Category Archives: Tales of Dumbassery

Trust me folks, these will all be too dumb to make up. lol

Tales of Dumbassery – Comic Book Writers Say The Darnedest Things (WARNING – THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE WILL PISS YOU OFF)

……..Just show the title card. -_-

Tales of Dumbassery

If it seems like I’m not in a very joking mood this time around, it’s only because I’m pissed off/confused. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a feminist. Not out of any disliking of feminism, it’s just that I wouldn’t have the slightest idea where to start. However, as a comic fan, I’m a bit more in the know about the simple fact that, gasp, WOMEN READ COMICS. Be they newspaper comic strips, manga, and yes, superhero comics, there are in fact women that read them. So why is it that THIS shit keeps happening?!

Mark Millar and Todd McFarlane: Ladies, Comics Aren’t For You”

This paragraph is from the Tumblr page DC Women Kicking Ass: “Over at Think Progress, Alyssa Rosenberg reports on a panel held for the upcoming documentary Superheroes: The Never-Ending Battle. The panel, consisted of Todd McFarlane, Gerry Conway, Len Wein and Michael Kantor. And apparently the never ending battle is trying to handwave why comics is pretty much all white and all male. ‘There hasn’t really been historically a comic book that has worked that is trying to get across a kind of message, if you will,’ McFarlane insisted. ‘So the female characters that work are the ones that are just strong women that actually it’s good storytelling, and the odd character that is a minority that works is the one that is just a good strong character. They’ve tried to do minority characters and bring that label and that surrounding [debate] into it. You’re aware that you’re reading a minority comic book. I think it’s wrong’.” Well thank you, Todd. Thank you so much for clearing that up. Got any more gems of wisdom for us? Perhaps a book detailing your asinine viewpoint?

Oh, it gets better, folks. Here’s what Mark Millar, writer/creator of Kick-Ass, and writer of works such as Civil War, Sonic The Comic, The Authority, and MUCH more, had to say in his interview with The New Republic: “The ultimate [act] that would be the taboo, to show how bad some villain is, was to have somebody being raped, you know?” he told me. “I don’t really think it matters. It’s the same as, like, a decapitation. It’s just a horrible act to show that somebody’s a bad guy.”…Umm, no. No it’s not the same. At all. In one case, the person is dead, or in the case of certain works of fiction, they regenerate. In the other, the person gets to live with the pain and terror of the act, can have up to many years of horrific nightmares, and in the case of women (yeah, I know, what a shocker, MEN can be raped too), they can find themselves pregnant with the rapist’s child. Also, depending on where they live, rape victims have to pay a bitch of a medical bill afterward, but that’s a VERY angry rant for another day.

So since these two are very clearly implying that comic books aren’t meant for women, does that mean that, by your logic, my girlfriend should stop reading them? Or my former teacher, perhaps? Heck, by this logic, Gail Simone shouldn’t even be writing comics. Also, does this viewpoint extend beyond western superhero comics? Should N. Harmonik stop reading Archie’s Sonic the Hedgehog comics? Should my friend Nikki stop reading manga? Should cosplayers stop dressing as women from comics? Please, by all means, keep me up to date with how far this belief of yours goes, ‘cuz I’m just fascinated by all of this.

I’m baffled that two people who are supposed to be big names in the comic book industry apparently know nothing about the fan-base of said industry. This actually feels dumber to me than Dan Didio saying that DC does not write books for kids (Really, Danny? Then what the hell do you call Li’l Gotham?), but that could simply be because I’m kinda used to the insane opinions of Dan Didio. It just bothers me so much that this insanity continues to this day.

Anyway, comment below what you think about all this, and be sure to click on the other articles below. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – Hey, Man of Steel! It’s Miller Time!

…Well, this isn’t gonna be pretty, folks. Because not only is this Tales of Dumbassery, but………It’s Miller Time.

