Well, it’s that time again, folks, and this one hits pretty close to the chest for me. So, let’s once again open up…
Hey, remember the February 20th edition of What I Bought Today when I mentioned Batwoman proposing to Maggie Sawyer?… … …Nevermind, here’s my reaction…
“So that’s it for what I bought today, but there’s one other thing I thought I’d report, and that’s what happened in Batwoman #17…
“SQUEEE, a wedding!!!… … …*ahem* Anyway, that’s all from me.“
…Yeah, I squeed! What can I say? I’m a sucker for finding out people are getting married and being happy, especially in cases like superheroes that go through who knows how much angst and sadness in their lives. This was a positive note for Batwoman, and it’s what got me to keep a closer eye on what was going on.
So, what do I see on Twitter when I got up at an admittedly absurd time today? Lewis Lovhaug getting into an angry rant on Twitter because JH Williams III and Haden Blackman are leaving Batwoman, ending with Issue 26, because DC editorial decided at the last minute that there was not gonna be a wedding…At this point, I would normally have to warn that an angry rant was coming up, but honestly, I feel more sad and confused than angry, and most of what I could rant about, Linkara already covered. Instead, let’s dig out the brainy specs and cover a few points about why this decision by DC makes no sense.
First off, I should point out that DC has recently tweeted that their decision to not do the wedding had nothing to do with Batwoman’s sexual orientation…and in doing so, it’s thoroughly clear that they miss the point entirely as to why people are pissed off about this. I’m not saying that no one is accusing them of being homophobic or whatever, only that if there is anyone doing that, they’re wrong. If DC had a problem with Batwoman being gay, she never would’ve been gay in the first place. And guess what, people? The modern Batwoman has been gay since her first appearance in June 2006. On top of that, if they were ever gonna undo that, wouldn’t they have done it in The New 52? Plus, we’ve seen women get married in DC Comics before. Hell, Secret Six actually had THREE women get into a polygamous marriage… … …Long story. lol
So no, sorry to disappoint anybody, but DC did not do this because Batwoman’s a lesbian. No, the issue is actually much WORSE than that: DC doesn’t want their superheroes married. Period. The only heroes I can think of that are married right now are Aquaman and Animal Man, and even they have their families royally screwed around with on numerous occasions. Why is that? I DON’T KNOW! I don’t think anyone knows! The closest theory I can come to is the same as why Marvel Comics broke up the marriage of Spider-man and Mary Jane: They didn’t think Spider-man could still be an effective superhero while being tied down by anyone, and they didn’t want the reality of Peter Parker married to someone infecting the escapist fiction of him swinging around a city and fighting bad guys.
And if that’s the case, I have to ask DC to do us all a favour: STOP. MIMICKING. MARVEL. Stop doing things just because Marvel did them. They may put out great stories, but they’ve also put out their fair share of horrible stories too, and One More Day was one of ’em. You keep trying this, to mimic what Marvel does in an attempt to win some kinda war with them, instead of focusing on what’s wrong with your own product and trying to fix it. This is not helping your standings, DC, it’s HURTING it. And while Batwoman being gay may not have anything to do with why you decided against the marriage, it should’ve been a HUGE part of the reason to let it go through. You’ve actually won awards from organizations like the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation for Batwoman. You would’ve benefited so much from this, especially given the fact that gay marriage is now legal in a crap-ton of countries, and a recent poll showed most of America was in favour of it too.
But hey, let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment and suggest that there was some reason beyond utter stupidity for undoing the plan to marry Batwoman and Maggie Sawyer. I dunno, maybe they’re planning to have her get together with someone else, or maybe Renee Montoya will finally come back and it’ll become a love triangle of some sort. Well, if that’s the case, then I have a question, and it’s one I actually posed to them on Twitter: If you were against the idea of the marriage to begin with, why would you clear it at all? Like, you realise this issue wouldn’t even exist if they were never engaged to begin with. You could just say they were living together. You could’ve worked something out with Williams and Blackman when it was first suggested, and say “We’re not sure we’re completely comfortable with the idea, but we really like your creativity on this book, so let’s see if maybe there’s something we can brainstorm together that we can all agree on”. This isn’t a hard thing to do.
