Well, yesterday was my birthday (Happy 31st to me), so I decided that, for my birthday, in lieu of a gift card or the like, which we normally do for each other, I asked N. Harmonik to get me a ticket to go see a movie. And what movie was it? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows. And you know what? I had a great time. Yes, the movie is only good if you kinda shut your brain off and don’t think about it too much, but you know what? I know that going in. I knew, from the moment I saw Megan Fox in the initial trailer dressed like a schoolgirl-type whatever that this was gonna be dumb, but I went anyway. Why? Because it’s the Ninja Turtles. I was a HUGE Turtles fan as a kid. When my First Grade teacher couldn’t teach me to read and was just gonna try the same failing method over and over, my parents got me TMNT books and taught me to read with them. The first movie I ever remember seeing in theaters (though I’ve been told I’ve seen others beforehand) was the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in 1990. My favourite colour is green. My favourite number is 4. So even if this was the suckiest suck that ever sucked, I was still gonna go and enjoy myself, because what were the odds that TMNT’s opening day was my birthday? And it actually WASN’T the suckiest, either. It was actually a lot better than the first one. Of course, that’s not saying much, and we’ll get to what was bad in a sec, but first, let’s talk about the stuff I really enjoyed.
First off, the stuff with the Turtles is actually good. In fact, I actually thought the emotional conflict between them was a lot better done and isn’t just Leonardo and Raphael not getting along Part Who-Knows-What-Anymore. Granted, we DO get more than a couple of arguments between the two, but…well, how do I put this?…You know how when there’s a personal issue with the team, Raph is usually Problem Turtle? Well, Raph is not Problem Turtle in this movie. He DOES do something that kinda screws things up bad, but in retrospect, if anyone is Problem Turtle in this movie, it’s Leo, and it’s not just a problem between those two, but the whole team. Donnie finds out that they can become human, and Leo, knowing that Raph and Mikey are the more sensitive of the team and how much they hate having to stick to the shadows, as well as how becoming human would kinda mess with the team’s overall effectiveness a bit, tells him to keep this between themselves. Of course, Michelangelo overhears anyway and tells Raph. What happens as a result is that we get it painted clear as day, and in fact, Splinter calls Leo out on this; Leo is a born leader when it comes to strategy and whatnot, but when it comes to balancing out the unique perspectives and character pros and cons of his brothers, he’s terrible, and he needs to figure out how to correct this problem. I thought analyzing that was a good idea. The resolution was a bit lacking, but it was still an aspect of the characters worth exploring.
I also really liked Bebop and Rocksteady. I don’t really understand why, in hindsight, it was necessary for Sheamus to completely change his hairstyle for this movie when he loses it upon becoming a mutant, and doing so instead has resulted in chants of “You look stupid!” for the past year, but whatever. There is one thing I have to nitpick, though: The way the mutagen works to turn Rocksteady and Bebop. Now, in the cartoon, they were mutated into a rhino and a warthog as they were the last creatures they came in contact with, and likely had residue of the creatures on their persons. It made sense. Here, the mutagen latches onto genetic markers that lead back to animals that the movie is pretending exists in us. It’s not even the animal spirit thing that the MMPR movie did, either. They specifically said it was in their genetic makeup. And without even missing a beat, with no regard for any of the looks I got, I just went “Of course! Don’t you know anything about science?!”
As far as some of the other characters go, I thought Kraang was silly, but in a way that works for him and harkens back great to the old cartoon. I thought it was a smart move that the Foot Clan are actually NINJAS in this movie, as opposed to whatever the hell they were supposed to be in the last one. I think they were just generic terrorists, but whatever. Shredder is played by someone else, but I don’t really mind that at all. What was funny was that I was about to comment how much I preferred the new, black, heavily-streamlined costume he wore in this one as opposed to when he was Shredder-tron in the last one…right before he was completely under-minded as a legit villain in this movie by Kraang. Casey was kinda on the bland side, but he was still okay. Of all the human characters in this movie, I probably felt for his situation most, although it was a weird direction when you’re more used to the more mainstream interpretations of the character. But again, he’s still alright…which is actually something that makes him better than pretty much every single human character on the good guys’ side in the entire movie. Really, the biggest problem this movie has is whenever we leave the Turtles and focus on the humans, because the good guys of the human cast are just not that interesting or engaging.
Which, of course, brings us to Megan Fox. I’m just gonna be blunt here, and I want everyone to understand where I’m coming from with this…It’s 2016, right? It’s 2016, and I’m still having it crammed down my throat that Megan Fox is sexy. You know? Like, it’s 20-fucking-16, and that’s STILL her only real contributor. Like, we can’t just have her ACT and get her roles over by acting, because that would require effort, so instead, we just gotta push Megan Fox out there, WITH TOP BILLING, FYI, and have her be sexy. I’m sorry, but she’s just not a good actress. I can’t pretend she is. And as far as the character of April as presented in this movie goes, I don’t even know where you go with her after this. She’s the Turtles’ connection to the human world. Fine. Guess what? We now have Casey and THE ENTIRE NYPD that can fill that role. And what is so perplexing about this is that this is all the same shit that happened with the Transformers movies, and Megan Fox quit those! Now she’s doing the same shit again, working under the same person she had problems with before! And she said she wanted to play the role because she really loved the character, and you know what, maybe she DOES love the character of April O’Neil. I’m not calling her a liar. That could very well be true. But even if it is, we have to accept one very important, minor issue: SHE’S NOT A GOOD ACTRESS! I do not spend money to go see a movie just because the actors are pretty. But, so long as we’re on the subject, not only is Stephen Amell’s performance in this movie better than Megan Fox’s, not only do I care a lot more for him and his back-story (admittedly, probably not as much as they want me to, but whatever), and not only does he play off the Turtles a bit better, but guess what? He’s also a lot prettier.
