…Show it again. lol
Now the audience’s reaction.
Honest to God, at this point, I don’t even care if Roman Reigns goes over Braun Strowman the next time they wrestle. Braun is a made man after this. And if you think that mister Mohit Gaur, who recorded that last video, sounded like he was having an orgasm while watching, imagine what Vince #ILoveBigMuscles McMahon was like backstage. A friend of mine said it was likely a matter of “Oop, my hand is in my pants again”, to which I responded “Fuck his pants! His pants were probably flung to the other side of the gorilla position while he had both hands firmly clasped around his dick and hosed all over Michael Cole and JBL!”…Okay, I MAY have added some of that for this article, but the point still stands! Like, you remember that thing Triple H said about Vince and Cocky years ago? That was what was going on backstage while all that was going on! And honestly, I feel like the whole sequence of the beatdown and Strowman pushing over the ambulance should’ve been the last thing we saw on the show, because who the fuck could care about the draft (oh sorry, Superstar Shakeup) after THAT?!
Now, here’s why I wanted to talk about this, besides telling sick-minded jokes about Vinny Mac: A lot of people, in response to this, have pointed out all of the ways this was complete bullshit. Specifically, how that was clearly not the real Roman Reigns on the stretcher when Strowman Zack-Ryder’d him, and that there was no way on God’s green Earth that Braun Strowman pushed over a 10,000+ pound vehicle. And yes, one person in particular would be King Ross, and no, none of what I’m about to say is meant to be a sleight against him. In fact, I was laughing my ass off at his dissection of this whole sequence of events. To be blunt, I don’t think I even need to direct what I’m about to say to him, since he probably already knows and was just doing this for the sake of entertainment. But I’ll say it anyway: I’m well aware of the fact that this was stupid and fake as shit. Here’s the thing I need to make clear, though: I still loved it. I still thought it was awesome. The fact that it was fake didn’t influence my thoughts on it at all. As long as something is so outrageous and eye-popping that you physically
want NEED to go on social media, not only to say your own piece about it but to see what everyone else thought, it accomplished its goals. And really, isn’t that exactly what wrestling is? Something that is obviously fake and kind of stupid but you watch anyway for how over-the-top insane and awesome it can be?
But hey, that’s just my take on it. Feel free to let me know what you thought. Ja né!
…All I’m gonna say is that I had my reasons. lol If you haven’t seen it yourself, or you wanna watch both the video and our reactions at once, here’s the full thing:
And now, Aibo’s reaction. lol
Didn’t even notice that was Craig from The Bryan & Vinny Show. Dunno how I managed that, but I honestly didn’t notice…I’m so jealous of him now. Not only was he seen on RAW, he got to fuck over Kevin Dunn. XD
Y’know, I haven’t really talked much about wrestling on here in a LONG time, but there’s something I gotta get off my chest about last night’s show, and the WWE main event picture. If you didn’t see last night’s RAW, here’s what happened: It was revealed that Seth Rollins passed along the idea to Triple H to make John Cena vs. Randy Orton (or as Spoony likes to call it, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”) at Hell In A Cell a #1 Contender Match. In other words, the winner takes on Brock Lesnar, presumably at Survivor Series, for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Of course, the reason is obvious: Rollins wants Lesnar and his opponent to beat the hell outta each other and so he can cash in his Money In The Bank contract and win the belt the easy way.
Regardless, at the end of the night, we had John Cena and Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton, Kane, and Seth Rollins in a Handicap Tag Team Street Fight. I don’t know why there’s tagging in a Street Fight, but whatever. The point is, about two thirds of the way into the match, Kane ordered the Hell In A Cell, which had been hung in the air all night, to be lowered, effectively making it a Handicap Tag Team Hell In A Cell Match. The end result is that these five guys beat the piss outta each other with chairs, tables, and Singapore Canes, and the match ended with Orton hitting the RKO on Ambrose for the win, only to get Curb Stomped by Rollins before he had a chance to celebrate. Hell, he got hit before the announcer could even say his name. And so, the show ended with Rollins on top of the Hell In A Cell celebrating atop the bodies laying in the ring.
