Monthly Archives: January 2012

Re: Lewis Lovhaug is NOT Your Slave

…Okay folks, this has been LONG overdue, but there’s something I need to say: I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made any of you that watch Lewis Lovhaug’s History of Power Rangers videos feel like I was lashing out at the whole lot of you. I’m sorry if I overstepped my limits as one of his fans. I honestly didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt feelings, and I am very, VERY sorry if that is what happened.

For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, I will explain. A little over a month ago, I wrote a blog entry entitled ‘Lewis Lovhaug is NOT Your Slave’, in which I pretty much lashed out at a group of people who had actually made the suggestions that Lewis Lovhaug, AKA Linkara, drop his regular show and main source of income, Atop The Fourth Wall, so that he could work exclusively on History of Power Rangers. However, as I suppose I should’ve known would occur at some point in this blog, the more I open my mouth to let off some steam, the more likely it is that I offend some people. And apparently, that’s what happened as many of Lewis’ more patient fans thought that I was basically lashing out at EVERYBODY. That wasn’t the intent, and I apologise to anyone that were affected negatively by this with no justifiable cause.

The other thing I did was that I posted re-worked lyrics to the song ‘George R. R. Martin Is Not Your Bitch’, turning it into a song about impatient viewers of History of Power Rangers insisting that Lewis get the next episode out when they wanted instead of when was realistically possible and basically my attempts to tell them that there’s plenty of other entertaining shows to watch while waiting for the next episode. Any and all insults in the song were really meant to be harmless nods and jabs. As it pertains to the song though, I have three things that I need to admit to right now, albeit it one of them I had already outright stated and another I had hinted at.

1) The song was not my original idea, I decided to do it after Arkle of suggested it on the TGWTG forums.

2) My girlfriend, PinkRangerWannabe at, actually did darn near all the lyrics herself, though I would imagine she did so mostly out of a desire to keep as much swearing as possible out of the song (she doesn’t approve of swearing at all, as I can personally attest to, :P). Though above all others I take credit for the SF Debris line because I made it my goal at some point in my blog’s run to give his work a cheap plug, because that’s how I roll.

3) While the song did get a laugh out of Lewis himself upon reading it, I have to admit to something upon reviewing it myself: The song is neither all that funny nor cleverly written. This is because the lines are practically copied word for word from the original song and altered so that George R. R. Martin becomes Lewis Lovhaug, writer becomes reviewer, and read becomes watch. NOT CLEVER. And yeah, like I said, I didn’t write most of it, but I DID approve and post it.

Finally, there’s one other thing I need to admit to, and this is one other reason that has led to this apology/confession: Most of the hits on my blog on WordPress are from that one blog entry…which has actually been somewhat infuriating given how much more I’ve tried to cater to the video game, wrestling, and Tokusatsu fan-bases lately, and yet still that entry is what brings the most people in. Swell.

Actually, to be honest, that IS part of the reason it stays up, because so many people come for that and that I hope it leads them to read the rest of my stuff. The other reason is that I like keeping it there to serve as a reminder to myself as to which ceiling I REALLY shouldn’t go crashing through.

Anyway, I hope that this write-up has healed any feelings that were unjustifiably hurt by my earlier blog entry, and in addition, I would also like to apologise to Lewis Lovhaug himself as, upon looking back at aforementioned blog entry, I almost feel like I was trying to address his fans for him instead of letting him be the man we all know he is and take care of any issues he had himself. So again, to all those negatively affected by this, my deepest apologies, and I can only hope you can all find it in yourselves to forgive me, though admittedly either way I’m not going anywhere.

Jyger The Mark’s Ramblings – Royal Rumble Aftermath

Okay, so the Royal Rumble has come and gone, so now’s as good enough a time to look and see how I did in my predictions, as well as talk about some of the highlights from the show.

Since the show started with the Steel Cage Match, I’ll start off there. So yeah, pretty much like I thought it would go, with the three of them laying some pretty good beatings on one another, but ultimately Daniel Bryan managed to slip away with the win…quite literally, actually, since Big Show had him in a death grip above the ring and Bryan slipped out of his grasp to fall to the floor below, thus getting the win.

Daniel Bryan Wins

Afterwards, there was a bonus match: An 8-Diva Tag Match. I didn’t really care much for it. Don’t get me wrong, I like Natalya and Beth Phoenix, and I guess Kelly Kelly and Eve are alright, but…well, I guess I’ll just say it: Will somebody please tell me why the hell Alicia Fox got a match on a PPV? She is one of the worst piece of shit wrestlers I have ever seen in my life. Anyway, not much to say, Team Phoenix got the win.

So my reasoning behind Kane winning his match by DQ was simple: Cena needed momentum going into his match with The Rock, and Kane shouldn’t have lost his first big match back. I figured, how else could they pull this off? Well apparently, there was one way that I didn’t think of: A double count-out. Oh, and when it was over, Kane beat the crap outta Cena, got ahold of the already injured (on-screen that is) Zack Ryder, and gave him a Tombstone Piledriver just for fun. So yeah, should be interesting to see where this goes.

After that, I’m pretty sure there was a match between Drew McIntyre and Brutus Clay…At least I think there was. As soon as I saw Brutus come out and start dancing, I retreated into the dark recesses of my mind. Anyway, double checking on showed me that Brutus won with the…err, “What The Funk” Body Splash?…Okay…

Brutus Clay Wins

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler was again what I expected…with a slight twist, in that John Laurinaitis assigned a different in-ring referee and he essentially became the Special Enforcer/back-up referee. Punk and Ziggles (no I didn’t misspell it, that’s just what I call him sometimes) put on a good show, as I figured they would. I just hope that next time Ziggler gets a shot at the title, the story has more to do with him and not the guy officiating. Anyway, CM Punk wins with Laurinaitis getting in the ring to count along with the ref, continuing the current angle of him trying to suck up to everyone so that he’ll keep his job.