So, now the question becomes, who is gonna be writing Batwoman starting with Issue 27? Frankly ,there’s only one person working for DC now that I can honestly see taking the reigns of this book with Williams and Blackman gone, and unless a miracle happens, she’s not getting it. And the sad thing is, no matter who it is, they’re pretty much screwed. Snyder, Johns, Rucka, Nocenti, could any of them do anything with this character that could possibly get fans interested in their run with the book? I honestly can’t think of anything. Plus, there’s the whole situation of Batwoman vs Batman and Batwoman being forced to work for the D.E.O. that I honestly feel hold the book down a bit, and I shudder to think that with Maggie gone (‘cuz let’s face it folks, that will probably be the end result, is Maggie either leaving Kate or getting killed somehow) that that’ll be the primary focus.
I honestly do not know where this series goes from here, other than what I just stated. And to be blunt, at this point, with people being as upset as they are over this, if I was running DC, I’d do ANYTHING to try and get Williams and Blackman back. Let them do the marriage. Let them do ANYTHING, if it meant putting the kibosh on the current outcry of pissed-off fans and trying to save this book. ‘Cuz if you think your readers’ input doesn’t matter, I wonder how much you think their money does.
Anyway, that’s my general take on the situation. Vote below if you think this was a good idea, leave comments, whatever. Hopefully, the next Tale of Dumbassery will be less painful than this for me. Ja né.
Well, pop open your bottle of Aspirin and ready your shot glass, ‘cuz it’s time for…
…This story is just magical. Maybe I’m just getting a really dark and sick sense of humour nowadays, but I just find this absolutely wonderful. This might just be my new favourite Tale of Dumbassery since I changed formats…
“A Hamilton woman who enlisted an 11-year-old to be her chauffeur has been charged by police. At about 8:30 p.m. Monday night, police spotted ‘a very young looking’ male driving with a much older woman in the area of Albright Road and Quigley Road. When they stopped the car, police learned that the 68-year-old woman had taught her young neighbour how to drive so that he could help her with ‘an array of errands’.” Y’know, I’ve heard of instances where a parent lets their kid back a vehicle out of their driveway when they live in small, sparsely populated areas, but nothing quite like this. And also, 100 geek points to whoever is currently having a flashback of Damian Wayne driving. lol
Also, I notice from the above information that this isn’t even the woman’s child or grandchild, it’s her neighbour’s child…which actually raises some interesting questions. Did the parents know about this? If not, would this technically count as kidnapping? Should she be charged for that in addition to her current charges, which are ‘permitting an unlicensed person to drive a motor vehicle and for having noinsurance‘.
For anyone curious or concerned, the news report goes on to say that ‘no incidents took place’, which I can assume means nobody was hurt, which I find amazing. I dunno, I just would think that an 11-year-old driving a car would likely wind up smashing some shit. That tells me that, when he gets to be old enough to legally obtain his driver’s license, he should have NO problems with the tests whatsoever. XD
Anyway, that’s all from me for today. Feel free to comment what you thought about this, though I will sum up my own thoughts on the matter for every person who needs to get errands done in a hurry. So if I could borrow a line from HuskyStarcraft, “Pro Tip Of The Day: DO NOT THIS!” Ja né!
Well, get out the biggest jar of aspirin you can find, ‘cuz it’s time once again for…
Y’know, it’s funny. In its current form, Tales of Dumbassery very much resembles one of my favourite things to watch online every Saturday: A little show called “WTFIWWY?”…That’s “What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?”. It’s a show hosted by Nash during Radio Dead Air every Monday night that is then posted on his Blip account on Saturday. Hell, I’ve actually parodied the opening to it on Tales of Dumbassery before. So it is definitely an odd scenario to find myself in now, telling a tale that relates back to Nash involving one individual who is either an asshole, or he’s fucking brain-dead!
So, what happened?…Well, allow me to let the following tweet speak for itself.
…Yeah. I can’t believe I actually need to use this again, especially here, but…
What was it, a couple of months ago? A couple of months ago, Nash’s father sadly passed away. Since then, Nash has been trying very bravely to continue his life as it was prior…and then he receives THAT…Naturally, as you can imagine, this has pissed off several people on Twitter, myself included, which is what has led to this article.
Now, I don’t know who sent it. Frankly, I don’t care who sent it. And more-so, I don’t want anyone pointing fingers at who sent it, at least until we get an official word on the subject. But whoever they are, I have the following question…Are you just the biggest prick in the entire world, or are you simply stupid? Or hey, maybe you’re both, I don’t know. It could happen. In fact, now that I think about it, it seems like the most likely possibility. Because, regardless of if you were trying to be mean or not, you can’t have put very much thought into this course of action. It’s just not possible.
