Related News – Linkara Says “Please Let Ads Play”, Welshy Leaves Internet

So there’s been some news related to TGWTG and Channel Awesome, so I thought I’d give my two cents on them both. First up, let’s talk about an issue that’s come up with Lewis Lovhaug, AKA Linkara, and a number of people¬†who post on Blip. If any of these people mean anything to you, PLEASE watch the video.

…Yeah, first off, I’d just like to thank Lewis for basically saying the same thing I’ve been saying to people who complain about ads in videos. Guys, most ads are what, 30 seconds? Sure, maybe you’ll come across one of those really obnoxious ones that’s like three minutes long, but seriously, you could just mute it and read a comic or something. It’s still LEAGUES better than what we have to deal with on TV. Deal with it.¬†Second, as I brought up on Tumblr, was definitely a good idea of Lewis to post this video on YouTube. While I get that he has his reasons for not posting his videos on YouTube and respect his decision to not do so, messages like this definitely work well by being posted there. They reach a wider audience.¬†The other thing I’d like to note is that, while I don’t have a PayPal account, you can be sure that when I get one, the DVD will likely be among the first things I use it for, and I encourage others to do the same.

The second thing I’d like to talk about is that Welshy recently noted on his Tumblr that he will be leaving TGWTG, as well as the entire flipping internet entirely. He didn’t really wanna talk about why, but some of us already know and understand why it would be necessary for him. Now, this is admittedly kind of awkward for me to comment on as I was never really a big fan of Welshy’s work. However, I do understand his contributions to the site, and I most certainly understand why this is a big loss for them, especially considering that a number of people have left within the past few months (Spoony, Iron Liz, PushingUpRoses, and JewWario). I will say though that this could be an opportunity for other internet reviewers to possibly get in, like SF Debris or Confused Matthew. Still, big shoes to fill.

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to talk about. Leave your comments below, and I’ll see y’all later. Ja n√©!

Tales of Dumbassery Follow-Up: Hornet’s Nest Story FALSE

Well, for anyone who misses when I used to tell stupid stories about my own mistakes and misfortune, you get your wish today, as we look to one of my own, and very recent…

Tales of Dumbassery

…Yeah, gimme a second here, I need to get my story straight. You’ll recall the other day I reported on a story posted by International Business Times involving a man who apparently died after having sex with a hornet’s nest and getting stung to death by said nest’s inhabitants. Naturally, I was kind of in shock that such a thing could happen, that I may have overlooked a couple of details in the story that makes the following statement by IBT seem kind of obvious…

And I quote…

“Unfortunately it turned out the story was a fake from a satirical news website in Sweden called¬†Nyheterna Sverige, which was kindly pointed out by a number of our readers.¬†The original story was spawned from animal rights campaigners who were worried about the well-being of hornets.¬†However, the joke got lost in translation – as well the names of those involved. The neighbour’s name translates to erection and the fetish expert is called genital.”

So yeah, whole thing was a hoax. I probably should’ve figured that out, especially given the line about how he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen before. Now naturally, I assumed he meant the muscle AROUND the pelvic bone since, guess what, BONES DON’T SWELL. However, looking back on it, if they’d meant the muscle around the pelvic bone, they would’ve just said so. So yeah, my bad.¬†The good news in all this, though, is that nobody’s dead, so I don’t have to feel bad about my comments.

…While we’re on the subject, though, I don’t find the joke all that funny. And no, it’s not because I fell for it, I think someone who makes fun of themselves as often as I do would be okay with that. I just feel that this wasn’t all that funny. It honestly comes off as gross-out humour used specifically for the fact that they couldn’t think of anything better. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

But yeah, I still reported on a story that turned out to be false, and for that, I apologise. But hey, gave me something to make fun of myself with, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste. Ja n√©!

Jyger’s Rant – Superman: Unbound (WARNING – SPOILERS)

So it’s been a long time since I reviewed something, and recently I found a certain movie on the Movie Network and got my Mom to record it for me. And now that I’ve watched it a couple of times (once alone, and once with N. Harmonik), I feel confident that I can give a fair review of Superman: Unbound. If you have not seen the movie, I’m sorry, but there will be spoilers here. If you don’t want to know what happens, turn back now.

After saving Lois Lane for the trillionth time (although this time with an unexpected assist from the badass Supergirl), Superman returns to the Daily Planet¬†as Clark Kent and, after a small issue with Steve Lombard, gets chewed out by Lois because they’ve apparently been dating for some time, but in secret. However, this is¬†interrupted¬†as Superman has to leave to battle a robot that actually manages to hurt him. Superman ultimately beats it down, though, and takes it back to the Fortress of Solitude, where Supergirl recognizes it: Many of them attacked the Krypton capital city of Kandor just a short time before Krypton’s destruction. Under the rule of their master, Brainiac, they killed many Kryptonians before the city was miniaturized and taken aboard Brainiac’s ship.