PUT THE ALCOHOL DOWN, that’s not what I mean. For those that don’t know, Miller Time is a segment on Atop The Fourth Wall, wherein Linkara looks at the ever-increasing insanity of Frank Miller, who has pretty much become a hack in every single meaning of the word these days. So why am I talking about him today? Well, Superman fans should get ready for this story to break their hearts…

Snyder and Miller to Talk About “Man of Steel” Sequel

“When Zack Snyder announced at Comic-Con that Batman would be included in the sequel to ‘Man of Steel’, he had many Superman fans worried when he had actor Harry Lennix read a quote from Frank Miller’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns‘ graphic novel. While Snyder did say they weren’t adapting Miller’s story, the Independant received word that Zack Snyder is planning to meet up with Frank Miller to discuss the new movie.” And real quick, before anyone attempts to blame Snyder for this, because that was my own knee-jerk reaction, “A Superman Homepage source managed to speak to Zack Snyder yesterday, and put to him the concerns of some Superman fans, with Snyder remarking, ‘It’s too early for me to discuss the film. However, regardless of how I feel about Superman, ultimately I have to go along with the direction that Warner Bros. thinks is best’.”

…Yep. THIS is basically what you can expect, people. Batman vs Superman, for no real reason other than to get them into a fight.

…Y’know, I had so many high hopes for this franchise. Even after Man of Steel was being described as edgy, I kept hope that they knew what they were doing. We were gonna have a couple of awesome Superman movies, maybe one or two for heroes like Batman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman, and then a Justice League of America movie to tie it all together and get these heroes together in a story that would rival the success of The Avengers’ film. And heck, despite some flaws with Man of Steel, I can say that overall, I really enjoyed it…And now, THIS has happened.

Now, lemme clarify something right now: Way back before Frank Miller apparently got infected by a brain parasite that killed all good sense in his mind, he could tell an amazing Batman story. He did so with Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, and he did it again with Batman: Year One. But, even back then, and this is crucial people, while DKR gave massive new life to Batman, it did equal amounts of damage to Superman. And THIS is the guy you wanna get input from for the Man of Steel sequel?! REALLY?!

This is and has always been Superman in the eyes of Frank Miller: A strong-man puppet of the government.

Then again, maybe I’m the wrong person to judge this decision, since I don’t even get why this is a VS movie to begin with. Shouldn’t the next logical step have been a Man of Steel movie involving Lex Luthor or Brainiac or Metallo? Why involve Batman at all? Look, I get that he’s been DC’s meal ticket for a LONG time now, but the Man of Steel series was supposed to be about Superman. Do you really have that little faith in the world’s first superhero that you had to bring Batman into it? And heck, if they REALLY felt the need to involve Batman, as this was likely their knee-jerk reaction to mixed reviews of Man of Steel, why have them be adversaries? Why not do something like the Superman The Animated Series‘s three-parter, World’s Finest, where they would start off unsure of each other, but quickly wind up teaming up to battle a super-villain duo? And between the two of them, I think they could find two of their rogues to form a pretty lethal team that they’d NEED to take on together.

But you wanna know what I’ve always found funny about the fight between Superman and Batman in DKR? Even though it’s specifically set up in such a way that Batman can emerge victorious over Superman, it pretty much spells out why Superman would beat Batman at least 9 times out of 10. Think about it: Batman had a ton of prep time to Superman’s zero, Batman used gadgets and trickery while Superman just used pure power instead of playing it smart, Batman had back-up in the form of Carrie Kelley and Green Arrow, Superman only lost because he inhaled Kryptonite from one of Ollie’s arrows, and to be perfectly blunt, Clark didn’t even want the fight in the first place. That’s why I generally give it a pass when most won’t. The problem is that, again, Frank wrote that when he was still sane, rational, and had a basic understanding of how certain characters worked. He doesn’t even understand how Batman works now, what makes you think he can help at all with Superman?

…Btw, if they’re REALLY gonna do this, I DO kinda hope Carrie Kelley is in the movie. lol

Anyway, I think I’ve gone on about this enough. Leave your comments below, or vote as to whether you think getting Frank Miller’s input is a good call or not. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – You Get A Baby, & You Get A Baby, & You Get A Baby!

Well, better get your headache meds out now, because it is time to delve into…

Tales of Dumbassery

Y’know, we live in a world where there’s a pretty lengthy screening process for couples to adopt children. Sadly, this means that a lot of would-be parents, who for whatever reason are unable to have children of their own, cannot adopt due to being outside of whatever standards the parent of the child has set up…And yet, apparently, over in Pakistan, they are literally give-aways…

“Pakistani TV show hands out babies in Ramadan ratings battle”

“A Pakistani TV show is handing out abandoned babies to stunned couples in an attempt to bring back dwindling viewership during Islam’s month-long Ramadan celebration.  Amaan Ramazan host Aamir Liaquat Hussain gave the live freebies out during two separate broadcasts in a show that has been dubbed by some as Pakistan’s version of The Price is Right“. Of course, then there’s my favourite comment below, which is the title I’ve given this little tale, written by Carley Smith on Twitter, “And YOU get a baby, & YOU get a baby & YOU get a baby!” *claps*

Y’know, I’m torn between being horrified by this and being kinda jealous that they can apparently get away with doing this. Because, as I said before,  we have issues getting people to allow couples to adopt children over here, and Pakistan is just giving them away! How on Earth is this legal?! I know it’s Pakistan, but my God! Also, while I feel screening processes over here can be kinda absurd at times, I hope that the people on these shows have their backgrounds checked.

