How To Redefine Failing At Writing Superman – Preview Images for Superman #14 (SPOILERS)

Y’know, as a fan of AT4W, I have seen a lot of ridiculously bad failed attempts at writing the Man of Steel. Among others, there was Superman: At Earth’s End, where Superman decided it was okay to pick up the world’s most ludicrous gun and start a-killin’ people, there was Superman: Grounded, where Superman went around a town and started spewing bullshit philosophy and committed an act of arson, and there was The Dark Knight Strikes Again, where Superman allowed himself to be made into a puppet of Lex Luthor and banged Wonder Woman so hard it created typhoons, an act that would be the dumbest thing in comics relating to sex if not for an issue of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics wherein Buffy and Angel do that THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE COMIC.

And then the relaunch happened. Look, I’ve already gone over what’s pissed me off about Superman in the New 52. If you missed it, here…

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…However, it seems that the product is actually on a decline from even that point, as evidenced by some preview images that have been around the net for the past while. If you don’t wish to be spoiled, now’s the time to click away. Otherwise, let’s analyse, shall we?

…WOW. First off, I’ll admit that while it is something of a burn, calling Clark‘s bed his ‘Mattress of Solitude’ is kind of funny. What was NOT funny and continues the creepiness of Superman’s character as of late is his retort. Next!

And now we’re in the super creep area, as Clark not only feels no need to defend his actions, he is now attacking Lois for her private life…A private life that he snuck his nose into by using his x-ray vision on her so she could read her text messages…NEXT!

…Y’know what? When I finally snap, you’ll know, because I will be heralding this comic as the most brilliant parody/satire of Superman EVER as my only means of coping with this crap.

Now before I go into the obvious problem I have with this page, let me address something else first: The person they’re turning to see? That’s actually Supergirl. And as we all know, Supergirl is Superman’s cousin. To the best of my knowledge, in the New 52, Lois does not know that Clark is Superman. I think you can see where this is going.

But back to the bigger issues here. First off, no matter the continuity, no matter the circumstances, SUPERMAN DOES NOT SAY “BOOTY CALL”. EVER. I am SHOCKED that went through, that ANY of this has gone though. That nobody at DC Comics has seen that and gone “No! Bad Lobdell!” Oh, and I just love Lois’ dialogue afterwards,  which is basically a reinforcement that they will never be a couple again, basically if you were to condense One Moment In Time to a single line. Although actually, at least this IS a single line, not what we got in OMIT.

Also, it seems perfectly clear with the image of Superman and Wonder Woman kissing that the plan is to eventually do some kind of jealousy love triangle, which could be made worse if they involved Batman and Batwoman in there. Oh yeah, long story short, Batman was seen spying on Supes and Diana making out (I’m going to assume for the sake of my sanity that the look on his face was more disapproval and concern at two members of the League being involved romantically, otherwise there goes my intent to start buying Justice League) and Batwoman has sort of a schoolgirl crush on Wonder Woman (though this is JUST a crush, she still prefers her girlfriend in Gotham). Hopefully I’m wrong and they don’t go down THAT road, but who can say at this point.

So yeah, to answer the question posed in the title of this blog entry, THIS is how you redefine failing at writing Superman. So with that said, I’d like to applaud Scott Lobdell for what I’m sure he will indeed be calling a parody of Superman just so that he doesn’t have to commit career suicide when people actually start showing him just how terrible this is. Well, this and Red Hood and the Outlaws, but honestly, for the crap I give THAT comic, I think this might actually be WORSE.

Anyway, that’s my take on all of this. Discuss this however you want, flame me if you must, but please, if you agree with anything I said, spread the word. DC HAS to know what people actually think about this, otherwise it’s just gonna get worse. Ja né.