How To Drop The Ball In Comics: All-Star Batman And Robin (It’s Miller Time)

Sometimes, comic book companies will try different ways of getting new readers who might be interested in their characters and stories, but are a little intimidated by years, even decades, of continuity to go through. One method that seemed to work pretty well for Marvel was the Ultimate Universe, which was basically taking those same characters, distilling them down to their core traits, and retelling their origins in a modern setting. DC attempted something similar with the All-Star comics, and the greatest of them was All-Star Superman, a story that, while possessing elements that one could criticize, nonetheless presented the main protagonist and his greatest elements in a story where the reader didn’t need to know everything that ever happened in his history. This…is not that comic.

Welcome to the newest installment of How To Drop The Ball In Comics. Say… … … It’s Miller Time. ^_^

With the final issue of All-Star Batman And Robin reviewed on Atop The Fourth Wall, and the adventures of Crazy Steve and Dick Grayson (Age 12) forever put away, I figured now’s a good time to discuss my own thoughts on the comic and exactly what went wrong. So…yeah, this is really just me giving my own thoughts on ASBAR, after having watched reviews of every issue on AT4W, on my blog as opposed to filling up poor Linkara’s comment section with my ramblings. lol But, for the sake of those who have never heard of this book, let’s do a quick recap of the concept.

What Is It?: As I alluded to earlier, DC was trying to cash in on the same success that Marvel was having with the Ultimate Universe. As such, they laid out a plan wherein they would do something similar with the characters of Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Batgirl (the latter two series being cancelled when the All-Star line ultimately went belly up). For reasons that are best illustrated within the pages of All-Star Batman And Robin, though, I’m not sure that the intent was for these books to all exist in the same universe, but to each be their own unique take on the characters in question without being bogged down by three-fourths of a century’s worth of continuity. And while the All-Star line did eventually become cancelled, we now have a similar line-up of books entitled Earth One, although these ones are graphic novels only. And while I haven’t read them, I will admit that at least Superman Earth One addresses certain issues I’ve had with Superman’s back story (namely how the Kryptonians were seemingly so advanced and yet still died with their planet), and is clearly popular enough that it warranted not one but THREE graphic novels.

How Did It Have Potential?: Well, like I said before, there DO exist people who would like to read comics, but because their stories have gone on for so long, there’s so much information to go through. Granted, most of us on the internet can look this stuff up, which makes the necessity of stories that have all past continuity stripped away a little pointless if that’s the point behind doing it, but not everyone has that time. And while some of us might scoff at the idea that retelling the same origin story with a few tweaks will result in a well-selling story that people will buy, let me again remind you of the success of Ultimate Spider-Man, a story that set off a chain of events leading directly into stories that are STILL being told to this day, nearly 16 years later. However, the thing is, that’s because the overall quality of the books and the storytelling in them was so good that the success far exceeded anyone’s expectations…which of course leads to…

How Did It Drop The Ball?: Well, for one thing, because Jim Lee’s schedule is kinda funtastic, the book was outright PLAGUED with delays. In four years, they only managed to release TEN ISSUES. However, whereas that would usually be enough to kill a book, that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what went wrong. The rest? Two words: FRANK MILLER. Yes, Frank Miller has written some great works for Batman that, while having points one could take issue with and point out as being problematic, were at least well-crafted takes on the character. However, that was a while ago, and since then, Frankie’s pretty much become one of the most sexist, bigoted, racist, appalling, homophobic, classless, and downright moronic HACKS to continue to get work within the comic industry to this day. The same man who once had Batman rescue a cat in the middle of a firefight was now using words like “retarded”, taking glee and beating up thugs and damned near (if not outright) killing people, was cruel to the people who cared for him, and was pretty much Batman in name only. Or, as the memes refer to him, “The Goddamn Batman”. We who watch AT4W prefer to refer to him as “Crazy Steve”, crazed hobo/escaped mental patient/potential pedophile with homicidal delusions who found Batman’s costume and a winning lottery ticket, and decided to become the Dark Knight. But, as horrible as that is for anyone who considered Batman their childhood hero, that’s not all that went wrong. The pacing is awful, the dialogue repetitive and stupid to the point of hilarity, every single female character is written to be either over-sexualized or inspired by Batman to the point of near-cultism, and the Justice League are included and written as being completely ineffectual so that Crazy Steve is the only seemingly competent superhero among them, even though he pretty much, in every way, violates what it means to be a hero, or more specifically, what it means to be Batman.

