How To Drop The Ball In Comics: All-Star Batman And Robin (It’s Miller Time)

Sometimes, comic book companies will try different ways of getting new readers who might be interested in their characters and stories, but are a little intimidated by years, even decades, of continuity to go through. One method that seemed to work pretty well for Marvel was the Ultimate Universe, which was basically taking those same characters, distilling them down to their core traits, and retelling their origins in a modern setting. DC attempted something similar with the All-Star comics, and the greatest of them was All-Star Superman, a story that, while possessing elements that one could criticize, nonetheless presented the main protagonist and his greatest elements in a story where the reader didn’t need to know everything that ever happened in his history. This…is not that comic.

Welcome to the newest installment of How To Drop The Ball In Comics. Say… … … It’s Miller Time. ^_^

With the final issue of All-Star Batman And Robin reviewed on Atop The Fourth Wall, and the adventures of Crazy Steve and Dick Grayson (Age 12) forever put away, I figured now’s a good time to discuss my own thoughts on the comic and exactly what went wrong. So…yeah, this is really just me giving my own thoughts on ASBAR, after having watched reviews of every issue on AT4W, on my blog as opposed to filling up poor Linkara’s comment section with my ramblings. lol But, for the sake of those who have never heard of this book, let’s do a quick recap of the concept.

What Is It?: As I alluded to earlier, DC was trying to cash in on the same success that Marvel was having with the Ultimate Universe. As such, they laid out a plan wherein they would do something similar with the characters of Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Batgirl (the latter two series being cancelled when the All-Star line ultimately went belly up). For reasons that are best illustrated within the pages of All-Star Batman And Robin, though, I’m not sure that the intent was for these books to all exist in the same universe, but to each be their own unique take on the characters in question without being bogged down by three-fourths of a century’s worth of continuity. And while the All-Star line did eventually become cancelled, we now have a similar line-up of books entitled Earth One, although these ones are graphic novels only. And while I haven’t read them, I will admit that at least Superman Earth One addresses certain issues I’ve had with Superman’s back story (namely how the Kryptonians were seemingly so advanced and yet still died with their planet), and is clearly popular enough that it warranted not one but THREE graphic novels.

How Did It Have Potential?: Well, like I said before, there DO exist people who would like to read comics, but because their stories have gone on for so long, there’s so much information to go through. Granted, most of us on the internet can look this stuff up, which makes the necessity of stories that have all past continuity stripped away a little pointless if that’s the point behind doing it, but not everyone has that time. And while some of us might scoff at the idea that retelling the same origin story with a few tweaks will result in a well-selling story that people will buy, let me again remind you of the success of Ultimate Spider-Man, a story that set off a chain of events leading directly into stories that are STILL being told to this day, nearly 16 years later. However, the thing is, that’s because the overall quality of the books and the storytelling in them was so good that the success far exceeded anyone’s expectations…which of course leads to…

How Did It Drop The Ball?: Well, for one thing, because Jim Lee’s schedule is kinda funtastic, the book was outright PLAGUED with delays. In four years, they only managed to release TEN ISSUES. However, whereas that would usually be enough to kill a book, that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what went wrong. The rest? Two words: FRANK MILLER. Yes, Frank Miller has written some great works for Batman that, while having points one could take issue with and point out as being problematic, were at least well-crafted takes on the character. However, that was a while ago, and since then, Frankie’s pretty much become one of the most sexist, bigoted, racist, appalling, homophobic, classless, and downright moronic HACKS to continue to get work within the comic industry to this day. The same man who once had Batman rescue a cat in the middle of a firefight was now using words like “retarded”, taking glee and beating up thugs and damned near (if not outright) killing people, was cruel to the people who cared for him, and was pretty much Batman in name only. Or, as the memes refer to him, “The Goddamn Batman”. We who watch AT4W prefer to refer to him as “Crazy Steve”, crazed hobo/escaped mental patient/potential pedophile with homicidal delusions who found Batman’s costume and a winning lottery ticket, and decided to become the Dark Knight. But, as horrible as that is for anyone who considered Batman their childhood hero, that’s not all that went wrong. The pacing is awful, the dialogue repetitive and stupid to the point of hilarity, every single female character is written to be either over-sexualized or inspired by Batman to the point of near-cultism, and the Justice League are included and written as being completely ineffectual so that Crazy Steve is the only seemingly competent superhero among them, even though he pretty much, in every way, violates what it means to be a hero, or more specifically, what it means to be Batman.