With this knowledge, and knowing Brainiac could someday come to Earth, Superman decides to track the foe down, eventually finding him in the middle of an attack on another planet. While he starts to kick ass, a Solar Aggressor missile to the planet’s sun causes a shockwave that destroys the planet and knocks Superman unconscious. Though Superman regains consciousness and starts to fight his way through robots, along the way discovering that Brainiac¬†has shrunken down cities from worlds all over the galaxy and then bottled them, Brainiac ultimately levels him and learns of his and Kara’s presence on Earth, setting course for there as he shrinks Superman down into the bottled city of Kandor. Despite his power fading due to a red sun placed over Kandor, Superman meets with Kara’s parents and formulates a plan to escape, disconnecting Brainiac from his ship before heading back to Earth with Kandor in hand.

I like to pretend that Lois is actually sending this to Scott Lobdell and whoever else was in charge of making the changes to her character in the New 52.

Unfortunately, even disconnected from it, the ship is an extension of Brainiac himself, and is still able to send enough small orders to it to reconnect himself and set course for Earth. Superman and Supergirl aid the military in defending Metropolis, but it is ultimately bottled and the two heroes are captured and tortured. However, Superman is able to summon all his strength and break himself and Supergirl free, leading to one last brawl between himself and Brainiac down on Earth as he exploits Brainiac’s biggest flaw: He doesn’t really understand the worlds he attacks outside of the controlled cities he keeps bottled up. His mind can’t handle the strain of the constant cars honking, birds chirping, planes taking off, bugs buzzing all around, mud soaking his body, and all the sounds, sights, and sensations that make up life on Earth. Superman pummels his weakened foe until finally the strain of it all burns Brainiac down to slag. And so the movie ends with Superman returning Metropolis to normal, releasing Kandor on a planet with a red sun, and deciding not only to be open about his relationship with Lois, but even proposing marriage…all the while, the remains of Brainiac turn out to still be active in the Fortress of Solitude.

So let’s talk about some of the things I liked. First off, Supergirl is a BADASS. Sure, when Brainiac and his forces actually show up, she wants to run for it, but I tend to chalk it up to post-traumatic stress. Remember, in this movie, she had only recently awoken from stasis, so the attack on Kandor was only a few weeks ago for her. And speaking of badass women, I LOVE Lois Lane in this movie. They nailed her personality completely right. Naturally, Superman is awesome too, and we get to see him fighting smart and using an opponent’s weaknesses against them, which is always more fun than just seeing him plough through his foes…not that I don’t enjoy that at times as well.

Now for some stuff I didn’t like. The first thing to note: Some of the designs are kind of odd to me. While I love Lois’ personality, I’m not sure what the motivation was for her appearance. Likewise, some of the colours don’t seem quite right to me. For example, it always bugs me to see Superman and Supergirl in the same room and not have the same colour-scheme, particularly that the blue on Superman has an olive tinge, and Supergirl’s blue has a violet tinge. And finally, while I haven’t read Superman: Brainiac, I do know a lot of what happens in it, and there’s one thing I know for a fact they changed: By this point in the comics, Lois and Clark had been married for YEARS. Not sure why they changed that, but since the ending seems to allude to a sequel, it’s possible that they want to do a movie about them getting married later, so I’ll try not to complain.

One change I wanna bring up that I actually approve of: Superman releasing Kandor on a planet with a red sun, which I can assume we can refer to as New Krypton. In the comics, he released it in the Arctic, not that far from the Fortress of Solitude…I should note that before I looked up the full details of the New Krypton stories in the comics, I told N. Harmonik that the idea of a whole city full of Supermen showing up out of no where would be a nightmare in the making. AND IT WAS, for the exact reasons I said it would be: Not every last Kryptonian can be expected to have the same value system that Superman demonstrates. Also, with certain governments being untrustful and paranoid, it would only take one small incident with the Kryptonians to cause war to break out. And again, IT DID.

Anyway, my overall thoughts? I like this movie a lot. I apologise for having not read the comic it’s based off of, and who knows, I may yet someday. If yer a fan of Superman, I think you’ll really like this…Speaking of which, one of these days, I need to get back to writing up my review of Justice League: Hereafter. But yeah, leave your own thoughts on the movie below, and I’ll see y’all later. Ja n√©!

