Monthly Archives: December 2012
Well, 2012 is coming to a close in a few hours. And no, I won’t be making any resolutions. I’ve said this before to people, and I’ll say it again: When I make a New Year’s Resolution, it usually winds up being broken rather quickly. Thus, I prefer not to put all my stock in a single resolution and instead just try to do the best I can at what I can on a year-by-year basis.
However, that said, sometimes I fuck up…In fact, I fuck up a LOT. Hell, I think my show Tales of Dumbassery is kinda proof of that, that sometimes I get in over my head or I do stupid things because I’m not thinking. And there have been a few things I’ve done on this blog where I honestly can look back and ask myself “WTF was I thinking when I did that?” So, with that said, let’s take a look at 5 things I’ve done on this site that I just have to ask “WTF Was I Thinking?”.
Okay, all my reviews in their original YouTube format are gone and are either on Blip or will be on Blip eventually (I’m looking at you, Turbo review), but there was one in particular that just had some bad timing: My review of Dazzling the Nimbasa Gym. Again, it’s not up anymore, but when it was, it got a TON of dislikes. Now, I could attribute this to being people just genuinely disliking the video, but I don’t think that’s the case, and it’s not my ego talking, rather that I know for a fact that I’ve done WAY worse. My theory on the matter is that, because people tend to upload new episodes of shows like Pokémon to YouTube after they air, people thought it was the actual episode and clicked on it. Now, not everybody loves internet reviews, it’s kind of an acquired taste that can be lost on some people, so I would imagine that most of those dislikes came from people that really don’t like internet reviews and desired nothing more than to release that disliking on myself. This is part of the reason why A) I moved to Blip, and B) I try not to review shows that have been out in North America for only a short time.
Okay, while I’m using an image from Jyger Watches Cupcakes, that one technically doesn’t count towards what I’m talking about here. THAT was fine. THAT was funny. Turning Jyger Watches into a series, however…Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking. I pretty much milked the idea beyond what it was worth and it just got stupid. I’ll keep the ones I’ve done up, but don’t expect me to do another like it. Although, I have thought of possibly changing it into me riffing tv shows or movies, although unlikely to be something I do by myself.
You’ll notice I haven’t done The Zelda Chronology for a long time…and I won’t be. It’s for a couple of reasons, the first of which being that I haven’t played EVERY Zelda game out there so there’s no way to complete it, and I refuse to play the Philips CD-I games. The second is that I’ve kind of moved on from the idea and have been doing other stuff. But the biggest reason of all is arguably the most simple: It’s completely unnecessary, since Nintendo has released a book that tells the official chronology of the Zelda games. And yet, despite those reasons, I did carry the Zelda Chronology for a little while in spite of them. That was an error.
Yeah, yer probably wondering where that is… … …Yeah, I’m not doing it. I may eventually go back and do a Batman fan fic, but really, that’s part of the reason I decided to not do the Justice League fanfic: That after the first arc I had planned out, after that was really just a Batman story involving other members of the Justice League. However, if you were intrigued by the idea of superheroes fighting the mechanical armies of alternate dimension Nazis, you’re in luck, because as it just so happens, I AM doing my OWN superhero stories on deviantArt, and I DO still plan to use that at some point.
Yeah, I’ve talked about this before, but I thought I’d go a little deeper on this matter here. When I was originally doing Jyger’s Rant as a series, I decided I wanted to do a storyline wherein my character, Jyger, would learn that he has the ability to warp reality (à la Haruhi Suzumiya) and that he would be monitored by an android built by aliens (à la Yuki Nagato) that would be played by my friend N. Harmonik. For those wondering, the plan was that eventually Jyger would decide to part with this power, but that it would unintentionally cause the creation of his Nobody, Xygrej (you might recall I answered to that name on Twitter for a while in October). However, I eventually decided that the story wasn’t gonna work out due to my own limitations as far as effects I could use on the show and also just how nonsensical it was getting in my head. So yeah, my on-screen character does not have the ability to warp reality. N. Harmonik IS still an occasional character on my show (when I can actually get her in front of a camera, lol) and in my vlogs, but the idea now is that she’s just observing me out of curiosity.
