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Happy New Year + George Lucas Says The Force Awakens Was Too Retro (WARNING – ANGRY RANT AHEAD)

Oh, George, George, George…I really haven’t given you any attention on this blog, have I? In the years I’ve been doing this blog (and yes, that scares me too that I’m coming up on FIVE YEARS of writing this blog in April), I have yet to dedicate an article to a man who created one of the greatest science fiction sagas of all time, the newest entry of which is breaking box office records worldwide right now, which is very impressive considering how much he’s done to make it suck. So, I figured I’d ring in the new year by doing just that. So, congrats, George Lucas, your moment on this blog has finally arrived.

Now, most of us are probably well aware of most of the things George has done to ruin the Star Wars franchise. If you don’t know, here’s a little ditty that I think best covers some of the bigger ones…

Oh yeah, and he was also the guy who made the Howard The Duck movie. Not related to anything else on here, but I just thought I’d bring it up. Then, in October 2012, he decided to sell the rights to the franchise to Disney…’cuz they really needed another multi-billion dollar franchise under their control. lol All kidding aside, though, when people were concerned about what would end up happening to Star Wars now that Disney was in control, I more or less had the following sentiment: “Star Wars is already dead. George killed it. So really, the worst that Disney can do in raising it from its grave is to kill it again, in which case, we’re just back to square one. They LITERALLY cannot do any worse than has already been done to this franchise.” And, considering that now, just a little over three years later, Episode VII is currently raking in…hang on… … …ah, over 1.2 BILLION DOLLARS at the box office, even managing to beat out Frozen, I think it’s safe to assume that Star Wars is gonna be okay.

However, one common critique I’ve heard about the movie is how it repeats a lot of plot points that we’ve seen in a lot of the older movies. I’ll avoid talking about them in detail, because I don’t wanna spoil anyone, but…yeah, they are numerous. And having gone to see the movie, I can say that, while I liked it A LOT (and was VERY proud of my mother for managing to sit through the whole thing even though she hates movie theaters), that IS a legitimate critique that someone can make about this movie, and I would say that I don’t mind hearing people bring that up… … …I repeat, I WOULD say that, except there is ONE person I do NOT want to hear that from: George Lucas.

Apparently, George decided to talk about how Disney made The Force Awakens a bit too retro, stated that he preferred to make each movie feel different, and referred to Disney as “white slavers”. Some have suggested that last part was meant to be a joke, but my personal opinion is that, even if it was, it was a kinda BAD one. However, here’s the sticking point for me: “Every movie, I worked very hard to make them different.” Um…what? First off, George, do you even remember what you yourself said about the prequel movies, and how they and the characters within them mirror the original trilogy and characters? And now you’re gonna judge J. J. Abrams and everyone else that worked on the story for doing the same thing, only with less green screen and Jar Jar? Second, you worked hard to make each movie different? Do you know which of the now seven Star Wars movies is probably the most thematically different, all things considered? The Empire Strikes Back. And wouldn’t you know it, that’s the one that, up until the newest movie, had the LEAST DIRECT CONTROL BY GEORGE LUCAS! Isn’t that a funny little coincidence?

And while I do consider the repeated plot elements from the older movies here to be a legit critique, I also kind of take the approach of…well, what were you expecting? If I may be allowed to quote the Cinema Snob from the Nostalgia Critic’s review of The Force Awakens, “It’s the reintroduction of an old friend who’s taken a beating and just needed to show that he’s gonna be okay before he accomplishes better things”. It had to hit all these same beats for this one, to show that the ones making these new movies know what they’re doing, before they continue down a new direction. So, while it’s a legitimate issue to take with this one movie, I think it’s one that shows that Episodes VIII and IX will probably be pretty good.

So, in short, here’s my final word on the subject: George, you sold the rights to Disney. You made more money off of that purchase than I will ever see in my entire life. On top of that, you made who knows how much off Star Wars when you owned it, you were awarded a Life Achievement Award by the American Film Institute (although I think perhaps one or two guests mistook the event for a celebrity roast, particularly Carrie Fisher…as frigging hilarious as that was), you won Hugo Award after Hugo Award after Hugo Award, and you were inducted as a Disney Legend by those same people you, jokingly or not, referred to as “white slavers”. So, I suggest you take all that money you’ve got in your World’s Biggest Piggybank, buy yourself a tropical island (which I’m shocked wasn’t part of the original game-plan in selling Star Wars), go retire there, and shut your mouth, you HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAACK.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter. And I know I’m opening the floodgates with this one, but…honestly, I just can’t seem to care this time. Lemme know what you think of all this, and hey, if you haven’t already, go see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Yes, there are a couple of things I could give real critiques about, and I probably will someday, but overall, it really does hold up pretty well as the newest chapter of the Star Wars saga, and a VERY welcome breath of fresh air after the prequels. Just try not to post spoilers in the comments, or I WILL delete them. Ja né!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…On the other hand, though, at least he’s not that pig from the New York Post that body shamed Carrie Fisher, the stupid little shit…Yeah, you turn 59 and see how sexy you are. What, are you upset she doesn’t look like she did in Return of the Jedi? Seriously, what were they even smoking when they came up with the whole gold bikini slave girl on a chain thing???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year, everybody! 😛

Disney Owns Star Wars…So The Heck What?

So yeah, word has reached my ears of Disney purchasing Lucasfilm, and by extension Star Wars, and that they even plan to do a Star Wars Episode VII. And naturally, my first reaction was to come on here and bitch about how they’re gonna kill Star Wars, but then I realised they can’t. You know why? ‘Cuz it’s already dead. George already killed it. The worst Disney could do is bring it back to life and then kill it all over again, and that’d just be putting us back where we are now, so really, what’s everybody so worried about?

I will say one thing I am actually legit excited to possibly see if Disney decides to do this: Star Wars world in Kingdom Hearts. That would be fucking AWESOME. Although I suppose technically we already have Star Wars in Kingdom Hearts, what with Xemnas using lightsabers, King Mickey fighting like Yoda, and Master Xehanort going all Emperor Palpatine on us. lol

In closing, I would just like to say that, for now, people need to just chillax and wait and see what happens. Really, the worst they can do is a Howard the Duck sequel (since Howard the Duck is a Marvel comic and a Lucasfilm movie and now Disney owns both), and if that happens, I just won’t see it. End of story. Feel free to comment on how wrong I am if you really wanna, all I ask is that we have smart discussion talking about the pros and cons of this. Ja né!