So, a couple of thoughts. First off, I’m kinda confused as to why we’re getting two Hell In A Cell matches at the show on Sunday, when we coulda just thrown Brock Lesnar in with these five guys and make it a 6-Man Hell In A Cell Match for the title. Heck, one of those matches scheduled for Sunday is one we’ve already seen before, and is a match including two men that have literally wrestled each other at LEAST a hundred times on live TV (not sure about non-televised shows, so the number could actually be several times that amount). Now, my guess is that Brock’s agreed-upon schedule keeps him from being used every show. And I KNEW that was gonna happen. In fact, it was my one concern with putting the belt on him. Now, I understand that Brock is still not used to a regular schedule, and I of course can accept him not showing up every week on RAW…But when you are the WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World, when you are the face of said company, you have a certain responsibility to represent it at every Pay-Per-View! This is why Daniel Bryan was stripped of the belt: He couldn’t uphold said responsibilities and obligations due to injury, so he had to forfeit the title. And by the way, if this match DOES in fact take place at Survivor Series? Guess how long that is since his last title defense at Night of Champions? Almost exactly two months! So I don’t wanna hear the ’30 day mandatory title defense clause’ EVER brought up again!
…*sighs* Okay, better now. Anyway, the other thought that occurs to me after checking out the aforementioned Spoony One’s Twitter today is…why is John Cena being rewarded with the possibility of becoming #1 Contender, when he lost the Contract On A Pole Match against Ambrose to determine which of them fought Seth Rollins at Hell In A Cell? Why isn’t Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins to determine the #1 Contender? Now, I already gave the in-story explanation, which fits the character Seth Rollins is portraying currently: He’s the clever coward, always looking to take the easy way out of situations. However, the problem is that the audience now needs to sit through Cena vs. Orton Part God-Knows-What to determine who takes on Brock, and that match will either be Brock vs. Cena for the third time this year, or a Hell vs. Heel match for the championship. And unless the plan is to turn Randy Orton face, which has been historically proven to be a bad idea at least twice that I know of, and have him win the belt, only for Rollins to come in and steal it from him, it’s probably gonna be Cena beating Brock to win the title for the 16th time (which means he ties Ric Flair, which should just not happen, but you know they’ll do it), only to have the belt taken from him by Rollins.
Anyway, where does this leave us for the main event picture? Well, we know that Seth Rollins will eventually gain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. That’s a given. The question is, where do we go from there? The theory is that Daniel Bryan, body willing, will get his shot to get the belt back at Wrestlemania. And really, Rollins vs. Bryan? AWESOME main event. Otherwise, the other major contenders are Dean Ambrose, John Cena, and Roman Reigns. And my guess is that Brock Lesnar will probably fight one of the men not chosen to fight Seth Rollins, which is another reason why I hope Daniel Bryan is the man to take on the champ, because he’s NOT beating Brock. I’m sorry, I like Daniel Bryan a lot, but look at what both he and Brock bring to the ring. They both have a very similar style, except Brock is a LOT bigger, and Daniel Bryan is maybe a LITTLE faster. Also, I would NOT want to put a guy fresh off a career-threatening-injury against Brock Lesnar first thing, ‘cuz Lesnar might just fucking kill him. O_O
So yeah, those are my thoughts on RAW last night, and the current title picture for the foreseeable future. Leave a comment below what you think about this, as well as your own conclusions, and we’ll see what becomes of the title picture by Survivor Series.
Poor John Cena. And I really mean that. Here’s a guy that I honestly believe loves the wrestling business, loves to entertain people, and never wants to take a break from doing so. Problem is, his overall ability in the ring is lacking, and while he’s plenty charismatic and one hell of a brawler, his matches often-times leave something to be desired…And yet, people tend to forget that, if called upon to give fans an extremely entertaining roller-coaster ride of a match, more often than not, he can do it. Now, this is not me trying to say he’s the best in the world, because he isn’t. I don’t wanna start a fight with anybody, even though I know just doing this article is opening the floodgates. Still, I feel the need to point out that, while he’s not the greatest wrestler in the world, he’s also not as bad as people think sometimes. So, here’s my 5 Favourite John Cena Matches. Criteria for this one: Singles matches only, different opponent for each one, and he does not need to win. These might not necessarily be his BEST matches, either, they’re just my personal favourites. So, what better way to start than…
Could you ever ask for a better way to make your début match? Kurt Angle had just come off a victory over Hulk Hogan at King of the Ring, making Hogan tap out, and was issuing an open challenge to anyone he’d never wrestled before. After a few seconds of nobody answering the challenge, a kid by the name of John Cena came out and got in the ring, and when Angle asked what quality Cena thought he had that gave him a shot against him, Cena answered “Ruthless Aggression!” before punching Angle out. The match was VERY back and forth, which was VERY impressive for the rookie Cena, but in the end, Angle used his experience and superior mat wrestling style to get the pin. Still, Cena’s position was cemented, and it would NOT be the last time these two would meet face-to-face. I think what I like most about this match, though, is looking back on it after seeing Cena use the same 4-5 moves every match nowadays, and getting to see him actually wrestle here, and wrestle a damned good match against Kurt Angle.