So those are my 5 “WTF Was I Thinking?” Moments. And while I don’t plan to make this a New Year’s Resolution, I do hope that by the end of next year I have a few less things I can regret regarding this blog and my videos…But then again, what would be the fun in that? Happy New Year’s, everybody!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 16,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals
So yeah, got some money and gift cards for Christmas, which means I’ll likely be getting what can be considered more stuff for Christmas. I’ll cover that later on, obviously. Also, I got The Dark Knight Rises for Christmas, but since I already gave my thoughts on that movie a long time ago, I’m not gonna bother here, so if you wanna know what I think, go read it. In the meantime, let’s dig into Justice League #5 & #6.
We open to Darkseid blasting the shit outta military aircraft. Flash gets up from Darkseid’s previous attack at the end of Issue #4 and yells at him to stop. However, he realises he was the first one up and is pretty much royally boned. Superman gets up next, but Darkseid fires his Omega Beams, Barry deciding to grab Superman and run for cover. They split up, but unfortunately the Omega Beams do too, and while Flash is able to vibrate through a Parademon to get it to take the blow, Superman isn’t so lucky. While Superman lives through the ordeal (because he’s Superman), the Parademons take him away while GL tries to take on Darkseid. It doesn’t go so well, Darkseid pummelling Hal and actually knocking him through the others before breaking Hal’s arm and walking off like a boss.
Batman finally tells it like it is to Hal Jordan: If he continues like this, and that if he doesn’t get out of his own way, he’s going to die. Batman unmasks, revealing himself to be Bruce Wayne (which results in what I personally find to be a hilarious panel where Hal has to ask who in the hell Bruce Wayne is), and Bruce tells him his story, of how his parents were murdered in front of his eyes when he was 10, and how he’s spent every day since training to fight the same criminals as those that took his parents’ lives. But Bruce notes, while removing his cape, the blades on his gloves, and even the Bat insignia on his chest (I guess it’s taped on? Maybe Velcro?), that this is bigger than him, bigger than any one of them. He tells Hal to rally the others while he goes to save Superman, letting the Parademons take him away while Hal admits that Bruce might just be crazier than himself.
Hal manages to get the others up and tells them what Batman said, that they need to start working like a team. He’ll turn the light up to get Darkseid’s attention so that the others can blind him, thus robbing him of his most powerful weapon and giving them a chance to take him down. Meanwhile, Bruce lets the Parademon lead him to where they were gathering before taking it down. However, what he finds is another Boom Tube, leading to their true gathering place, Darkseid’s homeworld, and if Hell was its own planet it would be this: Apokolips.
Issue #6 opens with a family taking cover from the Parademons before Darkseid himself arrives to slaughter them, the father narrating that he thought they were going to die until he saw THEM: Green Lantern and the others assaulting Darkseid. Diana wraps him in the Lasso of Truth and demands that he tell them why he’s there, but Darkseid cryptically replies that he’s there “For her” before punching Diana away. Meanwhile Cyborg continues to intercept transmissions between Darkseid and the boxes, called Mother Boxes (actually they were originally called Father Boxes, whereas New Genesis had similar boxes called Mother Boxes, take a shot). Through them, Cyborg can see many worlds, all burning under attack like theirs, but finally manages to get his sights on Batman.
On Apokolips, Bruce has found Superman being tortured by Steppenwolf and DeSaad…who have never been revealed in the New 52 prior to this and new readers have no idea what their deal is. Take two shots! Apparently they plan to use Supes to assist in the search for Darkseid’s daughter…and now I’m confused. His daughter? Do they mean Bekka? Possibly Big Barda? What’s going on? So yeah, since this point confuses ALL readers, I present the final rule of the New 52 Drinking Game: When everyone, be they new or old readers, are confused by a plot point, take 3 shots! Btw, I would just like to note that while anyone else reading is likely drunk off their asses right now, I get away with not taking any shots because I’m a Straightedge. 😄 But yeah, apparently that’s who “she” is, Darkseid’s daughter, and he’s wrecking his way through planet after planet trying to find her.
Back on Earth, Diana and Aquaman manage to put a sword and a trident through Darkseid’s eyes, but the big mo-fo is still coming, so Cyborg decides the only way they can stop him is to send him back where he came from. Tapping into the Mother Boxes, he opens Boom Tubes all around them, which also opens the door for Superman and Batman to make it back to Earth, Superman messed up and talking about seeing the Multiverse and another version of himself (see Earth-2). As soon as he’s back on Earth and sees Darkseid though, he hits him with a flying double punch so hard it causes it to become a two-page spread.