Tales of Dumbassery – “To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea”

Well, this week, PinkRangerWannabe went out on the world-wide interweb, found a horrible story, and brought it back here for a little segment I like to call…

Tales of Dumbassery

And yes, I actually have a reason for parodying the intro to WTFIWWY?, for if today’s story was on that show, this would be the part where Tara would say “THAT DOESN’T GO THERE!” Now, before we get into this story, I want to make it clear that I’m not generally the type to find amusement in death, regardless of person or cause. Death is tragic and should not be taken so lightly. So I don’t want anyone to think I find the fact that this person died funny. Rather, I simply want to call into question the intelligence level on this man who did this…

Today, it was announced by the International Business Times that a man in Sweden had died after being stung to death by hornets…because, according to the autopsy and evidence left behind, he was attempting to have sex with the hornet’s nest. No, I do not have photos. And no, I do not know if any exist, because I don’t want to know. Apparently the 35-year-old had been stung so badly (reportedly 146 times) that when his neighbour found him, he was so swollen that his neighbour thought he was a whale carcass. Again, not making fun. That is what was actually reported. Oh, but here’s the kicker, folks: A¬†psychologist and expert on sex fantasies, Siv During Livh,¬†told the news site…

And I quote…

“To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea.” NAWWWW! And here I thought maybe sticking one’s dick in a hornet’s nest would open the door to Kingdom Hearts! I don’t know what’s dumber, the fact that this person actually made that statement like most rational thinking people wouldn’t already know that, or that apparently there is a fetish for that. And I know, there’s some freaky fetishes out there, but this has to be one of the dumbest that ANYONE could have, because unless your intent is to die, it’s not gonna fucking work!

Oh, and this is REALLY good. Apparently the neighbour reported that he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen in his entire life…Um, I’m sorry, but there is no way to hear that sentence and not want to immediately ask the obvious question, “How many swollen pelvic bones have you seen in your life?”.

Believe it or not, folks, I’m trying SO hard not to make fun of this man, but it’s kinda hard when THIS was the exact conversation Pink and I had when she brought this up…

PinkRangerWannabe: Give the man a Darwin award.
Jyger85: ………………………………………………….What the heck? o.O

Anyway, I’m sorry if I crossed some lines with this story, but I honestly am just not sure what to make of this one. Hit me back with your own thoughts, and hopefully we won’t have a story quite this idiotic again in a long time. Ja n√©!

What I Bought Today – Batgirl #20, Nightwing #20, Supergirl #20 (WARNING – SPOILERS)

Hey guys! Say, I do believe it’s Wednesday! I think that means it’s time’s to look at…

What I Bought Today

I got three books to look at this week, so let’s not waste any time and check out Batgirl #20!

And if the cover wasn’t a big enough clue, the new Ventriloquist is FUCKING CRAZY!

So Barbara is in a seriously bad place following her accidental murder of her brother and her father deciding to try and hunt her down, so much so that she removes the Bat symbol from her costume, seeing herself as no longer deserving of the honour…Yeah, kinda on the fence as to whether or not someone should tell them that James is alive again and working for Amanda Waller and her Suicide Squad. But either way, Batgirl doesn’t have much time to worry, as a new, female, and far creepier Ventriloquist holds a judge at a talent show hostage. Oh, and apparently this Ventriloquist has the ability to reflect Batarangs. Not sure how that works, but I guess we’ll find out next month, as Barbara’s personal Hell continues.

Nightwing #20…Okay, I REALLY like this comic, but I gotta bring something up. You know how a lot of women in superhero comics are drawn in a way that’s done very clearly to¬†titillate¬†the male audience? Y’know, the tight fitting costumes, the provocative poses, the ass shots, etc? Well, I can’t help but feel like Nightwing is being drawn to titillate the female audience. What do I mean? Well, pretty much because of shots like this…

And trust me, they get worse. lol

Look, I know Nightwing has always been kind of the pretty boy of the Bat Family, but this is pushing it a bit, isn’t it? Anyway, other than that, the story continues to explore the situation in Chicago, as well as just how freaking insane Prankster is. Also, we get introduced to Nightwing’s room-mate’s possible girlfriend or bff who I’m sure will likely end up being Dick Grayson Potential Girlfriend number 5 million and something. Seriously, Dick’s love life is messed up.

Supergirl #20 was a ton of fun, and it’s awesome to see Supergirl and Power Girl not only working together, but playing off each other for comedy. Sadly, no sign of Lex Luthor, as the villain for this issue is Supergirl’s Sanctuary itself, who seems to think that Supergirl is a clone and Power Girl is the original, then proceeds to try to murder “Not-Kara” as she calls her. However, PG ain’t having any of that, and the two manage to stop Sanctuary, though it is seemingly destroyed…until the aftermath of the story when one of its robots rises from the rubble in Terminator fashion. Yeah, definitely not regretting switching from Batwoman to Supergirl, this book is just snappy as all hell. Don’t get me wrong, Batwoman remains the most interesting of the Bat cast, it’s just the actual stories and her villains roster that aren’t all that interesting.

Anyway, that’s it for today. Next week, we check in on Batman of Japan in Batman Incorporated, and see how Talon is doing now that he’s apparently kind of dead and stuff…as if that would stop him. Ja n√©!