See, here’s the thing that Frank Miller has clearly forgotten about Batman, and I know I’m getting on a soap box for the sake of a fictional character, but just hear me out. Yes, the phrase “I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!” can make him sound harsh, dark, and cruel, but the real Batman knows how to temper those things with the ideals of justice and compassion. Yes, he is the man who engages in brutal, bloody fights with thugs, recruits teenage sidekicks over and over even after one of them got killed, and keeps hidden contingency plans for shutting down the other members of the Justice League, his friends and allies, if need be. However, he is also the man who is always there for his city and his friends when they need him most. He is a man who fights day in and day out, pushing himself past his natural limits, not for the sake of inflicting pain, but for the sake of a world where no other 8-year-old child will ever lose his parents because of a punk with a gun. And, and this is the big one for me personally, he is a man who once sat on a swing next to a little girl who was dying, and held her hand until her time came. Above all else, for his faults, Batman is not just a crusader, or a detective, or a ninja, but ultimately, he is a hero. Crazy Steve is not.

So, what would I have done differently? Well, the heart of this story was very clearly supposed to be about how, in a city that was so cruel and corrupt that it took a young boy’s parents and didn’t care, there was one man who was there for him. One man who, while tortured, was compassionate for that boy, saw himself and his own trauma in him, and offered him a chance to join in his crusade, while also letting the boy’s youth and optimism keep him grounded. If you are seeking to distill Batman and Robin to their most basic formula, THAT is the story of the Dynamic Duo to me, and what should’ve been the heart of the story. And there ARE times when it delves into that. See, while issue 9 is overall abysmal, with Batman and Robin painting themselves and a room yellow and making Green Lantern out to look like a complete tool (and even I don’t think Hal Jordan is THAT big a moron), the ending of that issue, where Batman recognizes he never gave Robin a chance to grieve over his parents’ death and takes him to see their graves, was perfect. Even the last few lines of the book, which usually is badly written in nearly every way, perfectly captures the moment: “We mourn lives lost. Including our own”. If we had more of that from the very beginning, and the book focused on Batman and Robin without adding the Justice League, Batgirl, Black Canary, and a bunch of other mischaracterized characters, it’d be a much better story. Hell, I wouldn’t even mind the change of making the Joker the man behind the Grayson killing if it kept to the themes and character motivations of everyone involved. Towards the end, you could see how it was at least building towards SOMETHING, that there was a point they were trying to reach. The problem was, by that point, nobody was left to care, and the reason is that, if that WAS the heart of the story, then clearly, Frank Miller forgot that. He forgot WHY Batman is, as he once put it, “as good and pure a superhero as you can find”.

But, I have to be completely fair on this. If I’m gonna judge Frank Miller for what went wrong, I have to be equally judgmental of Jim Lee. While his artwork in this book is gorgeous at times, except when he has to depict stuff like Vicki Vale seemingly literally talking out of her ass, his schedule ultimately hurt the book as well. He seemed to get back on schedule after a while, but much of that came from making splash pages and two page spreads that, while a visual marvel, could’ve been used for advancing the story, or what story there was. And I suppose I should also point out that Bob Schreck, the editor for the All-Star line, was seemingly all too happy to let most of the content of the books through, with the only exceptions being stuff like swearing…which is hilarious, when you consider what happened with issue 10. lol

Bottom line, for various reasons, this series is pretty much the epitome of what it means to drop the ball in the realm of comic books. Or, if I may borrow a phrase (and why not at this point), as we say in my favourite corner of the internet, “This comic sucks!” If you’ve got your own opinion on the book, feel free to leave it below. Or, if you wanna know more about the book and what went wrong with it, as I’ve said numerous times, Linkara has now officially reviewed all ten issues, so feel free to go to his website and check ’em out, plus his reviews of similar Frank Miller titles like The Dark Knight Strikes Again and Holy Terror. Ja né!

Just Imagine YOU Creating The DC Universe (Comments Requested)

So, this month on Atop The Fourth Wall, Linkara is reviewing issues of Just Imagine Stan Lee, wherein the man himself, Stan Lee, gave his own takes on legendary figures in the DC Universe. Specifically, Linkara will be checking out Lee’s takes on Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and The Flash. Now, he’s already looked at Superman and Batman, and thus far, we’ve got a miss and a hit respectively. Still, even the miss had good ideas, albeit not executed that well, and while Superman came off as a jerk…well, a lot of Stan Lee characters come off as jerks initially, but then develop into better people (or don’t, in the case of Reed Richards and a few members of the X-Men).

Anyway, the point is, looking these over, it’s actually interesting to think of what these characters would be like if they were first put to paper by different people. Sure, we’ve all done alternate universe takes of characters (I’ve done several, actually), but they ultimately wind up bearing resemblance to their mainstream counterparts. What Stan did, though, as far as I can tell, was take the bare bones concepts of the characters (Superman being an immigrant from outer space, Batman being a crime fighter in a batsuit, etc.) from when they were first conceived and went his own way with them. Although, while I say that this isn’t meant to just be another Elseworlds version of them, the map shown in Grant Morrison’s The Multiversity reveals that the characters of Just Imagine are the heroes of Earth 6 of the current Multiverse, but it’s still a radically different take on the characters. So, with that in mind, I wanna ask everyone reading this to just imagine if YOU created the DC Universe. What if YOU were given these simple descriptions of heroes and the ideas behind them, and how would you develop them? No preconceived notions of the characters beyond those concepts, no previously used continuity, just those short descriptions, and maybe some concept art to go by and their civilian names (optional). For now, let’s go with probably the five most iconic of all DC heroes, who started in the Golden Age and are still going strong today: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, and Green Lantern.

Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Superman, and Batman

• Superman: An immigrant from outer space with powers beyond human beings now having to live among humans.
• Batman: A wealthy man who is secretly a crime fighter wearing a dark, bat-like costume to scare criminals.
• Wonder Woman: A princess and emissary of a race of warrior women who wears bullet proof bracers.
• The Flash: A person (not necessarily a man, since many Flashes have been female) imbued with the power of superspeed.
• Green Lantern: A person (again, not necessarily a man) with a ring powered by a lantern that can conjure green constructs of anything the wearer can imagine.

And that’s all there is to it. Lemme know what you’d do with any of these heroes based on those basic concepts, or if there are any others you’d like to see added to this list. Ja né!

How Would I Do A Homebrewed Pokémon Game? (Or Just A New Pokémon Game In General) + What Am I Gonna Do For Blog Post #500?

So, I’ve been watching along with so many others as Linkara plays the homebrewed Pokémon game, Pokémon Omicron. It was made on an RPG Maker (and speaking as someone who used to have one, I can tell you that’s damned impressive), and while it’s still technically incomplete, it apparently has about 80 hours of playtime to it, and only requires some post main game content to be finished. As such, I decided to pick it up myself, and have been rather enjoying the game. It has the occasional visual bug, and the story suffers from some emotional whiplash at times since it tries to be like other Pokémon games while injecting darker content, but it’s good nonetheless. And, while I personally chose not to use this, the game also comes complete with special options for Nuzlocke Challenges. So, if you ever wanna pick it or its other version, Pokémon Zeta, up and play, by all means, click the image below and check it out.

As a result, I started thinking: How would I do a homebrewed Pokémon game? Now, keep in mind this is all hypothetical, I could NEVER do this game by myself. That said, if you like some of the ideas I post, feel free to use ’em, though try to at least give credit where it’s due, eh? lol Anyway, let’s start with…well, the start.

#1 – Different Starters

 

While I like the idea the creators of Zeta and Omicron had, having three different Pokémon from the norm be available as starters and changing the methods and levels required for evolution, I gotta say, I don’t see the point then to have them be the standard Grass/Fire/Water choices. Personally, I would go with one of two things: Either have the player choose between Magby or Elekid (and by the way, Magby already IS the Fire-type Starter in Zeta & Omicron), or have them start off with Eevee, and incorporate the shards from Pokémon XD (with a few others to account for the newer evolutions) to allow the player to have whatever type they want as their starter, and your rival just gets something strong against it as one of their strongest Pokémon.

#2 – The Rival

First off, I’d have the rival’s gender as something the player can choose. Second, I’d go back to basics and have the rival be your final opponent at the Pokémon League. And that’s not me saying I dislike what Zeta & Omicron went with, by having the player’s mom be the champion, since I LOVE it when the mom does awesome stuff. This is just what I personally would do. And finally, I’d have them be encounterable at least once per town. Maybe not in a battle, but that you at least bump into them in every town, and there’s always this feeling like they’re one step ahead of you.

#3 – The Gyms

I dunno if many people do this anyway, I know I do, but I’d make all Gym Leader Battles so that you HAVE to use a set number of Pokémon, namely the same number as the Gym Leader. It just makes things more challenging for the player, and let’s face it, a bit more fair. The Elite Four is fine, though, since part of the point is being able to survive all four without being able to go back to a Pokémon Centre. Also, I’d make a fugging DARK-TYPE GYM. I cannot stress this enough, people. In fact, I’d make it the first Gym, since only one of the Eeveelutions has a specific type advantage to Dark. Likewise, I think I’d make the last Gym Rock-type, and have the Gym Leader use fossil Pokémon.

#4 – NO FREEBIES

One thing that has driven me crazy as of late about the newer games is just how easy they are because of stuff that’s given away without having to be earned. I’m sorry, but back in the day, wasn’t like that. As such, while I’d be fine with including items like the Lucky Egg and Exp. Share, I’d make them items you need to earn, either via catching a certain number of Pokémon, gaining a certain number of badges, or just accomplishing side-missions.