Y’know, as awesome as this is, and it IS awesome, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen a far more epic beatdown to Darkseid before…
God, I love JLU. 😀 Anyway, Cyborg’s systems start overloading, but Batman tells him it’s him that’ll be doing this and not the computer, mind over the machine, heart of the cards, yada yada, and Cyborg finally manages to suck Darkseid through the Boom Tubes and shuts them, the Mother Boxes getting fried in the process. They notice that the civilians have gathered around them and Flash thinks they should leave before they get out the burning pitch forks. However, it seems that the people have finally figured out that the seven are the heroes who just saved the world and cheer for them.
We cut to a while later at Washington D.C., where President Not-Bush is giving a speech about the recent crisis while the heroes stand by, chatting to each other. Aquaman resents the suggestion that his armour is a costume, saying he’d never choose orange for it while Hal tells him he doesn’t mind the orange but that the necklace has to go. Cyborg isn’t sure he should be with them, but Barry says he should and should be proud, motioning to the crowd where Dr. Stone is watching, proud of his son. Steve Trevor is shown too, I guess just to show that he survived the battle, and the father from the beginning of this issue is shown typing a story while narrating what’s happening. Hal can’t believe the people think of them as a team of friends, but Batman tells him that they need to make the world believe they are. Plus, they need to be working together in case something like this happens again. Hal wonders what the chances of that are, but suddenly the President gets word there’s trouble and they need the seven again, Barry saying they can refer to them as the Super Seven. Hal is unamused by the name (for once, we are of like minds), and Flash says they’ll think of something, ending with the father, David Graves, finishing writing his book, “Justice League: Gods Among Us”.
Meanwhile in London, two creepy guys meet, talking about how new heroes are popping up every day, mentioning Green Arrow, Zatanna, and Hawkman. It’s at this point I should mention the fact that apparently at some point in the future, there were supposed to be new members to the League in the form of Deadman (Boston Brand), The Atom (Ryan Choi), Element Woman (Emily Sung), Hawkman (Carter Hall), Mera, Firestorm (Ronnie Raymond), Green Arrow (Oliver Queen), and a new revamp of the Golden Age character Lady Luck. To the best of my knowledge, this hasn’t happened yet, instead having Deadman (and Zatanna for that matter) being part of Justice League Dark, Mera mostly just sticking with her husband Aquaman (though she DOES appear in the crossover event Throne of Atlantis), Lady Luck apparently going to be appearing in The Phantom Stranger soon, Element Woman and Ryan Choi not having shown up at all, Ronnie becoming a new version of Firestorm that sees him bonding with Jason Rusch, and images of the upcoming Justice League of America shows Hawkman and Green Arrow being members of THAT team. This leads me to a few different conclusions as to what has happened, but I’ll get to that later. Instead, let’s just wrap up this page by explaining that these two men are members of the Religion of Crime from 52, thus hinting that they’ll eventually become important villains later on, but again, that hasn’t happened either.
Now, technically this isn’t the end of the comic, as we have a back-up story called “Pandora”. We see a man has been murdered in the streets, and among those in the crowd is Pandora. For those unaware, Pandora has actually been cameoing in the first issue of nearly every book in the New 52, the only exception to this that I’m aware of being Earth-2 (which actually makes sense, since it’s an alternate Earth). She takes a closer look at the body when she’s confronted by The Phantom Stranger, who says that “they” sent him to speak with her, “they” likely consisting of Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, and Jeff Hardy… … …God, TNA storylines are stupid.
Pandora doesn’t seem all that amused by this, and The Phantom Stranger simply remarks that she should feel glad they didn’t send The Spectre, but Pandora claims she doesn’t fear The Spectre, having been judged by forces far above him: The Circle of Eternity. All of this is explained in a book that was made available on Free Comic Book Day, but just in case you don’t have it, I will simplify what’s happening here: Pandora and The Phantom Stranger make two of three individuals that were judged by The Circle of Eternity and punished eternally for their sins, the third apparently being The Question. TAKE A SHOT.