“Some people seemed thrilled with what they saw as a huge act of generosity from the show. Others were not pleased with what they deemed a publicity stunt geared at bringing in ratings during the holy month of Ramadan, when many Muslims try to limit their TV viewing”. Maybe it’s a publicity stunt, I don’t really know, but personally, I’m more bothered by the fact that one of the children given away was apparently found IN THE TRASH! And this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this happening, either! It’s actually becoming a VERY disturbing trend!

So, what do I think about this? Like I said, I’m torn on this. On the one hand, these kids CLEARLY need a home, and they’re being provided to couples who want them, one of which apparently were unable to conceive. On the other hand, though, I have no idea how this is legal, it’s highly likely this is a publicity stunt, and unless they’re being insanely careful here, it’s only a matter of time before this backfires somehow. So do I agree or disagree with this? Do I find it ethically sound? Honestly, I wish there was a better way for these kids to find good homes than a frigging game show, but if no one’s gonna do it…I don’t know.

What’s everybody else’s thoughts on this? Looking at comments on the news report, some agree, some disagree, and some are just having fun making the obvious and admittedly funny jokes about this scenario. So what do YOU think of this? Well, because I know some people might not want to voice their opinions for everyone to see, I’m gonna post a poll that you can use instead if you so choose. Either way, lemme know what you think. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – Not Having A Home May Be Illegal In Miami Soon (AKA WTFIWWY?)

Well, get that bottle of booze ready to kill off those suffering brain cells, because it’s time to open up…

Tales Of Dumbassery?

No, y’know what? Screw that noise, this is Florida, and I know damned well that Nash and Tara will be talking about it on Monday (or at least I hope they will), so I’m just gonna drop all pretenses for this article. Hit it!

Earlier today, DorkynProudOfIt went out on the World Wide Interwebs, found a horrible story, and brought it all back here for a little segment that Nash likes to call…

So let’s just get to the meat of the matter, and I quote (ran out of good photos of Michael Cole), “Being poor could soon be a crime in the city of Miami. As though life weren’t already difficult enough for people who can’t afford regular housing, they could soon find themselves thrown in jail and their possessions confiscated if they’re caught engaging in certain everyday activities in public.” Oh, where do I fucking start, Florida?!

Well, I should probably note that this is actually not the first time Miami would’ve done this, as they did so for a while in the late 1990’s. They stopped in 1998 when a program was instituted where police would instead offer food and shelter. And before you even mention it, there IS a difference between that and prison, as in prison, you find yourself in close quarters with CRIMINALS! However, as this article goes on, “Despite the program’s success, one Miami City Commissioner wants to back out of the deal and resume arresting homeless people for living on the streets. Marc Sarnoff wants the city to renege on its 1998 agreement and resume arresting homeless people. Specifically, Sarnoff and his allies on the City Commission have hired a law firm to try to modify the agreement so police can arrest anyone who blocks a sidewalk, cooks a meal in a public area using a fire, litters, urinates or defecates in public, or engages in lewd conduct, rather than offering those folks a bed to sleep.”

Oh, but wait dear friends, it gets better. “Sarnoff argues that homeless people in the downtown business district are a ‘chronic problem.’ Indeed, as the Miami Herald points out, ‘Most local shelters are at capacity, meaning police can do little to punish the homeless who urinate in the street or light cooking fires in public parks.’ Instead of vying for more funding to support the hundreds of homeless people who reside in Miami, Sarnoff’s solution is to jail them for living on the streets.” So in other words, he COULD try to get additional funding, but pfft, fuck that, he’s just gonna lock ’em up with Stabby Joe and Rapist Ralph. Thanks, Mister Sarnoff!