See, here’s the thing that Frank Miller has clearly forgotten about Batman, and I know I’m getting on a soap box for the sake of a fictional character, but just hear me out. Yes, the phrase “I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!” can make him sound harsh, dark, and cruel, but the real Batman knows how to temper those things with the ideals of justice and compassion. Yes, he is the man who engages in brutal, bloody fights with thugs, recruits teenage sidekicks over and over even after one of them got killed, and keeps hidden contingency plans for shutting down the other members of the Justice League, his friends and allies, if need be. However, he is also the man who is always there for his city and his friends when they need him most. He is a man who fights day in and day out, pushing himself past his natural limits, not for the sake of inflicting pain, but for the sake of a world where no other 8-year-old child will ever lose his parents because of a punk with a gun. And, and this is the big one for me personally, he is a man who once sat on a swing next to a little girl who was dying, and held her hand until her time came. Above all else, for his faults, Batman is not just a crusader, or a detective, or a ninja, but ultimately, he is a hero. Crazy Steve is not.

So, what would I have done differently? Well, the heart of this story was very clearly supposed to be about how, in a city that was so cruel and corrupt that it took a young boy’s parents and didn’t care, there was one man who was there for him. One man who, while tortured, was compassionate for that boy, saw himself and his own trauma in him, and offered him a chance to join in his crusade, while also letting the boy’s youth and optimism keep him grounded. If you are seeking to distill Batman and Robin to their most basic formula, THAT is the story of the Dynamic Duo to me, and what should’ve been the heart of the story. And there ARE times when it delves into that. See, while issue 9 is overall abysmal, with Batman and Robin painting themselves and a room yellow and making Green Lantern out to look like a complete tool (and even I don’t think Hal Jordan is THAT big a moron), the ending of that issue, where Batman recognizes he never gave Robin a chance to grieve over his parents’ death and takes him to see their graves, was perfect. Even the last few lines of the book, which usually is badly written in nearly every way, perfectly captures the moment: “We mourn lives lost. Including our own”. If we had more of that from the very beginning, and the book focused on Batman and Robin without adding the Justice League, Batgirl, Black Canary, and a bunch of other mischaracterized characters, it’d be a much better story. Hell, I wouldn’t even mind the change of making the Joker the man behind the Grayson killing if it kept to the themes and character motivations of everyone involved. Towards the end, you could see how it was at least building towards SOMETHING, that there was a point they were trying to reach. The problem was, by that point, nobody was left to care, and the reason is that, if that WAS the heart of the story, then clearly, Frank Miller forgot that. He forgot WHY Batman is, as he once put it, “as good and pure a superhero as you can find”.

But, I have to be completely fair on this. If I’m gonna judge Frank Miller for what went wrong, I have to be equally judgmental of Jim Lee. While his artwork in this book is gorgeous at times, except when he has to depict stuff like Vicki Vale seemingly literally talking out of her ass, his schedule ultimately hurt the book as well. He seemed to get back on schedule after a while, but much of that came from making splash pages and two page spreads that, while a visual marvel, could’ve been used for advancing the story, or what story there was. And I suppose I should also point out that Bob Schreck, the editor for the All-Star line, was seemingly all too happy to let most of the content of the books through, with the only exceptions being stuff like swearing…which is hilarious, when you consider what happened with issue 10. lol

Bottom line, for various reasons, this series is pretty much the epitome of what it means to drop the ball in the realm of comic books. Or, if I may borrow a phrase (and why not at this point), as we say in my favourite corner of the internet, “This comic sucks!” If you’ve got your own opinion on the book, feel free to leave it below. Or, if you wanna know more about the book and what went wrong with it, as I’ve said numerous times, Linkara has now officially reviewed all ten issues, so feel free to go to his website and check ’em out, plus his reviews of similar Frank Miller titles like The Dark Knight Strikes Again and Holy Terror. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – Hey, Man of Steel! It’s Miller Time!