Anyway, it seems that the Phantom Stranger is aware of the changes that Pandora made to reality, Pandora claiming she realigned and strengthened it while the Phantom Stranger feels that she’s dangerous and has been in possession of ‘the box’ for too long. However, Pandora screams at him to not touch her and that she won’t just be an observer anymore. They get into a short fight before Pandora shoots him in the head with what I can assume to be a magic gun (seriously, where are people purchasing these? XD), but anyone who knows the Phantom Stranger knows that trying to kill him is like trying to fold a newspaper over 1,000,000,000 times, it just can’t be done. However, Pandora says that while she can’t kill him, she can HURT him, and knows the ultimate means of doing so: Telling the world who he is. Yeah, y’know how The Phantom Stranger’s identity and origins were always a mystery that, let’s face it, should have stayed a mystery since it makes his character all the more intriguing? Well, while it’s hinted who he is in that Free Comic Book Day comic, it’s pretty much been confirmed exactly who he is after The Phantom Stranger #0. Would you like to know? He’s actually JUDAS…Yeah, THAT Judas. As in the man who betrayed Jesus……………Dan Didio is a sick man! And so our comic ends with Pandora saying that she’ll be released from her curse, but only after she finds ‘The Strange’ and imprisons it, and that the Justice League will be the ones to help her, “Whether they like it or not”.
Yeah, the back story kinda sucks, but the rest of the book is awesome. The biggest issues that this book has is in the way it can confuse, baffle, and on occasions anger readers that have been reading prior to the relaunch, or even just fans who have been reading info on the various wikis and watched the cartoons or movies. However, when you consider that this book is supposed to be an introduction to the New 52, it’s kinda hard to judge it for that. Besides, the story is solid enough that it’s easy to enjoy. One problem I have is that while the story does manage to establish who everyone is, what their powers are, and what their motivations are, the one who is kind of left out is Superman, as we really only know that he’s an alien with speed and strength that rivals and often outright towers over every other member of the Justice League. However, it’s worth noting that the first arc of Action Comics in the New 52 was also a prequel story that explains Superman’s origins in the new universe…too bad it apparently wasn’t all that great. It’s also worth noting that Cyborg is the only member without a solo title of his own, but considering his story is pretty much told within Justice League, it’s not THAT big a deal. Would still be nice, though.
Overall, I have to give this book props and recommend it, especially for new readers looking to get into DC Comics. Although, it’s not the BEST book of the New 52, at least not in my own humble opinion. What do I consider the best book? Oh, my friends, be sure to check in again in a few months, when I begin a retrospective of Scott Snyder’s Batman.
Before we continue on, I wanna address something that I don’t think I’ve mentioned on the blog. You’ve likely noticed that a lot of the costumes and appearances for the superheroes have changed in the relaunch. In particular, Superman isn’t wearing his old tights anymore, instead wearing a Kryptonian Armour. Batman‘s old tights are gone too, replaced by kevlar. And I know some people might be wondering what my thoughts on the loss of the old tights are, so I’ll tell you what my opinion is. I… … …don’t really care all that much. I’m sorry, I know it likely bothers some people, but when you consider these are superheroes that got started in the new millennium, can you honestly believe they’d wear TIGHTS? That’s not all that protective, you know. Mind you, Superman’s supposed to be mostly invulnerable, but he has his weaknesses and could use the extra protection. But hey, that’s not what we’re here to talk about, so let’s dive into Justice League #3 & #4.
We open to Colonel Steve Trevor at the Pentagon, wondering where Wonder Woman is. According to one soldier, Diana was flipping through channels and landed on a news station talking about her. It seems there’s a MASSIVE movement against Diana that actually goes above and beyond most other super-humans because A) She’s caused over one hundred million dollars in property damage fighting bad guys and whatnot, and B) Apparently people aren’t exactly big on her believing in the Greek Gods and the war she’s training for. As a result, Steve is trying to keep her out of trouble. However, after yelling at the news channel for a while, she came across a report of monsters attacking D.C. and took off.