…Y’know, when stories like this pop up, people in Florida are quick to suggest we think everybody in that state is a freak of some sort. No, I don’t think that. I think there are plenty of nice, wonderful people living in Florida. I just wonder WHY. Why do sane people continue to live there or go there for vacations when this crap goes on down there? Why can’t we just have all the sane members of society that live there move away and do THIS?

Seriously, you know we as a race have gone completely mad when Bugs fucking Bunny has the sane plan. Anyway, leave your comments below, and I shall see you the next time something insane like this happens. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – Dumbest Person Ever or Earliest Competent Driver Ever? YOU DECIDE! XD

Well, pop open your bottle of Aspirin and ready your shot glass, ‘cuz it’s time for…

Tales of Dumbassery

…This story is just magical. Maybe I’m just getting a really dark and sick sense of humour nowadays, but I just find this absolutely wonderful. This might just be my new favourite Tale of Dumbassery since I changed formats…

“A Hamilton woman who enlisted an 11-year-old to be her chauffeur has been charged by police. At about 8:30 p.m. Monday night, police spotted ‘a very young looking’ male driving with a much older woman in the area of Albright Road and Quigley Road. When they stopped the car, police learned that the 68-year-old woman had taught her young neighbour how to drive so that he could help her with ‘an array of errands’.” Y’know, I’ve heard of instances where a parent lets their kid back a vehicle out of their driveway when they live in small, sparsely populated areas, but nothing quite like this. And also, 100 geek points to whoever is currently having a flashback of Damian Wayne driving. lol

Also, I notice from the above information that this isn’t even the woman’s child or grandchild, it’s her neighbour’s child…which actually raises some interesting questions. Did the parents know about this? If not, would this technically count as kidnapping? Should she be charged for that in addition to her current charges, which are ‘permitting an unlicensed person to drive a motor vehicle and for having no insurance‘.

For anyone curious or concerned, the news report goes on to say that ‘no incidents took place’, which I can assume means nobody was hurt, which I find amazing. I dunno, I just would think that an 11-year-old driving a car would likely wind up smashing some shit. That tells me that, when he gets to be old enough to legally obtain his driver’s license, he should have NO problems with the tests whatsoever. 😄

Anyway, that’s all from me for today. Feel free to comment what you thought about this, though I will sum up my own thoughts on the matter for every person who needs to get errands done in a hurry. So if I could borrow a line from HuskyStarcraft, “Pro Tip Of The Day: DO NOT THIS!” Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – “Thinking Of You” @$$HOLE (WARNING – ANGRY RANT AHEAD)

Well, get out the biggest jar of aspirin you can find, ‘cuz it’s time once again for…

Tales of Dumbassery

Y’know, it’s funny. In its current form, Tales of Dumbassery very much resembles one of my favourite things to watch online every Saturday: A little show called “WTFIWWY?”…That’s “What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?”. It’s a show hosted by Nash during Radio Dead Air every Monday night that is then posted on his Blip account on Saturday. Hell, I’ve actually parodied the opening to it on Tales of Dumbassery before. So it is definitely an odd scenario to find myself in now, telling a tale that relates back to Nash involving one individual who is either an asshole, or he’s fucking brain-dead!

So, what happened?…Well, allow me to let the following tweet speak for itself.

…Yeah. I can’t believe I actually need to use this again, especially here, but…

TIME 4 BACK STORY

What was it, a couple of months ago? A couple of months ago, Nash’s father sadly passed away. Since then, Nash has been trying very bravely to continue his life as it was prior…and then he receives THAT…Naturally, as you can imagine, this has pissed off several people on Twitter, myself included, which is what has led to this article.

Now, I don’t know who sent it. Frankly, I don’t care who sent it. And more-so, I don’t want anyone pointing fingers at who sent it, at least until we get an official word on the subject. But whoever they are, I have the following question…Are you just the biggest prick in the entire world, or are you simply stupid? Or hey, maybe you’re both, I don’t know. It could happen. In fact, now that I think about it, it seems like the most likely possibility. Because, regardless of if you were trying to be mean or not, you can’t have put very much thought into this course of action. It’s just not possible.

…That’s all I got, folks! That’s all I can say. I have no idea what else I could possibly say to a person like that……..well, except maybe this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm8zf7ItVpY

I’m Jyger85, I remember it, and don’t any of you forget it!

Tales of Dumbassery LIVE – Montreal Prank By Dumbass

For my first ever LIVE show, Poliwhirl and I decided to take a look at a story that just made me facepalm again and again until I had a giant hand-print in my forehead.