Finally, we came to the Royal Rumble. Before I get to the winner, lemme talk about some of my favourite moments from this Rumble…

Mr. Socko vs. The Cobra

As I’ve made clear to people I talk to about wrestling, I really can’t stand Santino. I find him to be a waste of money, especially when you consider that the only reason he ever got a job with WWE is that he gave them a reason to fire Jim Cornette. However I will note that he usually gives some HILARIOUS moments at the Rumble, and this year was no different as he and Mick Foley had a stand off, resulting in them pulling out Mr. Socko and The Cobra. Yeah, forget Cena vs. Rock, forget Hogan vs. Andre, Mr. Socko vs. The Cobra could totally headline Wrestlemania.

Superstars Return

Oh, we had some good ones this year. Not including Chris Jericho and Mick Foley, since we knew they’d be in already, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, The Great Khali, and even Kharma all returned to take a crack at winning the Rumble.

Kofi Kingston's Handstand

I honestly didn’t think anyone could ever beat John Morrison’s use of parkour to avoid elimination, and then I saw THAT. I should definitely make a list of some of the most eye-popping moments in the Rumble, but for now, let us just say that ranks pretty high.

All Three Announcers Enter

Yep, believe it or not, all three announcers entered the Royal Rumble this year, all the while I was laughing my ass off. And believe it or not, Michael Cole actually lasted longer than The King before…well, remember how I talked about those returns?

If I could, I would make that my screen saver. Seriously, that one move should award her a Slammy.

Anyway, on to the actual winner. You’ll recall I originally picked Chris Jericho, Sheamus, Randy Orton, or Wade Barrett to possibly win the Rumble. And as it turned out, three out of those four made it to the final four of the Rumble, with Jericho, Orton, and Sheamus staring each other and the 30th Entrant, The Big Show, down. Big Show was surprisingly the first of the four to go out, being eliminated by Orton, but then Jericho quickly tossed Orton out as well. After a LONG back and forth fight between Jericho and Sheamus, with multiple near-eliminations between the two, it finally ended with one good kick to the face of Chris Jericho, knocking him from the apron to the floor below, thus awarding Sheamus the victory as he will now move on to challenge the champion of his choosing in the main event at Wrestlemania.

Sheamus Wins

Well, that’s all from me. Hope you all enjoyed the Rumble as much as I did.

Jyger The Mark’s Ramblings – The Royal Rumble

So, I’m going to the Royal Rumble tonight. I generally don’t go to PPVs that often because they’re flipping expensive, but I generally try to go to the Royal Rumble because it’s my favourite since the Royal Rumble match itself pretty much stands for everything that I like about wrestling: Chaotic entertainment that is VERY hard to predict the outcome of. While I’m likely gonna be doing another blog entry where I talk about the results tomorrow (hopefully), I just wanted to make a few predictions on the show first.

WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs Dolph Ziggler

I feel really, really bad for Dolph Ziggler going into this match, and I will tell you why: Because the plot going into this match, the main story arc that this match is a part of, has NOTHING to do with Dolph Ziggler. This story is about CM Punk and John Laurinaitis. Ziggler is basically there to be the challenger, nothing more, nothing less. And it’s sad because I think him and Punk could have a great rivalry, but this is not about a rivalry between the two of them. They’ve even gone so far as to eliminate the possibility of Ziggler beating Punk for the title, it’s more a question of whether or not Laurinaitis will screw Punk out of the championship, and that’s kinda sad. Still, I expect these two to put on a hell of a match, and really, that’s the most important part, right?

Predicted Winner: CM Punk

Kane vs. John Cena

No, you know what, before I get to the match, I need to address something that I think a lot of people have been ragging on: Kane’s new attire. Watching videos on YouTube of Kane’s return, I’ve seen commenters (which spell checker says is not a real word btw) say that his new look is ridiculous. I have the following reply to such: WHY DO YOU CARE?! Have you actually been watching what he’s been doing since coming back?! He coulda come back dressed like Doink The Clown and I wouldn’t have cared, because the only thing that matters is that when you are standing across the ring from this Kane, you better fight for your life or he might just take it from you. PERIOD!

Anyway, as far as the match goes, I suspect that Kane will win via DQ, with Cena finally snapping as a result of Kane breaking his friend Zack Ryder’s back and will finally embrace the hate. The hate for Kane. What happens afterwards is anyone’s guess.

Predicted Winner: Kane via DQ

World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

I find what they’re doing with Daniel Bryan to be kind of intriguing. He hasn’t REALLY turned full heel YET, but you kinda feel like he’s going to. Surprisingly though, I actually find Mark Henry’s current persona going into this match as being the one I like most: The one that doesn’t care about the girl in the hospital and if she really forgives Big Show for accidentally tackling her or not, and not caring about who is on the level about what they say. He’s just coming to kick some ass and get his belt back. So between the animosity between Big Show and Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry’s intent to get his belt back, EXPECT EXTREME BRUTALITY.

Predicted Winner: Daniel Bryan via Escape

The Royal Rumble Match

This is one where I simply do not have one predicted winner, but that’s good because this is a match where I just like to sit back and see what happens and make predictions on the fly. The only thing I know for certain is that The Miz will be entering at #1, making him the least likely individual to win, but then stranger things have happened at the Rumble, which is what makes it so fun. Oh, and I know this much too: If Santino Marella wins the Rumble (because he came very close last year), I will protest. BIG TIME.

Possible Winners: Chris Jericho, Sheamus, Randy Orton, Wade Barret

…Anyway, that’s all from me, and I guess I’ll see what happens in a few hours.

10 Pokémon That Got The Shaft

I would never use the term “Bad Pokémon”. I would never even give a Pokémon a memo. But I will say this: I think that there are some Pokémon that can prove to be a challenge to keep on a team. Now I’m not talking about pre-evolutions that have a move-set of maybe 2-4 moves, I’m talking Pokémon that are either evolved or don’t evolve at all that just weren’t given enough development or have Generation by Generation been neglected by the programmers and producers behind the games. So right now, I’m gonna take a look at 10 Pokémon that could really use some work and how that could’ve been done. And I don’t plan to waste any time, and start off with one of my personal favourites on this list…

#303, Mawile - The Deceiver Pokémon

Poor Mawile. I love your design so much, and yet you repeatedly get the shaft. Getting Sheer Force as a Hidden Ability was a definite plus, especially if Mawile has Iron Head, but the problem still remains that, due to low Speed and HP, it still can’t hang on most teams in competitive play. I guess a Focus Band or Quick Claw would solve that problem…for a turn. Otherwise, not much else that can be done as it is currently.