Naturally, we cut to Wonder Woman wandering the streets with a sword looking for a Harpy. I’m going to assume from this and other things that happen in this comic that she hasn’t exactly been off of Paradise Island for a very long time, so you don’t really need to take a shot here. I will admit that I love what follows, wherein after failing to get information, a little girl walks up excited to meet her, and there’s a cute scene where Diana learns all about the wonder that is ice cream and congratulating the vendor on his achievement. Steve eventually shows up and we get a bit of dialogue that shows that Steve is her appointed liaison and that Wonder Woman wants to fight the darkness that lurks in our world because she loves it so, that it’s filled with so many wonderful things like ice cream and rock and roll (and somewhere Batman is screaming that rock and roll is death, lol). However, one other thing she loves is a good fight, so when a pack of Parademons show up, she’s all too happy to take ’em on.
We then cut to S.T.A.R. Labs, where the Parademons have pretty much torn the place to pieces and kidnapped a few people. However, Dr. Stone is far more concerned for his son Victor, who if you’ll recall was burnt alive by the energy released when the boom tube opened. The others tell Dr. Stone that his son is gone and they have to go, but Silas refuses, saying had to watch his wife die once and he refuses to watch Victor die too.
Meanwhile, as the superheroes are fighting the Parademons in Metropolis, Flash is monitoring radio broadcasts and learns that this is happening all over. Apparently the people blame them for all of this, and at this point I had to scratch my head and wonder if the DC universe was merged with the Marvel universe as well for all the people hatin’ on the heroes we’ve seen up till this point. Anyway, we get some banter between the heroes where Batman tells GL to concentrate since his constructs keep breaking down, Hal telling him to be more worried for himself since he doesn’t have any powers, and Barry saying that he always thought Batman was a vampire…which I will admit got a giggle out of me. We also see Superman just ploughing through the Parademons, and I gotta admit, while I don’t expect him to just sit there and take it and that he is trying to protect the people around him, there’s something about seeing Superman being THIS violent that makes me feel uncomfortable.
We get a quick interlude of Dr. Stone and his assistants taking Victor down to “the red room”, where their most high-tech equipment is being kept, and Silas places his son on a table, telling him that he isn’t leaving him. Yep, it’s about that time where Silas is gonna play Frankenstein with Vic…Kinda makes me wonder if Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E., will ever meet up with Cyborg. Back to the fight, Superman notices that the Parademons aren’t killing any of the civilians, instead flying them off to who-knows-where. However, as they start to get overwhelmed, Wonder Woman comes charging in and starts kicking all kinds of ass, which of course results in Hal Jordan (AKA ‘The Dick’) calling dibs. I would just like to point out that in the next arc of Justice League, Hal gets his lights punched out by Diana, who later pairs up with Superman. Apparently the ‘dibs rule’ is dead.
Back at S.T.A.R. Labs, we see that Victor’s vitals are still intact, but that the energy that blasted him is now eating him away from the inside out, sending him into cardiac arrest. However, Silas is certain the technology in the red room can save Victor, injecting him with nanites and attaching a Promethium skin graft to his body. Victor starts chanting binary code and seeing images as the nanites come online, suddenly being able to see and hear the transmissions from the boxes that opened the boom tubes and seeing the shadowed face of Darkseid.
Meanwhile, the heroes notice the Parademons regrouping over the water. Something massive emerges from underwater, Hal having to put up a shield to keep the city from being flooded, and we see a giant structure coming up out of the ocean. They wonder what it could be, and here a voice tell them that he was hoping they could tell him, as a skewered Parademon is dropped at their feet by the arriving Aquaman in all his badass glory.
Issue #4 opens with the Promethium skin graft covering Victor’s body as the transformation into Cyborg is nearly complete. He’s going through the data in the suit’s operating system, and I can’t help but notice among the names listed in the data were Professor Ivo, Will Magnus, and Ryan Choi AKA the freaking Atom. And at this point, I must institute the second rule of the New 52 Drinking Game: Whenever something happens that confuses you on account of not having read comics prior to the relaunch, take two shots! Are you feeling tipsy yet? Anyway, Parademons break in and Cyborg’s sonic cannon blows them away. Victor gets a look at himself in the mirror and runs away screaming “YOU DID THIS TO ME!”, which honestly, I feel like they missed an opportunity to have a really good Darth Vader “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” moment.