…That’s all I got, folks! That’s all I can say. I have no idea what else I could possibly say to a person like that……..well, except maybe this.
For my first ever LIVE show, Poliwhirl and I decided to take a look at a story that just made me facepalm again and again until I had a giant hand-print in my forehead.
Special thanks to Wendy Thibodeau for allowing me this opportunity, as well as Anthony Rouse for recording while I was up at the front of the classroom, and to N. Harmonik for finding this horrible story and bringing it to my attention. lol
Well, for anyone who misses when I used to tell stupid stories about my own mistakes and misfortune, you get your wish today, as we look to one of my own, and very recent…
…Yeah, gimme a second here, I need to get my story straight. You’ll recall the other day I reported on a story posted by International Business Times involving a man who apparently died after having sex with a hornet’s nest and getting stung to death by said nest’s inhabitants. Naturally, I was kind of in shock that such a thing could happen, that I may have overlooked a couple of details in the story that makes the following statement by IBT seem kind of obvious…
And I quote…
“Unfortunately it turned out the story was a fake from a satirical news website in Sweden called Nyheterna Sverige, which was kindly pointed out by a number of our readers. The original story was spawned from animal rights campaigners who were worried about the well-being of hornets. However, the joke got lost in translation – as well the names of those involved. The neighbour’s name translates to erection and the fetish expert is called genital.”
So yeah, whole thing was a hoax. I probably should’ve figured that out, especially given the line about how he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen before. Now naturally, I assumed he meant the muscle AROUND the pelvic bone since, guess what, BONES DON’T SWELL. However, looking back on it, if they’d meant the muscle around the pelvic bone, they would’ve just said so. So yeah, my bad. The good news in all this, though, is that nobody’s dead, so I don’t have to feel bad about my comments.
…While we’re on the subject, though, I don’t find the joke all that funny. And no, it’s not because I fell for it, I think someone who makes fun of themselves as often as I do would be okay with that. I just feel that this wasn’t all that funny. It honestly comes off as gross-out humour used specifically for the fact that they couldn’t think of anything better. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.
But yeah, I still reported on a story that turned out to be false, and for that, I apologise. But hey, gave me something to make fun of myself with, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste. Ja né!
Well, this week, PinkRangerWannabe went out on the world-wide interweb, found a horrible story, and brought it back here for a little segment I like to call…
And yes, I actually have a reason for parodying the intro to WTFIWWY?, for if today’s story was on that show, this would be the part where Tara would say “THAT DOESN’T GO THERE!” Now, before we get into this story, I want to make it clear that I’m not generally the type to find amusement in death, regardless of person or cause. Death is tragic and should not be taken so lightly. So I don’t want anyone to think I find the fact that this person died funny. Rather, I simply want to call into question the intelligence level on this man who did this…
Today, it was announced by the International Business Times that a man in Sweden had died after being stung to death by hornets…because, according to the autopsy and evidence left behind, he was attempting to have sex with the hornet’s nest. No, I do not have photos. And no, I do not know if any exist, because I don’t want to know. Apparently the 35-year-old had been stung so badly (reportedly 146 times) that when his neighbour found him, he was so swollen that his neighbour thought he was a whale carcass. Again, not making fun. That is what was actually reported. Oh, but here’s the kicker, folks: A psychologist and expert on sex fantasies, Siv During Livh, told the news site…
And I quote…
“To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea.” NAWWWW!And here I thought maybe sticking one’s dick in a hornet’s nest would open the door to Kingdom Hearts! I don’t know what’s dumber, the fact that this person actually made that statement like most rational thinking people wouldn’t already know that, or that apparently there is a fetish for that. And I know, there’s some freaky fetishes out there, but this has to be one of the dumbest that ANYONE could have, because unless your intent is to die, it’s not gonna fucking work!
Oh, and this is REALLY good. Apparently the neighbour reported that he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen in his entire life…Um, I’m sorry, but there is no way to hear that sentence and not want to immediately ask the obvious question, “How many swollen pelvic bones have you seen in your life?”.
Believe it or not, folks, I’m trying SO hard not to make fun of this man, but it’s kinda hard when THIS was the exact conversation Pink and I had when she brought this up…
PinkRangerWannabe: Give the man a Darwin award.