How I would correct this: Evolution. As I said, having Sheer Force helps a lot, but the boost in stats is required too. And maybe a new move, possibly Meteor Mash.

#83, Farfetch'd - The Wild Duck Pokémon

This little birdie just can’t seem to catch a break, I think. What do the producers of this game have against you? The leek it carries allows it to use moves like Night Slash and Leaf Blade, so it DOES have a varied movepool. The downside? Farfetch’d can’t really utilize those attacks to their peak efficiency due to having such low stats! Without good stats, it just can’t keep up in competitive play. There is ONE thing it can do better than any other Pokémon though…

How I would correct this: Either evolution or some new kind of ability, one that increases the power of cutting moves. No real changes needed to the movepool.

#359, Absol - The Disaster Pokémon

If you’re wondering why Absol is on this list, I don’t blame you. Absol is not really what I would consider bad (again, if I were to use that term at all), but rather it’s in a state of some sort of mediocrity limbo. It’s kinda sad, too, as Absol has so much going for it. It can learn the best priority move in the game: Sucker Punch. Problem is that none of the other moves it gets STAB (Same Type Attack Bonus) from come close to it and thus, when Absol comes out, the opponent is gonna KNOW that move is coming and plan around it. Oh, and also Absol’s defensive stats could use some work.

How I would correct this: New moves. Really, this is more like how I would improve ALL Dark-type Pokémon. There just aren’t enough Dark-type moves in the game. Also, a move or ability that helps it defend itself against Fighting-type moves. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it seems like Fighting-type moves and Pokémon got a major boost the past couple of Generations.

#136, Flareon - The Flame Pokémon

Now if you’re again wondering why Flareon is on this list, I pity you. Don’t get me wrong, it has plenty good going for it, but if I had to isolate its biggest problem, it would be the lack of any really good Physical Fire-type move. That’s a problem seeing as how Flareon’s best stat is Attack, and it’s actually a pretty high stat, but without any particularly powerful Physical Fire-type moves, it therefore becomes a classic case of wasted potential.

How I would correct this: Flare Blitz. The best Physical Fire-type move that isn’t a signature move for a Legendary Pokémon, and they NEVER thought to give it to Flareon? What were they thinking?!

#47, Parasect - The Mushroom Pokémon

I wanna smack whoever it was that gave Parasect a base Speed stat of 30. 30, on a Pokémon that has 6 weaknesses, many of whom are usually pretty speedy! Also I wanna find the one who decided Parasect’s Hidden Ability should be Damp and give them one good kick in the arse. They had a chance to give Parasect something really cool, and they messed it up. Dry Skin makes Parasect a great Pokémon to switch to when battling Water Pokémon since it absorbs Water moves automatically, but it also gives it a quintuple weakness to Fire. Effect Spore could potentially, POTENTIALLY, leave an opponent that makes physical contact with it with a status infliction, but unless Parasect is being hit by a move it’s resistant to, it’ll likely get knocked out.

How I would correct this: Evolution. With its current abilities and stats, there really isn’t much else that can be done with it. The only other thing I can think of is an alternate evolution, something that maybe gives it a different typing or better distributed stats. The movepool is okay, all things considered.

#587, Emolga - The Sky Squirrel Pokémon

This one’s actually kind of odd for me to put in the list since I actually have an Emolga on my standard team. I love this thing, it’s easily my favourite of the Generation V Pokémon, is uber kawaii, and is the only non-Legendary Electric/Flying-type. However, as I DO use one on my team, I also know its weaknesses like the back of my hand. It really comes down to this: It lacks any real means of defending itself from Ice and Rock-types. The best it can pull off is Hidden Power Steel or Fighting-type, and it’s near impossible to determine the type and base power that Hidden Power will have. The only other means is Iron Tail, and I hate that move. I hate it because it’s too damned inaccurate and there really is no way around its inaccuracy. Also, Acrobatics is really its best Flying-type move, and that’s only if it’s not holding an item, which could be an issue.

How I would correct this: I’m thinking it doesn’t necessarily need an evolution, just better moves. Mind Reader would make Iron Tail a lot better a choice, and Hurricane would work great in tandem with Rain Dance. Vacuum Wave would be a neat choice too, but if they gave Emolga Mind Reader, I’m thinking another good move to let it learn is Focus Blast.

#225, Delibird - The Delivery Pokémon

A Pokémon that cannot learn anything other than one move naturally. That one move is Present, a move that you cannot predict the outcome of. It can learn other moves through TMs and the like, but due to stats comparable to Farfetch’d, there’s not much it can do with them. Also, its Hidden Ability does the exact same thing as one of its standard ones. What the Flying Dutchman were they thinking?! It’s like GameFreak WANTS this Pokémon to be unplayable in competitive play.

How I would correct this: Evolution, and a different ability. I’m thinking Snow Warning, since that would actually make Delibird a pretty useful lead for Hail teams.

#144, Articuno - The Freeze Pokémon

…Y’know what, I can solve this real quick. Articuno’s biggest issue is 4x weakness to Stealth Rock? Okay…

How I would correct this: Magic Bounce. NEXT!

Regice, Registeel, Regirock, and Regigigas- The Legendary Golems

More Legendaries?! Oy…Okay, problem with the Golems comes down to Speed. The base Speed stat of Regice, Registeel, and Regirock is 50, and Regigigas has Slow Start as its ONLY ability. Also, they ALL share a weakness to Fighting-types, and as I mentioned before, Fighting-types have become an even bigger force in the past two Generations than they ever were before. Therefore, odds are that a powerful and speedy enough Fighting-type can knock any of these four out before they can lay a good enough attack. Regigigas is workable in Double Battles since you can use Skill Swap on it to unleash its full speed and power right away. The others, not so much.

How I would correct this: I would give each of them an ability that causes the equivalent of Trick Room to occur upon entering the arena. This would allow the Golems to hit hard before any of those faster Fighting-types.