Back in Metropolis, Aquaman and the others are comparing notes on what’s going on. Naturally, Hal decides to be an ass to Aquaman, then calls him out asking exactly what Aquaman can bring to the table since Superman is insanely strong, Flash is insanely fast, Wonder Woman can cut through armies all day long, and Hal “can do anything with this ring”. So the Parademons fly in, and Aquaman decided now is a good time to give Hal a demonstration of what he brings to the table.
Hal decides to shut up after this, much to my joy. Things are made a bit more complicated when the military shows up with orders to take out anything “non-human”. Trevor’s flying one of the choppers yelling not to open fire on Diana or the others, but they argue that she’s capable of protecting herself from their gunfire and that he should just be lucky their orders to bring all demons, aliens, super-humans, etc. doesn’t include his “girlfriend”. Gosh, I wonder if this is propaganda on the Bush administration. -_-
We get a scene where Cyborg, on the run, comes across a woman being attacked by Parademons. He saves her, but his systems interact with the box they’re carrying, allowing him to intercept their transmissions and learn what they’re doing: They locate inhabited worlds, then go about harvesting, processing, and re-purposing any and all organic materials found on said inhabited worlds. When he wonders where the pinging sound is coming from, his systems access the boom tubes and send him to the source.
Back with the heroes, Superman and Flash are trying to stop the choppers firing on them. Wonder Woman says they need to get the pilots to safety, and GL agrees, but not because he’s a good guy like Barry but because he wants to impress Diana, and that most of what he does is to impress. Batman questions him on this, and Hal wonders why he said that, to which Diana notes that, in all this chaos, his hand accidentally got ensnared by the Lasso of Truth. I simply do not have words to describe how funny that is. Cyborg boom tubes in, looking a little worse for wear, and warns them that “he’s coming…right here…”. When they ask who, another boom tube opens, and so our comic ends as the leader of the Parademons steps out: Darkseid.
These comics are actually a lot of fun. While Hal’s constant dickery gets on my nerves, it honestly DOES make him kind of fun, especially when it comes back to bite him like with Aquaman. Speaking of which, Aquaman is frigging AWESOME. If this book doesn’t get it into your head that Aquaman is a badass, I don’t know what will…Well, except for maybe this.
Wonder Woman is also awesome as we actually get a fairly decent take on the character. On one hand, she is compassionate and loving, but on the other hand, if you come barging in and start attacking people, she will fuck your shit up. We also get some decent character bits from Dr. Stone, Steve Trevor, and Cyborg. One thing that kinda bugs me is just how violent this story gets at times, but considering it’s a story about an alien invasion, I suppose it’s fitting. The only issue I have is just how distrusting the government is of the group, and how terrified the people are of them. With the exception of Batman, I much prefer to see the people looking up to the heroes and feeling safe around them, knowing these are people that are there to protect them.
But hey, I suppose there’s still time for that to turn around. Next time, we look at Justice League #5 & #6 as the heroes put up a desperate stand against Darkseid. Ja né!
So I got a few things for Christmas, but I wanted to focus this particular entry on the comic book (graphic novel) that I got today: Justice League Origin, considered to be the primary introduction to The New 52. And because I suppose there’s a chance someone could read this blog entry that hasn’t read up much on the New 52, hasn’t read my previous What I Bought Today entries, or just wants more information, let’s first take a trip back to September 2011.
At the end of an event comic known as Flashpoint, wherein the Flash (Barry Allen, for those curious as to which Flash) found himself in an Earth where history had been altered due to a mistake he made going backward in time, Flash manages to stop himself from altering time, thus returning the world to the way it was supposed to be. However, a cloaked individual later confirmed to be Pandora (as in Pandora’s Box Pandora) merged the timeline of the main DC universe with that of two others (Wildstorm and Vertigo), claiming that they had originally been one universe but were splintered to weaken them. We’ll talk more about how combining the universes and causing some of the changes seen in the new DC Universe, or DCnU, makes very little sense later on. Instead, let’s take a look at the book that really helps to kick this new universe off, and yes, this will be an actual review. But since I don’t wanna melt anyone’s brains from going over it all at once, I’ll only look at Issues #1 & #2 here and cover the rest in other blog entries. So, as they say on a VERY popular comic book review show, let’s dig into Justice League #1 & #2 and see how the new universe got started!