#5 – The Evil Organization

As for the evil team, we’ve had the thieves, the eco-terrorists, the psychos out to destroy the world, a group of PETA wannabes, and a group wanting to forcefully remake the world. I think I’d want a team that’s focused on trying to make Pokémon feral, believing that humans tame them from being the wild creatures that they believe they’re meant to be. Rather than specialize in types, though, like many teams in the past (there HAS been an overuse of Normal, Dark, and Poison by evil teams), they’d focus primarily on Pokémon from the Monster and Dragon Egg Groups.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of at the moment. Thanks for checking this out, feel free to leave a comment, and let’s see what new kinds of homebrews are made in the future. Ja n-……………..Say, it seems this was the 499th blog entry, meaning the next one makes 500. Wow, time sure flies. So what can I possibly do for such a huge milestone in my blog’s history…?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…………….Okay, what the hell. Let’s review Bible Black.

I knew you’d eventually see things my way…

History of Power Rangers Jungle Fury – Unofficial Companion Piece

Merry Christmas, one and all!…Okay, I don’t normally do this. I feel as though doing companion pieces to reviews is kinda stepping on the toes of the reviewer. However, something odd happened after watching today’s History of Power Rangers. For those uninitiated, History of Power Rangers is a show done by Atop The Fourth Wall host, Linkara, that talks about…well, the history of Power Rangers, season by season. It’s generally a broad overview of each season, keeping only the important details in. And, in that sense, today’s HOPR, which focused on Jungle Fury, did exactly that, and I really enjoyed it…With that said, for some weird reason, a lot of details to the show that I felt were overlooked kept popping up in my head. It was made worse when, after I was done watching, I brought up Netflix and decided to watch some episodes, and these details seemingly increased in number. Now, admittedly, a lot of this could be seen as pointless trivia, but I really like it. So, I thought I’d get it all out by compiling a list of details that either weren’t covered for whatever reason, or just helped explain them when they were. Obviously, though, you’ll wanna watch HOPR FIRST before reading this, in case you haven’t done so already. And I figure we might as well start off with the first thing we saw in the review…

#1 – The Strike Rider

While the Strike Rider IS shown in the beginning of the video, primarily so Lewis could make a snarky comment, there was one thing about it that I wish he’d talked about. See, up until now, every season since In Space had a Battlizer, an American-made powered-up form for the Red Ranger, usually in the form of some advanced armour. However, Jungle Fury doesn’t really have a traditional Battlizer. Instead, the Strike Rider, and the armour that comes with it, are often considered by many to be the Jungle Fury Battlizer. Now, not everybody is in agreement over that point, and anyone reading this is free to make their own call, but personally…yeah, in my opinion, it kinda is. It gives Casey an advanced form, it’s unique to him, and he’s even seen using it at times after the team gains access to Jungle Master Mode. It’s not really anything vital to go over, but I thought it still could’ve been brought up.

#2 – The Wolf Ranger Costume

Okay, I’m not gonna debate costume fashion sense here, but I think there’s a theme present in RJ’s morphed form that I think Linkara may have overlooked: He’s supposed to look like a Muay Thai kick-boxer. Even the Wolf Morpher itself has a little ring bell switch to it. Why? Because in his morphed fights, he’s constantly employing that style of martial art. Granted, I would’ve preferred if he used that style a bit more unmorphed, so it was more clear when the time came that the suit was made with that combat style in mind (having kick-pads and whatnot), so I suppose I can see where Lewis didn’t recognize that.

#3 – The Shark Sabers

Alright, admittedly, this is probably one of the lesser points to bring up, but I just find it kinda neat. If you watch the show (and if you don’t, I don’t know why you’re reading this), you probably noticed that the Shark Sabers look kinda…flimsy. In that, they’re VERY flimsy, resembling HORRIBLE props. However, and I admittedly only know this because I watched Gekiranger, where this point was actually specifically covered, that’s actually part of the design. Think of the blades like if the edges of rubber were sharp. They can bend and flop around, but they’ll still cut. This way, while swinging them around, anything that gets close to them is getting sliced, and they’re also harder to get around, making them every bit as good as defensive weapons as they are offensive. Again, kinda pointless trivia that only the most geeky of people would care about, but…well, what can I say? I excel at being a geek. lol

#4 – The Wolf Zord

Getting back to RJ for a sec, I thought I should bring up how his Wolf Zord works with the others. Basically, it replaces the Cheetah Zord as a new right leg for the Jungle Pride Megazord, and uses its bladed tail to improve kicking power. Again, RJ mostly uses kick-boxing in the field. However, the Wolf can’t combine with the Zords that form the Jungle Master Megazord (or, if it can, it was never shown to be able to in either Jungle Fury OR Gekiranger). Instead, when the others are piloting the Jungle Master Megazord, RJ can project copies of the Tiger and Jaguar Zords to form the Wolf Pride Megazord, which functions exactly like the Jungle Pride Megazord with Wolf Power, only usually piloted by RJ on his own. Although, one cool thing about having the two Megazords usually working together that they never fully took advantage of was the fact that the Elephant, Bat, or Shark Zords could each combine with one of the two, so they could power up even further, although that could require them splitting up between the Megazords, so not sure if that would work or not. Whatever, still cool to think about…at least more-so than the last thing I need to talk about…