And the final Pokémon to appear on this list is…

#289, Slaking - The Lazy Pokémon

Yep, the laziest fully evolved Pokémon of all. I’d actually WAY sooner use its pre-evolved form, Vigoroth, than this thing. ‘Cuz even with its crazy high stats, and it DOES have crazy high stats, the ability to move only once every other turn hinders it FAR too much. Now like Regigigas, it can work in Double Battles where its partner has Skill Swap, but otherwise it just lays there like a massive target. And if it gets paralysed, attracted, or confused, you’re officially screwed.

How I would correct this: Don’t use it…Nah, just kidding. I’m thinking it needs a Hidden Ability. Particularly something that makes it immune to one or more of those status inflictions I mentioned before.

Anyway, that’s all I got to say about all that. Hope you take this with a good sense of humour and remember, I’m not saying not to use certain Pokémon, just what I would do to change them, and also a reminder that if you choose to use them, be prepared for a challenge.

Zelda Chronology: Ghirahim is just CREEPY!

Just a little side-story I thought I’d talk about. I was going through various videos and information on Skyward Sword so that I could talk about it in the Zelda Chronology later on because, as I have to admit to, I have neither played the full game nor own a copy. I will explain why that is when we come to it, but for now, just know that I haven’t. Anyway, one thing that definitely caught my eye in this game is the main villain for the majority of the game, Lord Ghirahim.

"I am the demon who presides over this land you look down upon... The surface."

I’m just gonna say this upfront: Ghirahim is the creepiest villain in Zelda history, but that’s good because it makes him stand out. But there was something else odd about him, that I just couldn’t let go. It was during the cut-scene prior to the second of his boss battles, when he’s changing into his black gloves and he’s showing off the weird patterns on his body. He kinda reminded me of…

Drawn by WforWumbo on deviantArt

…Yep, that sounds about right, except that whereas I find Lady Gaga to be kinda hot, Ghirahim is just kinda…creepy. As evidenced by THIS.

…Oh, and one other bit of footage I wasn’t able to get in there, when he scores a hit on Link with his sword in boss battles, he actually LICKS HIS SWORD CLEAN!

Zelda Chronology: Part 5

Before we get started, I have a certain redemption I need to obtain. While looking back on my previous installation of the Zelda Chronology, I made something of an epic fail on my part. As somebody who loves to take the sillier moments in the Zelda games and parody the crap outta them, I failed to mention the crowning achievement in silly moments in the Zelda games: The barrel scene in Wind Waker, wherein the pirates actually load Link into a barrel and launch him at the Forsaken Fortress. So, as penance, here are the Top 5 Jokes/References I Could Have Made About The Barrel Scene In Wind Waker!

…Let us never speak of that again. Now, onto today’s Zelda game, and my own personal favourite in the series’ 3D games, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. It was first shown off at E3 2004, just one year after Wind Waker was released. A trailer was shown for it, resulting in a reaction from the crowd that is widely considered to be one of the all-time greatest moments in the franchise’s history.

You know, as awesome as Miyamoto is, he looks like the king of all geekdom in this. Seriously, he’s got a 1-Up Mushroom t-shirt on!…Okay, all cruel jokes at Nintendo’s lord and master aside, Zelda fans were ecstatic, but then we had to wait a LONG 10 months of complete silence from Nintendo before a new trailer was released in March of 2005 at the Game Developers Conference, during which I was utterly terrified as to whether or not Nintendo employees might just be being tortured for information somewhere. Over the next few months, it was revealed that the game would actually be released on both the Gamecube and the Wii, one directly after the other. A lot of people have talked back and forth about which was better and whether or not it was a good idea, but we’re not here to talk about that. What I will mention is that the Gamecube version (since that’s the one I own) has some of the all-time best graphics and sound of ANY game released for that system. The game was also given the first T-Rating in the franchise’s history, which is generally attributed to the violence, blood, horrific imagery, and partial nudity seen in this game, that of course we have NEVER seen in Zelda games.

Yep, no blood, violence, nudity, or scary imagery in Zelda games.

Oh, and real quick warning: Due to my own love of this story and just how involved it is, this is gonna be a long one FULL of spoilers, so just warning you now. The story starts off with Link, who is a young adult in this game, who works as a ranch worker and wrangler, which is quite different from most versions of the hero. During a series of events that occur over the run of just a couple of days, several strange beasts begin to appear in the forest around Link’s home-town. During an attack, Link is knocked out. When he comes to, his horse Epona and his friend Ilia are missing. While following after the monsters responsible, he’s pulled through a wall of darkness into a bizarre-looking world. As the monsters return, the Triforce symbol glows on his hand and his form is changed into a wolf. He’s then captured and held prisoner in Hyrule Castle, but is then freed by a mischievous imp named Midna. Midna agrees to help Link out, but in return, he must be her “servant”. Dominatrix/bestiality jokes aside, we’re walking, we’re walking…

So Midna manages to help him get to a tower where a cloaked woman is held captive, who Midna refers to as the ‘Twilight Princess’. She tells how the kingdom has become covered in twilight by invading forces, and reveals herself to be…

Nah, I’m just kidding, it’s actually Princess Zelda. Go figure, huh? Anyway, she tells you how Hyrule was invaded by dark creatures from another realm, Shadow Beasts, and that when given the choice of life or death for her people, Zelda opted to surrender. As a result, the kingdom was shrouded in twilight and anyone caught in it would become wandering souls that would remain unaware of what had happened to them. The only way to fix what has happened is to revive the Light Spirits, who govern over the various provinces of Hyrule, who can then banish the twilight from each province and thus allow Link to become human again while in said provinces. Also, Midna tasks him with finding the Fused Shadow pieces, of which she already has one. And guess what? Yep, gotta search through a bunch of dungeons scattered throughout Hyrule to get them. At first, all that’s known about the Fused Shadow is that it contains a massive amount of power inside of it. That is, until you awaken the Light Spirit Lanayru who tells you the story of the Fused Shadow in what is easily the single most fucked up scene in the entire series EVER.