John Cena was the WWE Champion for the better part of a little over a year, and was now walking into an arena of die-hard ECW fans at an ECW Pay-Per-View, going up against Rob Van Dam in a match where ANYTHING goes, and there was that one fan in the audience that had the sign that said “IF CENA WINS, WE RIOT”. So, you pretty much knew, going into the show, that Cena was dropping the belt to RVD. What you didn’t really take into account was how hard Cena was gonna make it for Mr. Monday Night. Not to take away from RVD’s performance, in fact far from it, just saying that Cena pretty much brought it to the Whole Fuckin’ Show and the ECW audience at One Night Stand and made Rob Van Dam earn the belt. My one complaint is that the involvement of Edge and Paul Heyman kind of tainted to Rob’s win a little bit. Didn’t need it.
I always look at this match as redemption through pain for John Cena. Cena had been WWE Champion on and off for the better part of two years, winning most of his matches with the same 4-5 moves chained together, and people were getting pretty sick of it. Then came the 350 pound Samoan Bulldozer, the late Edward Fatu, known then as Umaga. Up until their match at New Year’s Revolution, Umaga had never been pinned. However, after a roll-up victory out of nowhere in their match that night, Umaga’s winning streak was ended, leading to Umaga seeking revenge against the WWE Champion at the Royal Rumble in a Last Man Standing Match. And I’m just gonna say this here, these two pretty much beat the shit out of each other. Cena was bleeding all over the place, Umaga was smacked around in ways he’d never had done to him before, they went crashing through tables and steel stairs, it was just BRUTAL, and the finish to the match, while it might be considered somewhat cheap by some, I felt was a decent end that made both Cena and Umaga look strong.
This one’s actually got a little bit of a funny story behind it. They were overseas for an episode of RAW, and they had two things planned for the second half of the show: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels, and something to do with Randy Orton, and I honestly forget what it was, but something happened and Randy Orton couldn’t be there. So what ended up happening was that Shawn Michaels and John Cena went out there and wrestled for an hour. With the exception of Iron Man matches, a one hour match is virtually unheard of in WWE in today’s day and age. And it was actually a REALLY good match. I daresay it may even be better than Michaels’ Iron Man match with Bret Hart. And while Cena didn’t win, he hung with HBK for an hour. You don’t have to win at that point. lol My one complaint about this match: It took place on a live, televised episode of RAW with extremely little build up, while their PPV match at Wrestlemania 23 was kinda lacklustre. And speaking of one hour Iron Man matches…
Randy Orton vs. John Cena, or as The Spoony One likes to it, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” XD Admittedly, Cena and Orton have wrestled WAY too many times, but I think this is the best one, is when they went one hour in an Iron Man match. The one thing that stands out the most in this match was the fact that Orton tried to BLOW UP John Cena with the pyrotechnics on the stage. And then they tried to turn him face for a few years…I don’t get it. lol The one problem I have with this match is that they had to stop it for a few moments for blood, which was a thing they did sometimes. I’m not sure if they still do that, but it got rather annoying. I would just as soon prefer there be no blood spots in wrestling than to have a blood spot that interrupts a match, you know what I mean?
So, those are my favourite Cena matches. Got one that’s not up here? Feel free to suggest it in the comments sections. All I ask, PLEASE don’t turn the comments section into an argument. I’m not asking you to like John Cena, just please, please, PLEASE do not start flaming each other if you disagree on him. Ja né!
- WWE Hell in a Cell 2013: Alberto Del Rio Should Beat John Cena Cleanly (bleacherreport.com)
- John Cena feels his Miami bad luck changing with return at WWE Hell in a Cell (miamiherald.com)
- John Cena Returning! What Does That Entail? (grizzlybomb.com)
- WWE 2K14: Dream Matches Fans Can Create with DLC Characters (bleacherreport.com)
- Triple H Focusing on the Tag Team Division Again?, PG Product Paying Off for WWE, Cena’s Return (worldwrestlingstreams.wordpress.com)
- John Cena’s Early Return Indicates Lack of Faith in WWE’s Future (bleacherreport.com)
- John Cena Comments on If He Is Returning to WWE Too Soon (worldwrestlingstreams.wordpress.com)
- Jim Ross Blogs on WWE Championship & World Heavyweight Championship HIAC Matches (worldwrestlingstreams.wordpress.com)
- WWE Hell in a Cell 2013: Smart Projections for Top Feuds (bleacherreport.com)
- WWE Hell In A Cell Predictions (seanally11.wordpress.com)