#5 – The Pai Zhua Masters’ Spirit Forms

Okay, this one is actually more about confirming a suspicion Lewis had. Yeah, the spirit forms of the Pai Zhua Masters were from Gekiranger. In fact, it’s what their Sentai counterparts each looked like. I’d say that it makes more sense in the Sentai, and it does, but rather, I’ll instead just say that, after a while of watching, you kinda got used to them. HERE, however, I have NO idea why they used them. It’s not even a thing where they were used so that certain shots from the Sentai could be adapted either, since their appearance in Jungle Fury was ALL original footage. So…Yeah, I don’t know. lol

Anyway, that’s all I really wanna talk about. I hope that Lewis Lovhaug understands that I don’t necessarily want to step in on his show. It’s just…I dunno, I guess Jungle Fury, and Gekiranger for that matter, left a pretty big impact on me. As such, I’m gonna NEED to reel this in, because as anyone who knows me personally can tell you, I LOVE Power Rangers RPM and Engine Sentai Go-onger, which are next. Hopefully, I’ll keep a better thumb over my need to exposit more needless details and trivia. In the meantime, though, here’s one Ranger fanatic who can’t wait til March. Ja né, and Merry Christmas. 🙂

THE GLITCH LIVES – The Original Pokémon Glitch Is Back, WITH A VENGEANCE

Beneath the seas, beside the flames
Off the coast, where the lost beast came
To bring the world misery and shame
A piece of the world is Missing.

The path you should have never crossed,
The Beast exacts a heavy cost,
The number of the Beast is lost,
You will know it by its hissing.

The bones from hell you cannot tame,
Devour your life and all your fame,
That is the price to play its game,
And all while you’re reminiscing.

The poem you have just read was created for the popular web series and comic book review show (that I could not shut up about to save my life), Atop The Fourth Wall. In the series, the main character, Linkara, learns of an Outer God called The Entity that has infected the world, even making people disappear as they are absorbed into its being. What he later discovers is that The Entity is actually MissingNo., a glitch in the original Pokémon games, that became an Outer God in an alternate universe. In reality, MissingNo., or Missing Number, is just a glitch in the old games that was rumoured to be something of a game-breaker if encountered and captured. There’s conflicting information on just what it can and can’t do, and just how it works, but I suggest you look it up on Bulbapedia. It explains a lot better than I can.

Well, recently, there was a bug discovered in the Pokémon X & Y games, located in Lumiose City, also believed to be a game-breaker. It was apparently dealt with…However, recent images have revealed THIS!

MissingNo. in Lumiose City

…So yeah, MissingNo. is back, apparently with a vengeance…I can’t wait for Lewis Lovhaug to hear about this on Twitter. I know I’ve already tweeted him, but I’d be willing to bet he’s gotten at least a couple dozen others. Knowing my luck, he’ll integrate it into the story on his show to bring The Entity back…and I still haven’t gotten the horrifying scream The Entity let loose when it died the first time outta my head!

…Anyway, discuss, feel free to share your own MissingNo. stories. For now, I’m just gonna go hide under blankets with a Poké Ball in one hand and a Lightsaber in the other…Ja né!

Related articles

• How to avoid Pokemon X / Y’s save glitch in Lumiose City (joystiq.com)
• Holy Crap. Has The Famous Glitch, Missingno, Returned In Pokémon X & Y? (kotaku.com)
• MissingNo: The Most Influential Video Game Glitch (knowledgepod.wordpress.com)
• Pokemon: 5 nostalgic memories from Pokemon Red and Blue (o.canada.com)
• Thoughts on Pokémon X (chrisgeorgegamedesign.com)
• Pokemon X short game review (hjwbarberablogs.wordpress.com)
• Pokémon X and Y Review – Among the Very Best (technobuffalo.com)
• Pokemon X & Y Review (goodkindofgeek.com)
• Pokémon X & Y bug breaks saves, is triggered in Lumiose City – report (vg247.com)
• The Pokemon X and Y Lumiose glitch, and a potential fix (destructoid.com)

Lewis Lovhaug’s Funniest Moments Vol 2

Well, since we’re coming up on the 5 Year Anniversary of Atop The Fourth Wall, I thought I’d post some more of my favourite moments from the star himself. This is Lewis Lovhaug’s Funniest Moments Vol 2.

Footage belongs to AT4W and Channel Awesome. Music is The Ballad of Linkara by Vincent E.L.