…I warned you. Anyway, along the way Link takes the time out to help the various peoples of Hyrule, like the Gorons, the Zoras, and the townsfolk of Kakariko Village (which also includes an amnesiac Ilia, as well as some children from Link’s hometown) and being reunited with his horse. He also has encounters with a stranger that appears first as a golden wolf, but then teleports him to a different plane where he takes on the form of a skeleton in knight’s armour. This knight is actually, believe it or not, the Link from Ocarina of Time, who never got the chance to pass on the skills he learned and thus laments that, and so he teaches his skills to this Link.

"Although I accepted life as the hero, I could not convey the lessons of that life to those that came after. At last, I have eased my regrets."

So you find all of the Fused Shadow fragments and it seems that Link and Midna are on the path to setting everything right again when they’re confronted by the leader of the Shadow Beasts, Zant. Zant is kinda over-the-top freaky, but if you’ve followed my YouTube account, you’d know he’s not quite THE freakiest antagonist in the Zelda games. Zant manages to pwn Link and Lanayru with relative ease before taking the three pieces of the Fused Shadow you collected for himself and then cursing Link, forcing him into his wolf form even when he’s in the light. Zant asks Midna to join him, as she is of the same Twilight Realm as he, but she refuses, so he forcibly exposes Lanayru’s light upon her, nearly killing her.

Lanayru teleports Midna and Link near Hyrule Castle, telling Link to see Princess Zelda. Upon reaching Zelda, she reveals more about the situation: Link was first transformed into a wolf to protect him from becoming a wandering soul, or worse, a Shadow Beast. This was done by the gift of the Goddesses he bares within himself, the Triforce of Courage. However, this curse that Zant has placed on him has locked him into this form. The only way to break this curse is to obtain the Master Sword, which has been confirmed to drive away evil. Midna makes the last request that Zelda tell Link where he can find something called the Mirror of Twilight, but instead, Zelda decides to transfer her own gift, the Triforce of Wisdom, to Midna to save her life, though Zelda vanishes as a result. The duo make their way to Sacred Grove, during which Zant places a forcefield around Hyrule Castle, thus keeping them out for now. Arriving in Sacred Grove, Link must undergo a series of trials that includes moving gigantic statues and dealing with…SKULL KID??? Seriously??? Well anyway, you make it through the Sacred Grove and obtain the Master Sword which undoes the curse by removing a dark stone that had been embedded into your skull. Midna decides to keep it so that you can transform at will no matter where you are, and asks that you help her to find the last link to Zant: The Mirror of Twilight. You learn that it was originally somewhere in the Gerudo Desert, but that whole region is unreachable. To get there, you have to be shot there in a cannon that actually is pretty funny, rivalling the barrel scene from Wind Waker. Once there, Midna decides to spill the beans on what she really is, one of the Twili. The Twili are actually the interlopers from Lanayru’s story, having been banished to the Twilight Realm. Eventually though, they found peace for themselves, until Zant took over and turned the Twili into his Shadow Beasts through an evil power unknown by her tribe beforehand. The Mirror of Twilight is the last means of entering the Twilight Realm.

You make your way through the Arbiter’s Grounds (which is ANOTHER dungeon) and defeat a gigantic skeleton monstrosity revived by Zant to uncover the Mirror Chamber…except that the mirror itself has been broken, with only a single piece left. It’s at this point that you are met by the Sages…No, not Rauru and the others, though apparently they are known individually as the Sage of Forest, the Sage of Water, etc. They explain that Zant broke the mirror using the dark powers that he obtained by his ‘God’, though the true identity of this false God is actually revealed to be Ganondorf. It seems that after the child Link blew the whistle on him to the Royal Family, Ganondorf was arrested and sentenced to death. His execution was held at the Mirror Chamber by the Sages, who drove a sword of light through his chest, killing him…or so it should have been, except that through unexplained reasons described only as a ‘divine prank’ he had received the Triforce of Power, and thus broke free of his restraints and pulled the sword from his chest. He went on to kill the Sage of Water, but before he could do so to the remaining Sages, they used the only means of stopping him that was available and banished him to the Twilight Realm with the Mirror of Twilight. However, this has now led to the situation at hand.

"I shall house my power in you...If there is anything you desire, then I shall desire it, too."

Fortunately, as Zant was not the TRUE leader of the Twili, he could not destroy the mirror, merely fracture it and send said pieces to three different locations around Hy-Y’know what, if you don’t know where this is going, promptly remove your own shoe and beat yourself in the head with it! That’s right, it’s dungeon crawling time again, this time in search of the mirror fragments. You gather them back up and take them to the chamber where they are recombined and open the only path to the Twilight Realm. Midna laments what’s become of her world, and the Sages apologize for everything, as at last her true identity is revealed: The REAL Twilight Princess. Zant transformed her into the imp that she currently appears as, and with no other way to save her world, she sought to use Link to obtain the Fused Shadow for her, never once caring for the Realm of Light. However, having seen Link and Zelda’s courage, wisdom, and sacrifice, she’s had a change of heart and wants to save both worlds. Moreso, she wants to defeat Zant so that she can regain her original form and somehow work to revive Zelda.

Traversing through the Palace of Twilight (yep, another dungeon), Link manages to further empower the Master Sword with the Sols, powerful spheres of light that grant life to the Twilight Realm. With this light-infused Master Sword, Link goes to confront Zant one last time, who let’s them in on his backstory, that he once served the Royal Family of the Twilight Realm in the hopes that he would be next to ascend the throne, only to be passed over in favour of Midna. It’s during this explanation that his ruthless, bold, and domineering nature is revealed to have been a smokescreen for his real nature: That of a whiny brat that was told he couldn’t have what he wanted and threw a temper tantrum. Ganon, posing as a God, gave him some of his power, and with it, Zant went about taking over the world he believed to have been rightfully his.

The ensuing battle is…actually, kinda clever. Zant warps you to the locations of many of the previous boss and mini-boss battles, replicating their strategies and attacks while adding his own uniqueness to each, thus making this battle both nostalgic and brand new at the same time. But inevitably you kick his ass. Unfortunately, it seems that Ganon has already been reborn in Hyrule, and as long as he lives, Midna can never revert back to her old self. Having reclaimed the Fused Shadow pieces, she takes it about as well as you can expect, and kills Zant with a mere fraction of the Fused Shadow’s power, which actually manages to frighten even her a bit. With Ganon having taken over Hyrule Castle and Zelda’s body apparently being there, there’s no other path but to break through the force field and get to Hyrule Castle. Luckily, Midna’s got this one covered.