Jyger85: ………………………………………………….What the heck? o.O
Anyway, I’m sorry if I crossed some lines with this story, but I honestly am just not sure what to make of this one. Hit me back with your own thoughts, and hopefully we won’t have a story quite this idiotic again in a long time. Ja né!
Once again, dear friends, I hope you have anaesthesia on hand, as we are about to dive into…
Y’know, a word that gets tossed around in comics a lot lately is ‘iconic’. Specifically, what characters qualify as iconic. And I don’t mean their aliases, I mean the people behind the masks. It seems to be used to justify a lot of decisions made with the New 52. Like, “Hal Jordan is the Green Lantern serving on the Justice League because he’s the most iconic Green Lantern”, or “Barry Allen is the only Flash because he’s the most iconic Flash”, or “Barbara Gordon was made Batgirl again for the New 52 because she’s the most iconic Batgirl”…Well, okay, I should be fair, it’s not JUST the New 52 that does this. Take Injustice for example. Barry Allen is The Flash, Hal Jordan is Green Lantern, and guess who just got confirmed to be in the game as DLC?
Based on what I can tell, iconic in this sense means they were the first to serve as these aliases in the modern DC universe, and by that, I mean what was previously known as New Earth (created through the events of Crisis on Infinite Earths) and is now Prime Earth (created through the events of Flashpoint). My guess is that this means they’re the ones most people are most familiar with as these heroes. I’m sure that a lot of people feel that logic is justified, and I can definitely see how they would think that…despite how wrong it is.
Okay, bear with me here: You guys know how my favourite Batgirl is Stephanie Brown, right? Well, while she’s my favourite, I don’t know if I’d really call her the most iconic. For me, and this is just me personally, I think the most iconic Batgirl would be the one who has made the most impact by her presence, and when I think that, I think Cassandra Cain. And why do I feel she made the most impact? Well, aside from her uniqueness as a character, how she operates as Batgirl, and also that her costume is VERY different from Steph and Babs’, she was also the first Batgirl to get her own solo series that lasted longer than a single issue. In fact, Cass’ Batgirl title lasted 75 issues. Steph’s didn’t even make it half that amount.
But there are other reasons I consider the logic of the “this character was the first to be this hero, and that makes them the most iconic” to be wrong. As I said, I think the reason for that is because they’re generally the one people are most familiar with…except that’s not always the case. Depending on what comics you read and when, you might be more familiar with John Stewart or Kyle Rayner as Green Lantern than Hal Jordan. Or say you got into comics through the cartoons. In that case, you were likely more familiar with Wally West as The Flash than Barry Allen. Or perhaps you only started reading comics with the New 52. Under that situation, you’re probably more familiar with Damian Wayne as Robin than Dick Grayson or ANYBODY else who came before him. God help you if you got into comics through the Joel Schumacher movies, though. Then you’d think Mr. Freeze was an Austrian who spewed ice one-liners, and Bane was some random thug they stuck in a luchador mask and pumped full of crap that made him a mindless brute.
There is a third reason I find that logic to be bunk, specifically as it pertains to the New 52: If the characters were chosen based on their iconic stature of being the first to assume the mantle of certain heroes, then why is Bart Allen in Teen Titans as Kid Flash? Now before anyone suggests this is an attack on Bart Allen, you can relax, I have no issues with the character whatsoever. I’m just wondering why it’s him to assume the position of Kid Flash instead of Wally West. Or heck, why is Cassie Sandsmark operating as Wonder Girl instead of Donna Troy? Again, nothing wrong with Cassie, I just find that the meaning behind these choices is very warped and confused when you consider her presence here.
Do you see where I’m going with all of this? Basically, the word iconic is used to explain certain character choices, but the meaning behind iconic is constantly changed to mean whatever the individual(s) in charge want it to mean. And honestly, if yer going to go that route anyway, why not just say “We picked who we liked”? Because I get it, you had a limited number of spots to utilize with the massive roster of characters you had available to you, you got overwhelmed, and you knew that no matter who you picked to get into these stories, you’d piss somebody off. So why not just tell the truth and say you’re sorry? I don’t get that.
Anyway, that’s my two cents on this particular matter. Feel free to add your own, and I will be back later today with my vlog from Free Comic Book Day and my latest What I Bought Today. Ja né!
Jyger's Rant 