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• News About Youtube. (luketheblog.wordpress.com)
• 3 Ways to Change a Bad Attitude on a Run (myownrunningstory.wordpress.com)
• My Top 5 Youtubers List (violetliicious.wordpress.com)
• “Andy’s Awesome Adventures” YouTube Travel Channel Celebrates One Year Anniversary with 100th Video-Seen in 130 Countries (prweb.com)
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Linkara Headed To Florida For Convention, This Will Not End Well (NOTE – CONTAINS A FICTIONALIZED NEWS ARTICLE)

So apparently, Linkara is headed to Orlando for a convention called Mythicon. This should prove to be quite the event, and as always, I look forward to seeing what comic he decided to review for the live show. But as we were reading this, PinkRangerWannabe and I decided “Wait, wait, there’s a joke to be made here”. And I tweeted most of what we came up with, but I realized a ways in that it was simply too much for a series of tweets to contain, so instead I decided to write it up here. So, while this is a parody of a news article, and therefore you do not have to do this for realsies, kindly imagine yourself downing headache medication, as we we open up the fictional file of…

So let’s get right to the headline that I would piss myself laughing if I found myself reading it…

Tourist Is Arrested After Punching Out Police Officer, Witnesses Claim He Said “You Might Be The Law…BUT I AM A MAN!”

“Orlando police responded to a disturbance at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant located on Colonial Drive, apparently started by a tourist from Minnesota who had traveled down to Orlando for the upcoming Mythicon convention. The accused was said to have been demanding free chicken tenders after a teenager working in the kitchen got his order wrong. A yelling match and a fist fight lead to an employee calling the police. The man is said to have been threatening to unleash an army of Cybermats, a fictional insect-like cyborg from the popular British television series, Doctor Who. Said Cybermats turned out to be plushies, which the Minnesotan made himself, that several women on the force have decided to ‘confiscate’.”

Oh wait, people, it gets better. “The man was apprehended and taken into custody, but became violent again after kicking over a lamp at the OPD. When asked why he did this, he proceeded to simply grumble to himself about the shape and colouring of said lamp, and refused to comment further. After failed attempts at questioning him, the Minnesotan was placed in a jail cell, following a phone call and a request for reading material. 4 hours later, a man who looked surprisingly similar to the arrested man arrived to provide bail, but had to be detained as well because he had brought a tommy gun into the police department. Both men were forced to remain at the OPD until the next morning, when they were bailed out by the first man’s mother and what appeared to be a blue robot made out of cardboard.”

…Yeah, Lewis is gonna murder me for this one. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first ever fictionalized Tale of Dumbassery, and lemme know if this is something I should ever try again. Ja né!

Tales of Dumbassery – Hey, Man of Steel! It’s Miller Time!

…Well, this isn’t gonna be pretty, folks. Because not only is this Tales of Dumbassery, but………It’s Miller Time.

PUT THE ALCOHOL DOWN, that’s not what I mean. For those that don’t know, Miller Time is a segment on Atop The Fourth Wall, wherein Linkara looks at the ever-increasing insanity of Frank Miller, who has pretty much become a hack in every single meaning of the word these days. So why am I talking about him today? Well, Superman fans should get ready for this story to break their hearts…

Snyder and Miller to Talk About “Man of Steel” Sequel

“When Zack Snyder announced at Comic-Con that Batman would be included in the sequel to ‘Man of Steel’, he had many Superman fans worried when he had actor Harry Lennix read a quote from Frank Miller’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns‘ graphic novel. While Snyder did say they weren’t adapting Miller’s story, the Independant received word that Zack Snyder is planning to meet up with Frank Miller to discuss the new movie.” And real quick, before anyone attempts to blame Snyder for this, because that was my own knee-jerk reaction, “A Superman Homepage source managed to speak to Zack Snyder yesterday, and put to him the concerns of some Superman fans, with Snyder remarking, ‘It’s too early for me to discuss the film. However, regardless of how I feel about Superman, ultimately I have to go along with the direction that Warner Bros. thinks is best’.”

…Yep. THIS is basically what you can expect, people. Batman vs Superman, for no real reason other than to get them into a fight.

…Y’know, I had so many high hopes for this franchise. Even after Man of Steel was being described as edgy, I kept hope that they knew what they were doing. We were gonna have a couple of awesome Superman movies, maybe one or two for heroes like Batman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman, and then a Justice League of America movie to tie it all together and get these heroes together in a story that would rival the success of The Avengers’ film. And heck, despite some flaws with Man of Steel, I can say that overall, I really enjoyed it…And now, THIS has happened.

Now, lemme clarify something right now: Way back before Frank Miller apparently got infected by a brain parasite that killed all good sense in his mind, he could tell an amazing Batman story. He did so with Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, and he did it again with Batman: Year One. But, even back then, and this is crucial people, while DKR gave massive new life to Batman, it did equal amounts of damage to Superman. And THIS is the guy you wanna get input from for the Man of Steel sequel?! REALLY?!