…YIKES…Anyway, you make your way through Hyrule Castle, which is actually the final dungeon of the game, until you reach the top to discover Ganondorf waiting for you, sitting in the throne like he owns the place while proclaiming himself to be the King of Light and Darkness. Actually, much as I talk about how I like this game more than Ocarina of Time, I will say upon reaching this room, I wished he had been playing his theme on an organ like in that game. Anyway, he reveals that he was just using Zant as a means to revive, and that he also has the body of Princess Zelda captive. Using her as his puppet, you engage in what is really just a rehash of the same tennis-style boss battle you’ve had in a ton of Zelda games prior to this. Still, I’ll give the creators of this game credit for making Zelda of all people a boss. Anyway, you beat her/him, and Midna uses the Fused Shadow to force Ganondorf out. However, Ganondorf isn’t defeated yet and transforms into Ganon, who in this game is a gigantic quadrupedal boar-like creature, which I believe is supposed to act as an evil counterpart to Link’s wolf form.

After defeating Ganon, the Triforce of Wisdom returns to Zelda, as does her heart and soul which apparently also went to Midna. Thus Zelda is restored at last, and all seems well again…until Ganondorf returns again as a floating head in fire and darkness. Midna teleports Link and Zelda away, resolving to sacrifice herself and use the Fused Shadow to finish Ganondorf for good. Link and Zelda watch on from Hyrule Field as the castle explodes…only for Ganondorf to AGAIN return, now on dark horseback and backed by not one but SEVERAL Phantom Ganons. Luckily, Zelda has one last trick to employ: Calling to the Light Spirits, she obtains the Light Arrows. So in an epic horseback battle, Link and Zelda ride around on Epona while Zelda shoots Light Arrows at Ganondorf, until finally he falls off his horse. All Ganondorf’s tricks, spells, and transformations having failed, but still being able to continue on, he and Link have one last duel, sword to sword, to finish the battle for good. In the end, using the skills passed down to him by the Hero of Time, Link emerges victorious. Ganondorf staggers to his feet, but the light of the Triforce leaves his hand, leaving him to die…standing up…Weird…Oh look, Midna’s alive, and she’s regained her true form which is…oddly sexy looking…

"What? Say something! Am I so beautiful that you have no words left?"

Well thank goodness for my sanity she decides to go back to the Twilight Realm. Having someone look that bizarrely hot wandering around is just not good for me at all. It’s a sad goodbye, though, as she knows she can never allow something like this to occur again. And so, with a single tear as she passes through the portal at the Mirror Chamber, she shatters the Mirror of Twilight completely, thus closing the only door between the two realms. Hyrule Castle is later rebuilt, and Link returns the Master Sword to its pedestal before leaving his village for destination unknown.

So that’s the story of Twilight Princess, and does it raise any questions regarding the chronology?…Yeah, unfortunately. The first of which that comes to mind is the Sages. I know that in Child Link’s timeline Saria and the others weren’t chosen, but I’m pretty sure Rauru was, and yet these guys claim to have been Sages for centuries. How does THAT work? And you can’t even say that they aren’t supposed to be the same Six Sages, they have the symbols of the Medallions gathered in Ocarina of Time on each of them.

"I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive our carelessness..."

Another issue is with the Hero of Time being in this game as a spirit, specifically in the form of a skeleton. If memory serves, wasn’t it stated in Ocarina of Time that anyone that got lost and passed away in the Lost Woods became a Stalfos, AKA a skeleton? And where was Link the last time we saw him? Why, in the Lost Woods, searching for Navi. This leaves me with the uncomfortable theory that Link died searching for Navi and thus became what we see in this game.

And then there’s the last issue, and that is the Triforce. In this game, Ganondorf received the Triforce of Power, Link the Triforce of Courage, and Zelda the Triforce of Wisdom. Now you could say that that’s because Ganondorf obtained his piece of the Triforce in Ocarina of Time and the Link and Zelda of that time period received the other two pieces as well, except that in the Child Timeline, THAT NEVER HAPPENED! From my understanding on the situation, Ganondorf was arrested BEFORE he could enter the Sacred Realm! The only way this makes sense is if he DID enter the Sacred Realm beforehand, and if that’s so, how the Flying Dutchman did they manage to place him under arrest?!

Anyway, while not perfect, Twilight Princess still stands as my personal favourite, and in my opinion the best of the Gamecube Zelda games. However, next time we’ll be talking about the other Zelda game on the Gamecube as well as a couple of Gameboy Advance games when we dig into The Minish Cap, Four Swords, and Four Swords Adventures.

"When the young lad took out his sword, he split into four separate beings."

Kaiketsu A☆Gilder = Kamen Rider???

So yeah, I was watching one of the newer episodes of Pokémon Best Wishes earlier today, and I could not help but notice the similarity between a character that appears in said episode and a certain beloved Japanese superhero. In fact, the resemblance was so striking that I was certain it was intentional. But then, maybe it’s just me…or you could be the judge.

Okay, okay, all joking aside, I checked Bulbapedia and apparently it WAS intentional. Also, I noticed a bit too late that the costume and name are heavily based off of another classic tokusatsu hero, Kaiketsu Zubat. All I have to say is how funny would it be if this guy’s motif was a Zubat instead of an Accelgor, just to further the joke?

Azurill Grows a WHAT???

So I was watching Chuggaaconroy’s Let’s Play of Pokémon Emerald last night and pretty much had my sanity warped. By what? Watch and see.

Oh, and a special shout out goes to Linkara in regards to my choice of music during the credits. lol

My 10 Personal Favourite Power Rangers

This may surprise no one, but I am a complete and utter geek/dork. And as with most geeks/dorks/etc that grew up in my generation, I am a huge Power Rangers fan. Now I’m not quite as ranty or analytical about the series or about the production of it as others, but seeing as how this IS Jyger’s Rant, I’ll most likely be getting to that in the near future. For now, I thought I’d put my nostalgia glasses on and look at 10 of my favourite Power Rangers from the entire series (in no particular order). Now of course, this is entirely opinion based, so don’t freak out if you disagree with me anywhere. Also, I’m gonna try to avoid referencing each Ranger’s Sentai counterpart, hard as it may be for me as I’m actually a fan of both Power Rangers AND Super Sentai, and before you ask, no, on a whole I do NOT have a preference. So with that said, let’s start off with…

"It's Morphin' Time!"