Issue #1 opens 5 years in the past, so I’m guessing since this came out in 2011, that makes this 2006. The Gotham City Police Department follow Batman via helicopters as he chases down a figure that is clearly not human. After a tussle with it, Batman is helped out by Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern, who actually seems surprised to learn that Batman is real. Apparently superheroes are only recently becoming known to the public and haven’t really interacted much with each other. Also, it seems the world is afraid of them.
While chasing their target down, GL asks Batman what his powers are, eventually realising that Batman has none. He’s more than a bit surprised and maybe doubting of Batman at this point, until he notices that Batman has slipped his ring off. And it’s at this point I gotta wave a yellow card and just ask: REALLY? The Guardians of the Universe didn’t install some kinda safety mechanism in case someone just took the ring off a Green Lantern? Batman says that he managed to get it off him because Hal wasn’t concentrating, and that that’s clearly the means of controlling the ring, but I still wanna call foul. It’s pretty much at this point that the New 52 Drinking Game comes into play: Whenever something occurs that makes no sense, especially given knowledge obtained prior to the relaunch, take a shot. Let’s see how long it takes for readers to get plastered, shall we?
Anyway, they find the target, but it blows itself up, screaming “FOR DARKSEID!”. Hal manages to shield them both from the blast and tries to scan the box it left behind, but is unable to. Hal’s confused at this, claiming that the ring should be able to give him any information that the Guardians know…And take a shot. Okay, I know the Guardians of the Universe are MAJOR screw-ups, and nowadays have actually made the jump to being villains, but gimme a break. They don’t know of Darkseid or his machinations? This actually makes less sense later on, but we’ll get to that.
Realising this is clearly alien tech, Hal decides they should go to Metropolis, since rumour has it that Superman is an alien. Batman starts to say that he’s researched Superman, claiming his power levels are over 9000 (okay, Hal cuts him off at “power levels”, but how funny would it be if he’d actually said that?), but GL seems sure he can handle Supes if he becomes a problem.
We cut to Victor Stone winning a big football game, scouts apparently wanting to give him a huge scholarship. However, poor Vic seems more disappointed that his Dad couldn’t make the game, and that apparently he’s missed several, his studies on super-humans keeping him away. Quickly, somebody cue a chorus to sing “Cats In The Cradle”! Suddenly, a big green jet flies overhead and sets down in Metropolis, letting Batman and GL out. Batman warns Hal not to engage Superman, who apparently has been in a fight recently. Hal just puts Batman in a big green box and tells him he can handle this. However, a red and blue blur flies out and knocks Hal for a MAJOR loop, sending him crashing through the box that held Batman, before it lands next to the Dark Knight, revealing itself to be Superman.
Issue #2 opens at the Central City Crime Lab, Barry Allen arguing with his superior regarding a murder case. He wants to follow up on it, insisting this man was a husband and a father and that he shouldn’t become a cold case, but while his superior agrees and wants to be solving murders as bad as Barry does, it seems the police chief wants every last one of them working to solve the Flash case, apparently obsessed with figuring out who the Flash really is. Major “Ouch” moment for Barry.
Meanwhile, we see that Batman has pretty much emptied his utility belt trying to stop Superman, who is convinced they were working with the ones that attacked him earlier since they had a box like the one Batman and GL took from the previous Parademon. GL gets his second wind and tries to chain up Superman, but like that’s gonna work. Batman is sure that Superman was worked into a frenzy from his previous fight and that right now he’s far too strong and fast to fight, but Hal claims he knows someone faster. He calls up Barry, since they apparently worked together on a case to bring down Gorilla Grodd…and destroyed the Museum of Natural History in the process, which is part of the reason the police want Flash. However, after some begging and insisting that Superman is going to kill them (Superman doesn’t kill, take a shot), Flash shows up and actually gets a good shot in on Superman. He’s pretty sure this is a big misunderstanding, but Supes doesn’t seem to be in the mood to listen to him. Barry dodges his attacks with ease until Superman finally gets a finger flick into Barry’s face, sending him flying down the street. Batman finally manages to talk everyone down, Flash fixing up the damage their fight has done. As they try to get to the bottom of things, the military catches up to them. Superman’s sure that Lex Luthor can’t be far behind, so they take cover underground.
