Tales of Dumbassery – Not Having A Home May Be Illegal In Miami Soon (AKA WTFIWWY?)

Well, get that bottle of booze ready to kill off those suffering brain cells, because it’s time to open up…

No, y’know what? Screw that noise, this is Florida, and I know damned well that Nash and Tara will be talking about it on Monday (or at least I hope they will), so I’m just gonna drop all pretenses for this article. Hit it!

Earlier today, DorkynProudOfIt went out on the World Wide Interwebs, found a horrible story, and brought it all back here for a little segment that Nash likes to call…

So let’s just get to the meat of the matter, and I quote (ran out of good photos of Michael Cole), “Being poor could soon be a crime in the city of Miami. As though life weren’t already difficult enough for people who can’t afford regular housing, they could soon find themselves thrown in jail and their possessions confiscated if they’re caught engaging in certain everyday activities in public.” Oh, where do I fucking start, Florida?!

Well, I should probably note that this is actually not the first time Miami would’ve done this, as they did so for a while in the late 1990’s. They stopped in 1998 when a program was instituted where police would instead offer food and shelter. And before you even mention it, there IS a difference between that and prison, as in prison, you find yourself in close quarters with CRIMINALS! However, as this article goes on, “Despite the program’s success, one Miami City Commissioner wants to back out of the deal and resume arresting homeless people for living on the streets. Marc Sarnoff wants the city to renege on its 1998 agreement and resume arresting homeless people. Specifically, Sarnoff and his allies on the City Commission have hired a law firm to try to modify the agreement so police can arrest anyone who blocks a sidewalk, cooks a meal in a public area using a fire, litters, urinates or defecates in public, or engages in lewd conduct, rather than offering those folks a bed to sleep.”

Oh, but wait dear friends, it gets better. “Sarnoff argues that homeless people in the downtown business district are a ‘chronic problem.’ Indeed, as the Miami Herald points out, ‘Most local shelters are at capacity, meaning police can do little to punish the homeless who urinate in the street or light cooking fires in public parks.’ Instead of vying for more funding to support the hundreds of homeless people who reside in Miami, Sarnoff’s solution is to jail them for living on the streets.” So in other words, he COULD try to get additional funding, but pfft, fuck that, he’s just gonna lock ’em up with Stabby Joe and Rapist Ralph. Thanks, Mister Sarnoff!

…Y’know, when stories like this pop up, people in Florida are quick to suggest we think everybody in that state is a freak of some sort. No, I don’t think that. I think there are plenty of nice, wonderful people living in Florida. I just wonder WHY. Why do sane people continue to live there or go there for vacations when this crap goes on down there? Why can’t we just have all the sane members of society that live there move away and do THIS?

Seriously, you know we as a race have gone completely mad when Bugs fucking Bunny has the sane plan. Anyway, leave your comments below, and I shall see you the next time something insane like this happens. Ja né!

Related articles

• Miami may outlaw homelessness (deathandtaxesmag.com)
• Miami considers JAILING homeless people for sleeping or eating in public places (dailymail.co.uk)
• Miami considers JAILING homeless people for sleeping or eating in public places (sott.net)
• Miami May Just Throw Homeless People in Jail (alternet.org)
• Miami Considers Jailing Homeless People For Eating, Sleeping In Public (thinkprogress.org.feedsportal.com)

Tales of Dumbassery – “Thinking Of You” @$$HOLE (WARNING – ANGRY RANT AHEAD)

Well, get out the biggest jar of aspirin you can find, ‘cuz it’s time once again for…

Y’know, it’s funny. In its current form, Tales of Dumbassery very much resembles one of my favourite things to watch online every Saturday: A little show called “WTFIWWY?”…That’s “What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?”. It’s a show hosted by Nash during Radio Dead Air every Monday night that is then posted on his Blip account on Saturday. Hell, I’ve actually parodied the opening to it on Tales of Dumbassery before. So it is definitely an odd scenario to find myself in now, telling a tale that relates back to Nash involving one individual who is either an asshole, or he’s fucking brain-dead!

So, what happened?…Well, allow me to let the following tweet speak for itself.

…Yeah. I can’t believe I actually need to use this again, especially here, but…

What was it, a couple of months ago? A couple of months ago, Nash’s father sadly passed away. Since then, Nash has been trying very bravely to continue his life as it was prior…and then he receives THAT…Naturally, as you can imagine, this has pissed off several people on Twitter, myself included, which is what has led to this article.

Now, I don’t know who sent it. Frankly, I don’t care who sent it. And more-so, I don’t want anyone pointing fingers at who sent it, at least until we get an official word on the subject. But whoever they are, I have the following question…Are you just the biggest prick in the entire world, or are you simply stupid? Or hey, maybe you’re both, I don’t know. It could happen. In fact, now that I think about it, it seems like the most likely possibility. Because, regardless of if you were trying to be mean or not, you can’t have put very much thought into this course of action. It’s just not possible.