Trini Kwan, the Yellow Mighty Morphin’ Ranger

Ah Trini, my one true love…Err, that is until I met my girlfriend…Okay, so I had a HUGE fanboy crush on this girl as a kid, but can you honestly blame me? She was beautiful, she knew kung fu, and she had a passion to protect the environment. She often-times was seen assisting Billy with his devices and would also provide English-to-Technobabble translations between himself and the rest of the team. Oh, and apparently her favourite superhero was Wonder Woman. How awesome is that? Sadly, her time on the show only lasted a little over a year. Even sadder, Thuy Trang, the woman who played Trini on the show, tragically passed away in a car accident 10 years ago. She remains dearly missed.

"Lightspeed Rescue!"

Carter Grayson, the Red Lightspeed Rescue Ranger

For some reason, a few fans tend to think of Carter as being kinda bland and uninteresting. And to quote Lewis Black, “I wonder where exactly one can find a drug that would make one so delusional.” Carter was frigging bad-ass! First episode, there was a monster attack, and he tried to run it down with a humvee. When the Zords were brought down by monsters, he just charged them with hand blasters. When a monster cloned itself and was attacking one of Carter’s friends and fellow Rangers, he got out a couple of oversized blasters and held the monster at point-blank range, threatening to blow him away if he didn’t call off the clone. You mess with Carter Grayson, and you’ll either live to regret it, or you won’t live through it at all.

"RPM, Get In Gear!"

Dillon, the Black RPM Ranger

A lot of Power Rangers seasons fall into a pattern where the Red Ranger hogged most of the spotlight. RPM was NOT one of those seasons, wherein all 7 members of the team were very well-developed characters that shared the spotlight…though if any one member got more than the others, that would’ve been Dillon. Much like Carter, this guy is a bad-ass. A lot of times he prefers to work alone, often fighting enemies on his own away from the others when fights broke out. Also, as someone whose past was taken away from him and made part cybernetic by the main villain, he had the biggest score to settle, making his story a very personal one, made even more-so by the discovery that he had a sister that was missing somewhere in the world. Ultimately, he does embrace the team as his friends, but he still prefers to do things his way and is always bad-ass while doing so.

"It's Morphin' Time!"

Tommy Oliver, the Green Mighty Morphin’ Ranger, White Mighty Morphin’ Ranger, Red Zeo Ranger, Red Turbo Ranger, and Black Dino Thunder Ranger

C’mon, are you really shocked this guy’s on my list? Tommy DEFINES what it means to be a Power Ranger. He’s strong of mind, body, and spirit. He is willing to put his life on the line if necessary to protect the world from some of the worst villains known in PR continuity. He’s had to live through the trauma of being placed under a spell that made him possibly the biggest threat to the Power Rangers in their early days, and after being freed from it had to make it through a long process of trying to hold onto his powers as the forces of evil tried everything to take them away or exhaust them to depletion. But even in losing them, he kept up the fight, earning new powers and the role of leader of the team. As the longest serving Ranger in Power Rangers history, he’s led multiple teams, and served as the mentor to a newer team of Rangers while in his adulthood, eventually joining the team himself as their Black Ranger. A running joke among many is that he won’t be satisfied until he’s worn every colour known to man as a Power Ranger. But let’s be honest, at the end of the day, Tommy is no laughing matter.

"Time For Time Force!"

Jen Scotts, the Pink Time Force Ranger

The first and only Pink Ranger to lead a team, Jen is the leader of the Time Force Rangers. Smart, driven, athletic, passionate, and let’s face it, beautiful. I think she actually tops Kimberly as the best Pink Ranger of all time. For a while, she seemed like a woman possessed in her goal of capturing Ransik and bringing him back to the future, but when he genuinely felt repentant for his crimes, she forgave him. She had something of a love triangle with Wes and Alex, but ultimately concluded that she loved Wes, even though they could never be together due to coming from different time periods. Oh, and when she came back for Reinforcements From The Future, she came decked out in leather and heavy artillery. Now THAT is the sign of an awesome Ranger.

"I am Deker. Nothing more, nothing less."

Cole Eva-…Wait, that’s not right…

"Wild Access!"

Cole Evans, the Red Wild Force Ranger

Okay, I know I’m gonna get some tilted heads for this pick, but I like this guy. The Blazing Lion, Cole was chosen by the Lion Zord to be the leader of the Wild Force. Yeah, his actor could ham it up really bad in scenes, but he was also involved in some really brutal fight scenes, my favourite being his one-on-one battle with Master Org. He could speak to animals because he could connect to the heart of other living creatures, thus being able to understand the Wild Zords as well. His most notable accomplishments include helping to save the world from the Org threat and also destroying Serpentera…though the means by which he did so still piss me off, but I can’t really fault the character for that.

"It's Morphin' Time!"

Adam Park, the Black Mighty Morphin’ Ranger, Green Zeo Ranger,
and Green Turbo Ranger

Before you call favouritism towards MMPR, I would just like to note that two of them that I picked were on multiple teams. With that said, Adam started out kinda bland and generic. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, he just didn’t do much to stand out at all. I think it wasn’t until Zeo that he started to stand out, but at that point, his character grew far more. He became Tommy’s main sparring partner, as well as his second-in-command. He became more proactive too, as seen in an incident where Tommy couldn’t pilot the Red Battlezord, a Zord that utilizes a psychic link with the pilot, and asked to have it reconfigured so he could pilot it instead. He would leave the show halfway through Turbo, but managed to return twice in Power Rangers In Space and Power Ranger Operation Overdrive, both times using his original powers passed down to him by Zack, the original Black Ranger. Asd such, he is the second longest serving Ranger in history.

"SPD Emergency!"