This is and has always been Superman in the eyes of Frank Miller: A strong-man puppet of the government.

Then again, maybe I’m the wrong person to judge this decision, since I don’t even get why this is a VS movie to begin with. Shouldn’t the next logical step have been a Man of Steel movie involving Lex Luthor or Brainiac or Metallo? Why involve Batman at all? Look, I get that he’s been DC’s meal ticket for a LONG time now, but the Man of Steel series was supposed to be about Superman. Do you really have that little faith in the world’s first superhero that you had to bring Batman into it? And heck, if they REALLY felt the need to involve Batman, as this was likely their knee-jerk reaction to mixed reviews of Man of Steel, why have them be adversaries? Why not do something like the Superman The Animated Series‘s three-parter, World’s Finest, where they would start off unsure of each other, but quickly wind up teaming up to battle a super-villain duo? And between the two of them, I think they could find two of their rogues to form a pretty lethal team that they’d NEED to take on together.

But you wanna know what I’ve always found funny about the fight between Superman and Batman in DKR? Even though it’s specifically set up in such a way that Batman can emerge victorious over Superman, it pretty much spells out why Superman would beat Batman at least 9 times out of 10. Think about it: Batman had a ton of prep time to Superman’s zero, Batman used gadgets and trickery while Superman just used pure power instead of playing it smart, Batman had back-up in the form of Carrie Kelley and Green Arrow, Superman only lost because he inhaled Kryptonite from one of Ollie’s arrows, and to be perfectly blunt, Clark didn’t even want the fight in the first place. That’s why I generally give it a pass when most won’t. The problem is that, again, Frank wrote that when he was still sane, rational, and had a basic understanding of how certain characters worked. He doesn’t even understand how Batman works now, what makes you think he can help at all with Superman?

…Btw, if they’re REALLY gonna do this, I DO kinda hope Carrie Kelley is in the movie. lol

Anyway, I think I’ve gone on about this enough. Leave your comments below, or vote as to whether you think getting Frank Miller’s input is a good call or not. Ja né!

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Jyger’s Favourite 5 – 5 Favourite Scenes From Superhero Tales (WARNING – SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTING AHEAD)

Well, I WAS gonna save this for the 1 Year Anniversary of my own little brand of superheroes, but I got impatient, so I decided to go ahead with this now and do something different for the 1 Year Anniversary. If you haven’t been reading, Superhero Tales is a series of stories on DeviantArt for my own original superheroes and superheroines, from their perspectives as they go about their lives. There are characters like the Green Defender, a man who is infused with an advanced form of electricity called green voltage, Starslip, a teenage girl who can alter her molecular structure to turn intangible or harder than steel (and recently phased out of her closet), Zenith Woman, a stranded alien from a race of warrior women who protect the universe, and a group of heroes called The Hexagon, which teams Green Defender and Zenith Woman with four of the greatest superheroes in the world.

Green Defender, The Bard, Jack’d, Zenith Woman, Strix, and Outrun

Now, since I like to keep a good sense of humour in the midst of an often-times tragic and scary world, naturally I tend to do so in my writing, and Superhero Tales is no different. And while I get that it can be somewhat egotistical to spend time laughing at my own shtick, sometimes I just write out something so ridiculous that I can’t help myself. Plus, let’s be honest, I’m no stranger to self-promoting, so why not here? So, with all that said, let’s take a look at five of my favourite scenes from my stories, and just so you know, SPOILERS for anyone who hasn’t been reading much of what has happened as of late.

#1 – Jack’s Prayer from The Hexagon #10

Jack’d is kind of an enigma. You never know exactly what he’s going to say or do in situations, he has powers that cannot be logically explained, and he has an irrational fear of monsters from outer space, which is odd for a guy who fights zombies on a regular basis. So, in this scene from The Hexagon #10, as they were fighting alien plant monsters called Botanical Aberrations while speeding around a city in a buggy, THIS was his reaction, as witnessed by The Bard from the back-seat.

“Dear Lord, I am aware of the fact that my powers are likely satanic in some way, shape, or form,” I hear Jack’d pray in the shotgun seat while hurling flash paper fireballs at the worms. “But if you could do me a favour and spare my life, I would be VERY much appreciative!”

There’s just something hilarious to me about a horrific-looking chaos mage praying to God in situations like this. Kinda dark, I guess, but funny nonetheless.

#2 – The AT4W References from Green Defender #4

Say, have I mentioned that I kinda like the show Atop The Fourth Wall? Okay, okay, put the weapons down! Yes, I’ve paid homage to my reviewer role-model, Linkara, and his comic book review show on a number of occasions…and naturally, in a series about superheroes, how could I possibly resist making a reference to him in Green Defender #4? Now, there were actually two in this particular chapter, but this one is my favourite.