We cut to S.T.A.R. Labs in Detroit. They’ve got the box from Superman’s tussle with a Parademon, and have picked up a signal coming from it. Apparently, there are similar signals coming from New England, Washington D.C., Central City, and Coast City. Dr. Silas Stone is sure that the super-humans are involved somehow, but is cut off when his son Victor shows up, highly upset. His dad tells him that he doesn’t need a scholarship, since he’s paying for his school, but Victor would rather he pay for someone who needs it, claiming that M.S.U. wants him and that he could go pro. Dr. Stone pretty much explodes at him, telling him that with super-humans popping up, it could only be a matter of time before they make what Victor can do seem like nothing at all and that then he’d have nothing.
Meanwhile, Superman has brought the team to an abandoned printing press, since he apparently doesn’t have a base of operations. Fortress of Solitude, anyone? Take a shot! Hal thinks he and Flash should take the box and ditch Batman and Superman, and Batman determines that Flash is a cop when he suggests he could take the box in for analysis and try to find fingerprints or DNA traces. However, before they can continue on, we see both this box and the box at S.T.A.R. Labs are setting off some kind of pinging sound, after which they rip open massive portals that let loose legions of Parademons. And so our comic ends with Dr. Stone looking on in horror as his son is caught in the blast of the portal opening, his body burnt and torn asunder.
These comics…don’t really suck. No, really, since this book is supposed to be a brand new start and could be the first book for new readers, a lot is established. The book establishes that Batman has no powers but is fit enough to keep up with the others and is very likely the intellectual superior of the group. It establishes the group’s varying powers and how they work. It establishes the friendship between Hal Jordan and Barry Allen, as well as how Hal and Batman have problems getting along (and how Hal can be kind of a dick, lol). Most of all, we get to see Victor Stone BEFORE he becomes Cyborg, his relationship with his father, and we see what accident occurs in the new universe that will inevitably cause him to become Cyborg. However, this book isn’t perfect. For one thing, Wonder Woman and Aquaman still haven’t shown up by the end of issue #2, but then that could just be to set up the others first before introducing them. Also, this book has the main failing of most books involving Superman in the New 52 in that they constantly feel the need to remind us that he’s an alien. The only other problem is that anyone reading this book that knows these characters’ histories prior to the relaunch will find themselves picking at everything different, be it subconsciously or not.
Still, this is a good read, and it only gets better from here. Next time, we look at Issues #3 & #4, wherein we get to see New 52 debuts of Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg, and of course, Darkseid. Ja né!
And people accuse Bronies and Trekkies of going too far. Hardy har.
Time for another tale of my bottomless stupidity. And before you ask, yes someone made THAT joke after this happened. lol
In case ANYONE still wonders why I haven’t a new wrestling show in months, lemme spell it out for you here.
So, some interesting news came out today. It has been announced on Twitter the new full-time writer for Batgirl, following Gail Simone‘s departure. I’m not sure what this means for Ray Fawkes, though. He MIGHT still be doing those 2-3 issues, maybe not. We’ll have to see. In the meantime, the new official writer for Batgirl, taking over the book full time is…
Yep, Gail’s got her job back, much to my relief and the relief of several fans of her hers and the book. However, at the same time, I think more than a few people are ridiculously confused regarding this matter. My own guess on the matter is that someone higher up in DC than the person who made the call to can Gail either didn’t approve it in the first place or decided it would be more advantageous to DC Comics (more money, in other words) to have her stay on board and keep her happy.
And call me negative if you please, but frankly, I refuse to believe that Gail was given Batgirl back because the fans called DC out on a dumb call. Why? Well, because fans have been calling DC out on dumb calls for YEARS now, and it has RARELY stopped them before. So yeah, to anyone celebrating that DC listened to the fans and that this is a sign that they will consider our input more seriously from now on, I hate to burst your bubble but I would’ve sooner believed in the so-called apocalypse that people were saying was supposed to happen today.
Speaking of which, in case anyone’s wondering, I did extensive research regarding why the end never happened, and after finally getting access to satellite footage, I managed to find shots of some sort of blur that seemed to be moving at a speed that should not be humanly possible all across the planet. I will now show you one such an image.
…Your guess is as good as mine, folks. I don’t pretend to know everything, I’m just a mild-mannered blogger. But anyway, that’s my thoughts on the Gail Simone matter for now, and as always I’ll keep people that read my blog posted if I learn anything more. Ja né!