Bridge Carson, the SPD B-Squad Green Ranger, SPD B-Squad Blue Ranger, and SPD B-Squad Red Ranger

Meet the only guy to shown on screen as three different Ranger colours for the same darned team. Bridge started off as the Green Ranger of Space Patrol Delta’s B-Squad, serving as such from the beginning of the season right up until the finale, wherein Jack Landors, the Red Ranger, retired from SPD and Sky Tate, the Blue Ranger, was promoted to Red, leaving his old position to Bridge. Sometime afterwards, Sky was promoted again, leading to Bridge becoming B-Squad’s Red Ranger by default. Some would call Bridge the most unlikely Red Ranger ever due to his quirky off-the-wall behaviour, but I think he’s pretty cool. He has the power of psychometry, though apparently he needs to wear gloves to keep such power in check or he’d read everyone’s auras uncontrollably. He also has the ability to achieve an epiphany by doing a handstand. Both are actually powers belong to two members of Dekaranger, SPD’s Japanese counterpart, but I’m trying not to talk about Sentai so let’s move on. Overall, Bridge is pretty cool. I do wanna punch him though, because now I can’t say the word “buttery” without wiggling my fingers. Thanks Bridge, really.

"White Ranger, Dino Power!"

Trent Fernandez-Mercer, the White Dino Thunder Ranger

…Okay, I said I would keep Sentai references to a minimum, but I cannot keep this one down. Trent is frigging awesome, but he is also a VERY underwhelming counterpart to Mikoto Nakadai, AbareKiller. Seriously, if you have not watched Abaranger, let me just say that it is worth watching, if for no other reason than AbareKiller.

…Okay, mini rant over. Trent is the adoptive son of the man who would turn out to be the main antagonist of the show, and would later become the White Ranger for Dino Thunder, though he was actually a major antagonist to them for a while due to possession from his dino gem. When he was freed from his possession, he joined the team, though not before having his powers cloned into an evil White Ranger. For a long time, he had to grapple with loyalties to both his team and his father’s Jekyll/Hyde condition, as well as being in a constant grapple with his clone over the White Ranger powers. However, Trent’s will eventually saw him through both. Oh yeah, and did I also mention his powers let him move at light-speed for a few seconds at a time?!

And the last of my 10 favourite Power Rangers is…

"It's Morphin' Time!"

Linkara, the White Zeo Pimp Ranger

Alright, chillax, I’m just kidding. I just couldn’t possibly resist that one. Seriously though, I WANT that hat.

"Let's Rocket!"

Andros, the Red Space Ranger

How could I possibly not include the Ranger that saved the universe from the United Alliance of Evil? When the Turbo Rangers were without power and needed someone to lead them through space against the forces threatening the entire universe, Andros was just the man they needed. He taught them all about space and their new powers, and in return, they taught him about Earth and how to be a part of a team, something he’d forgotten since his friend Zhane had been critically wounded in action. In the final battle, he found their great leader Zordon, only for Zordon to insist that Andros shatter his energy tube, thus destroying him but leaving a wave of energy that destroyed or purified every single member of the Alliance, thus saving the universe. And with the war finally over, Andros, who had learned so much about being part of a team of friends, elected to go back with them to Earth, claiming his real home was with them.

So those are my 10 Favourite Power Rangers. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane, feel free to leave your comments below, and hopefully I can remember to talk more on Power Rangers in the future. Thanks for reading, and may the power protect you all.

Jyger The Mark’s Ramblings: The Return of Y2J

Okay, so I was chatting with my friends about a topic that comes up a lot in conversations: Wrestling. And it suddenly occurred to me how strange it was that I had yet to talk about it in my blog, even though I had made it clear I would at some point. Now as many people who know me personally know, I am a huge wrestling fan. However, as with many quote/unquote ‘marks’, I am not above over analysing or complaining about wrestling. Case in point, the return of Chris Jericho. Now don’t misunderstand, I am excited about Chris Jericho coming back to World Wrestling Entertainment, but at the same time the cynic in me can’t help but pick on just how predictable it was that the wrestler returning to WWE this past Monday night was none other than Y2J himself.

For those of you living under a rock for the past month or so and are just rejoining the world, allow me to summarize: For the past few episodes of Monday Night RAW, a mysterious static effect would on occasion cover the Twitter pop-up in the corner of the screen. What’s actually happening is that a link would be displayed and hidden at the same time, but if you managed to catch it, you would see it led to one of several YouTube videos of a little boy in a classroom writing about the end of the world as we know it occurring on the second day of 2012 and how he would return to reclaim what is his.

I think pretty much everyone figured out the videos were advertising the return of a wrestler to WWE pretty quickly, and probably the most obvious candidate was Chris Jericho. Of the many hints and clues leading to such a theory, here are some of my personal favourites.

1) I saw a close up screen shot of one of the little hidden videos and saw that on the notebook the kid was writing in was the name Chris crossed out. That was a pretty obvious clue, but at the same time I also knew in the back of my mind it could have possibly been put there to throw us off.

2) The way Chris denied it like the flipping plague. If you’ve followed him on Twitter, you’ll know he said I don’t know how many times that he was never coming back, that he had better things to do, and was even suggesting other possible names as far as who was coming back. And the more he denied it, the more obvious it became.

And 3) The fact that they were using YouTube videos talking about a return on the 2nd day of January. YouTube, 2nd, January. Y2J. Yeah, it was a bit weak, but coupled with the other hints found, it made all the more sense.

So yeah, no huge surprise that it was Chris Jericho that showed up this past Monday. Now a lot of people were put off that he just kinda showed up, soaked in the VERY loud reaction for his return, and then left without a word, myself included. But the more I analysed it, the more it started to make sense. The guy is proving a point, that he can come in and do NOTHING and we will still want him to show up because he is Y2J. And even by booing him, we are still in the palm of his hand because we will still tune in to see if he does it again or if he will do something else, if he will be in the Royal Rumble, if he plans to challenge for a title, whatever. The man is an evil genius in that sense.

Anyway, I hope the people reading enjoyed my first rant as Jyger The Mark, and I hope to do so again soon. Thanks for reading, and by all means, comment and lemme know what you thought and if there are any topics you’d like me to cover next.