…Well, this isn’t gonna be pretty, folks. Because not only is this Tales of Dumbassery, but………It’s Miller Time.

PUT THE ALCOHOL DOWN, that’s not what I mean. For those that don’t know, Miller Time is a segment on Atop The Fourth Wall, wherein Linkara looks at the ever-increasing insanity of Frank Miller, who has pretty much become a hack in every single meaning of the word these days. So why am I talking about him today? Well, Superman fans should get ready for this story to break their hearts…

Snyder and Miller to Talk About “Man of Steel” Sequel

“When Zack Snyder announced at Comic-Con that Batman would be included in the sequel to ‘Man of Steel’, he had many Superman fans worried when he had actor Harry Lennix read a quote from Frank Miller’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns‘ graphic novel. While Snyder did say they weren’t adapting Miller’s story, the Independant received word that Zack Snyder is planning to meet up with Frank Miller to discuss the new movie.” And real quick, before anyone attempts to blame Snyder for this, because that was my own knee-jerk reaction, “A Superman Homepage source managed to speak to Zack Snyder yesterday, and put to him the concerns of some Superman fans, with Snyder remarking, ‘It’s too early for me to discuss the film. However, regardless of how I feel about Superman, ultimately I have to go along with the direction that Warner Bros. thinks is best’.”

…Yep. THIS is basically what you can expect, people. Batman vs Superman, for no real reason other than to get them into a fight.

…Y’know, I had so many high hopes for this franchise. Even after Man of Steel was being described as edgy, I kept hope that they knew what they were doing. We were gonna have a couple of awesome Superman movies, maybe one or two for heroes like Batman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman, and then a Justice League of America movie to tie it all together and get these heroes together in a story that would rival the success of The Avengers’ film. And heck, despite some flaws with Man of Steel, I can say that overall, I really enjoyed it…And now, THIS has happened.

Now, lemme clarify something right now: Way back before Frank Miller apparently got infected by a brain parasite that killed all good sense in his mind, he could tell an amazing Batman story. He did so with Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, and he did it again with Batman: Year One. But, even back then, and this is crucial people, while DKR gave massive new life to Batman, it did equal amounts of damage to Superman. And THIS is the guy you wanna get input from for the Man of Steel sequel?! REALLY?!

This is and has always been Superman in the eyes of Frank Miller: A strong-man puppet of the government.

Then again, maybe I’m the wrong person to judge this decision, since I don’t even get why this is a VS movie to begin with. Shouldn’t the next logical step have been a Man of Steel movie involving Lex Luthor or Brainiac or Metallo? Why involve Batman at all? Look, I get that he’s been DC’s meal ticket for a LONG time now, but the Man of Steel series was supposed to be about Superman. Do you really have that little faith in the world’s first superhero that you had to bring Batman into it? And heck, if they REALLY felt the need to involve Batman, as this was likely their knee-jerk reaction to mixed reviews of Man of Steel, why have them be adversaries? Why not do something like the Superman The Animated Series‘s three-parter, World’s Finest, where they would start off unsure of each other, but quickly wind up teaming up to battle a super-villain duo? And between the two of them, I think they could find two of their rogues to form a pretty lethal team that they’d NEED to take on together.

But you wanna know what I’ve always found funny about the fight between Superman and Batman in DKR? Even though it’s specifically set up in such a way that Batman can emerge victorious over Superman, it pretty much spells out why Superman would beat Batman at least 9 times out of 10. Think about it: Batman had a ton of prep time to Superman’s zero, Batman used gadgets and trickery while Superman just used pure power instead of playing it smart, Batman had back-up in the form of Carrie Kelley and Green Arrow, Superman only lost because he inhaled Kryptonite from one of Ollie’s arrows, and to be perfectly blunt, Clark didn’t even want the fight in the first place. That’s why I generally give it a pass when most won’t. The problem is that, again, Frank wrote that when he was still sane, rational, and had a basic understanding of how certain characters worked. He doesn’t even understand how Batman works now, what makes you think he can help at all with Superman?

…Btw, if they’re REALLY gonna do this, I DO kinda hope Carrie Kelley is in the movie. lol

Anyway, I think I’ve gone on about this enough. Leave your comments below, or vote as to whether you think getting Frank Miller’s input is a good call or not. Ja né!

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