Special thanks to Wendy Thibodeau for allowing me this opportunity, as well as Anthony Rouse for recording while I was up at the front of the classroom, and to N. Harmonik for finding this horrible story and bringing it to my attention. lol

Tales of Dumbassery Follow-Up: Hornet’s Nest Story FALSE

Well, for anyone who misses when I used to tell stupid stories about my own mistakes and misfortune, you get your wish today, as we look to one of my own, and very recent…

Tales of Dumbassery

…Yeah, gimme a second here, I need to get my story straight. You’ll recall the other day I reported on a story posted by International Business Times involving a man who apparently died after having sex with a hornet’s nest and getting stung to death by said nest’s inhabitants. Naturally, I was kind of in shock that such a thing could happen, that I may have overlooked a couple of details in the story that makes the following statement by IBT seem kind of obvious…

And I quote…

“Unfortunately it turned out the story was a fake from a satirical news website in Sweden called Nyheterna Sverige, which was kindly pointed out by a number of our readers. The original story was spawned from animal rights campaigners who were worried about the well-being of hornets. However, the joke got lost in translation – as well the names of those involved. The neighbour’s name translates to erection and the fetish expert is called genital.”

So yeah, whole thing was a hoax. I probably should’ve figured that out, especially given the line about how he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen before. Now naturally, I assumed he meant the muscle AROUND the pelvic bone since, guess what, BONES DON’T SWELL. However, looking back on it, if they’d meant the muscle around the pelvic bone, they would’ve just said so. So yeah, my bad. The good news in all this, though, is that nobody’s dead, so I don’t have to feel bad about my comments.

…While we’re on the subject, though, I don’t find the joke all that funny. And no, it’s not because I fell for it, I think someone who makes fun of themselves as often as I do would be okay with that. I just feel that this wasn’t all that funny. It honestly comes off as gross-out humour used specifically for the fact that they couldn’t think of anything better. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

But yeah, I still reported on a story that turned out to be false, and for that, I apologise. But hey, gave me something to make fun of myself with, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – “To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea”

Well, this week, PinkRangerWannabe went out on the world-wide interweb, found a horrible story, and brought it back here for a little segment I like to call…

Tales of Dumbassery

And yes, I actually have a reason for parodying the intro to WTFIWWY?, for if today’s story was on that show, this would be the part where Tara would say “THAT DOESN’T GO THERE!” Now, before we get into this story, I want to make it clear that I’m not generally the type to find amusement in death, regardless of person or cause. Death is tragic and should not be taken so lightly. So I don’t want anyone to think I find the fact that this person died funny. Rather, I simply want to call into question the intelligence level on this man who did this…

Today, it was announced by the International Business Times that a man in Sweden had died after being stung to death by hornets…because, according to the autopsy and evidence left behind, he was attempting to have sex with the hornet’s nest. No, I do not have photos. And no, I do not know if any exist, because I don’t want to know. Apparently the 35-year-old had been stung so badly (reportedly 146 times) that when his neighbour found him, he was so swollen that his neighbour thought he was a whale carcass. Again, not making fun. That is what was actually reported. Oh, but here’s the kicker, folks: A psychologist and expert on sex fantasies, Siv During Livh, told the news site…

And I quote…

“To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea.” NAWWWW! And here I thought maybe sticking one’s dick in a hornet’s nest would open the door to Kingdom Hearts! I don’t know what’s dumber, the fact that this person actually made that statement like most rational thinking people wouldn’t already know that, or that apparently there is a fetish for that. And I know, there’s some freaky fetishes out there, but this has to be one of the dumbest that ANYONE could have, because unless your intent is to die, it’s not gonna fucking work!

Oh, and this is REALLY good. Apparently the neighbour reported that he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen in his entire life…Um, I’m sorry, but there is no way to hear that sentence and not want to immediately ask the obvious question, “How many swollen pelvic bones have you seen in your life?”.

Believe it or not, folks, I’m trying SO hard not to make fun of this man, but it’s kinda hard when THIS was the exact conversation Pink and I had when she brought this up…

PinkRangerWannabe: Give the man a Darwin award.
Jyger85: ………………………………………………….What the heck? o.O

Anyway, I’m sorry if I crossed some lines with this story, but I honestly am just not sure what to make of this one. Hit me back with your own thoughts, and hopefully we won’t have a story quite this idiotic again in a long time. Ja né!