It’s been two nights since the Greene murder as I weave between cars on the Emeraptor. The streets have been somewhat quiet, save for a break-in at a corner store and one moron who actually tried to pose as an internet celebrity and get free comic books for his ‘status’. I wouldn’t have even needed to get involved, but I was in the area, and the man was claiming to be armed. Not so much.

And for the record, I have yet to explain where that man purchased his not-so-magic gun. I’m saving that for a DVD exclusive. 😉

#3 – The Bard’s Disliking of Truth or Dare from Starslip #6

Okay, this one might not actually make a ton of sense as to why I find it particularly funny, but just bear with me as we look at this scenario play out before Starslip.

“Well actually, since we got more than two people…” Olette says with an almost evil smirk, pulling out an empty bottle.

“Oh no, NOT Truth or Dare!” Bard cries desperately.

“Oh, come now,” Maple replies, “it should be fun.”

“EVERYTIME I have EVER played Truth or Dare with you, you have dared me to do increasingly embarrassing acts,” Bard accuses. “First it was the hair dye, then it was wearing that horribly extravagant dress, then it was singing Never Gonna Give You Up at that bar when the people there were just BEGGING for an excuse for a fight to break out.”

“We escaped, didn’t we?” Maple reasons as both myself and Olette are ready to die laughing.

Now here’s the reason why: The Bard is actually based heavily off of N. Harmonik, who is also my spellchecker, and I know for a fact that she doesn’t like Truth or Dare fanfics. So yeah, that was actually meant to be a friendly joke directed at her…Also, at some point, I NEEDED to include a Rick Astley reference. It’s like a law.

#4 – The Flirt from Zenith Woman #2

…Y’know what, let’s just let the scene speak for itself, as a rather muscular-looking man hits on Zenith Woman while she’s in civilian disguise and going shopping with The Bard.

“Well, think your friend would mind if we went for a stroll?” the man suggests, and it’s at this point I notice his gaze is quite a bit lower than my face. “Maybe go for a bite to eat?”

“…Oh!” I say as I realise his intent. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe we should be mating at all.”

The man blinks, looking flustered. “Wha-…wai-“

“It’s just, that sort of thing should only be done between two who share a strong bond,” I go on. “Also, while your muscles are a bit bulkier-looking than mine, I’m almost certain that, should we attempt to mate, I would likely break you, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.”

The man just looks at me oddly, stepping away slowly. “…A-Alright then…I’ll see you ’round…”

I watch as he leaves, confused, until I hear an odd sound coming from behind me. Turning, I see Robina standing a couple of feet away, and she appears to be trying to keep from laughing.

“…What?” I ask, befuddled.

“…Vyx, you have NO idea how awesome that was,” Robina says, tears forming at the corners of her eyes as she keeps from laughing harder.

There’s just something inherently funny to me about an alien girl interacting with dumbass human men. When you see it happening, you know it won’t end well and you likely know the punch-line to come, but you can’t look away! XD

#5 – The Defender Signal Suggestion from Green Defender #17

I’ve made it pretty clear in the past that Batman is my favourite superhero. As such, much of Green Defender was inspired by Batman. And if you’re wondering, here’s who else inspired him…

However, while I try not to make GD TOO much like Batman, there are some moments where I just can’t help but make tongue-and-cheek references to him, as seen here when he’s meeting Detective Catherine Summers on a rooftop.

I land softly on the roof. I’m about a minute late, but I felt the need to scope out the area to make sure this wasn’t a trap. Standing in the shadows of the roof entrance is Detective Summers, having a cigarette as she waits for me.

“Y’know those are bad for you,” I note as I walk over.

“I hear the same thing about having mass voltage running through your body, but you seem okay,” the Detective replies. “Besides, it’s an e-cigarette. I’m trying to quit.”

“Also, there are better ways to contact people than to stash cellphones in their pockets,” I go on.

“Well, what would you prefer, a giant spotlight with your symbol on it or something?” Summers inquires.

Thinking for a moment, I just shrug. “…Eh, too egotistical…”

And that’s my 5 Favourite Scenes From Superhero Tales. I hope you enjoyed this blatant attention-whoring, and by all means, leave a comment below what you thought, and if you like these, by all means check out Superhero Tales. Ja né!

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MY 100th POST! Lewis Lovhaug’s Funniest Moments

Yay! 100 posts on my blog! And to commemorate the occasion, here is a compilation of some of my favourite funny moments of Lewis J. Lovhaug’s, AKA Linkara…….What, you were expecting something else? C’mon, you know how much of a cheap plug whore I am. XD

Footage of course belongs to AT4W, The Spoony Experiment, and Cinema Snob. Music is the Gunslinger theme by Vincent E.L.

Thank you all for joining me on this. Hopefully in the future there’ll be more TGWTG related goodness, more comic book, video game, and anime rants, and with any luck, I should be getting by show back on its feet one of these days. Ja ne!