Anyway, overall, I still enjoyed this movie. When the story focuses on the personality traits and faults of the Turtles, as well as seeing them in action, it’s a good movie. Maybe not one you wanna think too hard about, but still is at least fun and worth checking out. And to be perfectly honest, I kinda knew, going in, what it was that REALLY was gonna make this movie much better than the previous one: They took the more absurd, insane, and just impossible-to-take-seriously aspects of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which, as an old-school fan, I can tell you, there are MANY of), and just had fun with them. It’s not ashamed to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It doesn’t try to hide any of these aspects. It just goes full-blown with them. And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. They iron out the other issues with the movies thus far, and the third one should be GREAT. So, lemme know what YOU thought of this movie (if you saw it, that is), and we’ll see if they learn anything more when it finally comes time for the third movie. Take us out, CD9.
…Oh yeah, and Baxter Stockman was annoying as shit, and the product placement was STILL really irritatingly blatant. lol Ja né!
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… … … … …Holy shit, they’re really doing Dimension X for this movie. o.O I mean, I kinda gathered they might be from the last trailer, but it never really hit me, and that’s because none of the other Ninja Turtles movies have EVER done Dimension X. It always seemed like it was just too outside the realm of possibility to do, and they’re doing it. And, I’ll be honest, I’m actually a little more hyped for this movie than the first one, mainly because they seem to be openly embracing the insanity of it all and are doing something none of the other movies have done up until now. So…yeah, if I have the money, I might just go check this out.
…Also, Krang totally needs to try and steal the Statue of Liberty. XD
So, as many people probably know, I’m a big fan of the show Death Battle, wherein two characters (usually fictional with few exceptions) are set against each other in a fight to the death. Of course, because some characters involved do not kill usually (Batman and Superman, for example), these fights are actually ‘simulations’ with all personality traits intact but that. Also, the fights take said characters from when they were at their peak ability, so that the hosts of the show can analyse the best of their weapons, armour, and skills. This is why Goku was unable to defeat Superman, as the whole point behind Goku’s character is that he will always have limits he has to break, whereas Superman has no limits other than how much solar energy he’s taken in at any given time, with a proven maximum potential of infinity.
However, despite the fact that the show has been around for five years and 54 episodes (not including mini-analyses, the spin-off shows Desk of Death Battle and One Minute Melee, or other such specials), there nonetheless are plenty of potential Death Battles that myself and many other fans have thought of and wanted to see in the future. So, I thought I’d go ahead and list five Death Battles I’d like to see, and as usual, if you can think of any I haven’t listed, feel free to add them in the comments. So, let’s start off with probably my most requested…
The battle of the master swordsmen who, while lacking size, nonetheless are incredibly powerful and skilled. Really, this fight would more or less come down to one major point: Which is stronger, King Mickey’s magic or Yoda’s mastery of The Force? Because I suspect they’re equally matched in swordplay, and while it can usually cut through most anything else, I doubt the Lightsaber could just as easily slice through a Keyblade. Either way, though, this would likely be a fast and furious battle with lots of insane acrobatics.
Pokémon vs Digimon. It has to happen at some point or another, and I feel these two are the best choices. With that said, there’s a couple of points that could work in either mon’s favour. Using Digimon logic, as Mega Charizard X is part Dragon-type, WarGreymon’s Dramon Killer claws should be highly effective on it. On the flip side, though, using Pokémon logic, because WarGreymon is covered in metal armour, Mega Charizard X’s Fire-type attacks should work well against it.
Battle of the fan characters! And yes, I know Nazo’s design is based on a potential transformation of Sonic’s from the Sonic X pilot, but the fan community has since made him into something completely different. Really, this would pretty much by design be more of a joke battle, but an epic one nonetheless. Plus, I just really wanna see Team Four Star’s Demon God of Love step into Death Battle. lol
Yes, I know we just had one of the cast of RWBY duke it out in a Death Battle, but honestly, I think I’d like to see these four in a battle not unlike the Ninja Turtles’ 4-Way. Mind you, something tells me we MIGHT be seeing something akin to this in the new season, but I doubt very much it’d be a fight to the death, for obvious reasons. However, with that said, there’s one other Battle Royale I’d love to see someday…
Again, probably would have to be a joke battle that doesn’t involve any real analysis, because otherwise, it would take FOREVER to decide a winner. But yeah, I would love to see every single Death Battle winner step into the ring to determine who would win one final Death Battle. And Superman wouldn’t even necessarily win for being the strongest, since he’d be facing opponents like Spawn, who could hurt him very easily. In fact…ah, screw it. lol
Yes, Superman’s powers make him a near-unkillable being who really shouldn’t be in one-on-one match-ups with no prep time involved like Death Battles…usually. However, Spawn is a different story. His powers range from the magical to the demonic, and Superman lacks any kind of protection against magic-based attacks and weapons. So really, it comes down to a simple question: Is it possible for Superman to gather enough solar energy to cancel out Spawn, or are Spawn’s abilities simply the best possible offense to the Man of Steel?
Anyway, those are five…well, technically SIX Death Battles I’d like to see. Got any I didn’t post? Add them in the comments section, and who knows? Maybe Ben and Chad will see this and add them as future Death Battles. Ja né!
…*sighs* Okay, I’ll do it. IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEE!!! XD