…That’s all I got, folks! That’s all I can say. I have no idea what else I could possibly say to a person like that……..well, except maybe this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm8zf7ItVpY

I’m Jyger85, I remember it, and don’t any of you forget it!

My Apology To JesuOtaku

…Ooookay, I need to make a HUGE apology here. Admittedly, part of me would like to hide behind the fact that I can be socially awkward at times. However, that doesn’t justify what I’ve done here, which was pretty much to shoot off at the mouth about something when I didn’t have all the facts. Anyone following my Tumblr knows exactly what happened, and if you don’t, I suggest you go read it now.

The truth is, I DO understand that relationships are tough. I’ve been in plenty, and they didn’t always end all that well. I understand that both parties are hurting right now, though for different reasons. I’m not going to take sides in this matter, and as of this posting, this is the last I will be speaking on this subject.

I should make clear, though, that I wasn’t the one who suggested that JO cheated. That’s not why I said I was disappointed in her. Where I was disappointed in her was due to my pre-conceived, and apparently mistaken, notion that she had taken a great relationship and thrown it away, made no better by what’s happened since in Nash’s personal life as of late and the mass drama that’s ensued from their break-up, which I have ironically helped to spread in my misguided attempt to vent my own feelings on the subject.

Looking back on my decision, I wonder if just needing to vent was the reason I did it. After all, I mentioned how everyone else had added their two cents on the matter, at least from what I’d seen. I wonder, honestly, did some part of me just want the attention? Did I just want my opinion out there so people could discuss it with me? Or was I hoping that with enough incentive JO would come out and tell her side of events?

Either way, when JO finally decided to speak on the matter, an argument ensued between herself, the man who shared the initial post, and one of my close friends who works at TGWTG Secrets and had originally turned down the post there but then commented on it once it was shared elsewhere. Seeing this happening, I made it clear to JO that, out of the three of us, I was the only one to make a snap-judgement of her. So, if it IS true that some part of me actually WAS looking for attention, it would appear as though I have it, much as I wish I hadn’t gained it in such a despicable manner.

So, to JO, to my friends, to anyone that was hurt by what I said, I’m sorry. To anyone still going on about this subject, I think it’s wise that we close the book on this. It’s not our business, and I should have realised that before saying what I said. I almost feel as though as I should be putting this in Tales of Dumbassery, but with those, I generally try to find humour in whatever happened, and there just isn’t anything funny about this.

Sincerely,
Jeffery Adam Phillips
‘Jyger’

Tales of Dumbassery – “To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea”

Well, this week, PinkRangerWannabe went out on the world-wide interweb, found a horrible story, and brought it back here for a little segment I like to call…

And yes, I actually have a reason for parodying the intro to WTFIWWY?, for if today’s story was on that show, this would be the part where Tara would say “THAT DOESN’T GO THERE!” Now, before we get into this story, I want to make it clear that I’m not generally the type to find amusement in death, regardless of person or cause. Death is tragic and should not be taken so lightly. So I don’t want anyone to think I find the fact that this person died funny. Rather, I simply want to call into question the intelligence level on this man who did this…

Today, it was announced by the International Business Times that a man in Sweden had died after being stung to death by hornets…because, according to the autopsy and evidence left behind, he was attempting to have sex with the hornet’s nest. No, I do not have photos. And no, I do not know if any exist, because I don’t want to know. Apparently the 35-year-old had been stung so badly (reportedly 146 times) that when his neighbour found him, he was so swollen that his neighbour thought he was a whale carcass. Again, not making fun. That is what was actually reported. Oh, but here’s the kicker, folks: A psychologist and expert on sex fantasies, Siv During Livh, told the news site…

And I quote…

“To Attempt To Have Intercourse With A Hornet’s Nest Is A Very Bad Idea.” NAWWWW! And here I thought maybe sticking one’s dick in a hornet’s nest would open the door to Kingdom Hearts! I don’t know what’s dumber, the fact that this person actually made that statement like most rational thinking people wouldn’t already know that, or that apparently there is a fetish for that. And I know, there’s some freaky fetishes out there, but this has to be one of the dumbest that ANYONE could have, because unless your intent is to die, it’s not gonna fucking work!

Oh, and this is REALLY good. Apparently the neighbour reported that he’d never seen a pelvic bone so swollen in his entire life…Um, I’m sorry, but there is no way to hear that sentence and not want to immediately ask the obvious question, “How many swollen pelvic bones have you seen in your life?”.

Believe it or not, folks, I’m trying SO hard not to make fun of this man, but it’s kinda hard when THIS was the exact conversation Pink and I had when she brought this up…

PinkRangerWannabe: Give the man a Darwin award.
Jyger85: ………………………………………………….What the heck? o.O

Anyway, I’m sorry if I crossed some lines with this story, but I honestly am just not sure what to make of this one. Hit me back with your own thoughts, and hopefully we won’t have a story quite this idiotic again in a long time. Ja né!