Well, yesterday was my birthday (Happy 31st to me), so I decided that, for my birthday, in lieu of a gift card or the like, which we normally do for each other, I asked N. Harmonik to get me a ticket to go see a movie. And what movie was it? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows. And you know what? I had a great time. Yes, the movie is only good if you kinda shut your brain off and don’t think about it too much, but you know what? I know that going in. I knew, from the moment I saw Megan Fox in the initial trailer dressed like a schoolgirl-type whatever that this was gonna be dumb, but I went anyway. Why? Because it’s the Ninja Turtles. I was a HUGE Turtles fan as a kid. When my First Grade teacher couldn’t teach me to read and was just gonna try the same failing method over and over, my parents got me TMNT books and taught me to read with them. The first movie I ever remember seeing in theaters (though I’ve been told I’ve seen others beforehand) was the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in 1990. My favourite colour is green. My favourite number is 4. So even if this was the suckiest suck that ever sucked, I was still gonna go and enjoy myself, because what were the odds that TMNT’s opening day was my birthday? And it actually WASN’T the suckiest, either. It was actually a lot better than the first one. Of course, that’s not saying much, and we’ll get to what was bad in a sec, but first, let’s talk about the stuff I really enjoyed.
First off, the stuff with the Turtles is actually good. In fact, I actually thought the emotional conflict between them was a lot better done and isn’t just Leonardo and Raphael not getting along Part Who-Knows-What-Anymore. Granted, we DO get more than a couple of arguments between the two, but…well, how do I put this?…You know how when there’s a personal issue with the team, Raph is usually Problem Turtle? Well, Raph is not Problem Turtle in this movie. He DOES do something that kinda screws things up bad, but in retrospect, if anyone is Problem Turtle in this movie, it’s Leo, and it’s not just a problem between those two, but the whole team. Donnie finds out that they can become human, and Leo, knowing that Raph and Mikey are the more sensitive of the team and how much they hate having to stick to the shadows, as well as how becoming human would kinda mess with the team’s overall effectiveness a bit, tells him to keep this between themselves. Of course, Michelangelo overhears anyway and tells Raph. What happens as a result is that we get it painted clear as day, and in fact, Splinter calls Leo out on this; Leo is a born leader when it comes to strategy and whatnot, but when it comes to balancing out the unique perspectives and character pros and cons of his brothers, he’s terrible, and he needs to figure out how to correct this problem. I thought analyzing that was a good idea. The resolution was a bit lacking, but it was still an aspect of the characters worth exploring.
I also really liked Bebop and Rocksteady. I don’t really understand why, in hindsight, it was necessary for Sheamus to completely change his hairstyle for this movie when he loses it upon becoming a mutant, and doing so instead has resulted in chants of “You look stupid!” for the past year, but whatever. There is one thing I have to nitpick, though: The way the mutagen works to turn Rocksteady and Bebop. Now, in the cartoon, they were mutated into a rhino and a warthog as they were the last creatures they came in contact with, and likely had residue of the creatures on their persons. It made sense. Here, the mutagen latches onto genetic markers that lead back to animals that the movie is pretending exists in us. It’s not even the animal spirit thing that the MMPR movie did, either. They specifically said it was in their genetic makeup. And without even missing a beat, with no regard for any of the looks I got, I just went “Of course! Don’t you know anything about science?!”
As far as some of the other characters go, I thought Kraang was silly, but in a way that works for him and harkens back great to the old cartoon. I thought it was a smart move that the Foot Clan are actually NINJAS in this movie, as opposed to whatever the hell they were supposed to be in the last one. I think they were just generic terrorists, but whatever. Shredder is played by someone else, but I don’t really mind that at all. What was funny was that I was about to comment how much I preferred the new, black, heavily-streamlined costume he wore in this one as opposed to when he was Shredder-tron in the last one…right before he was completely under-minded as a legit villain in this movie by Kraang. Casey was kinda on the bland side, but he was still okay. Of all the human characters in this movie, I probably felt for his situation most, although it was a weird direction when you’re more used to the more mainstream interpretations of the character. But again, he’s still alright…which is actually something that makes him better than pretty much every single human character on the good guys’ side in the entire movie. Really, the biggest problem this movie has is whenever we leave the Turtles and focus on the humans, because the good guys of the human cast are just not that interesting or engaging.
Which, of course, brings us to Megan Fox. I’m just gonna be blunt here, and I want everyone to understand where I’m coming from with this…It’s 2016, right? It’s 2016, and I’m still having it crammed down my throat that Megan Fox is sexy. You know? Like, it’s 20-fucking-16, and that’s STILL her only real contributor. Like, we can’t just have her ACT and get her roles over by acting, because that would require effort, so instead, we just gotta push Megan Fox out there, WITH TOP BILLING, FYI, and have her be sexy. I’m sorry, but she’s just not a good actress. I can’t pretend she is. And as far as the character of April as presented in this movie goes, I don’t even know where you go with her after this. She’s the Turtles’ connection to the human world. Fine. Guess what? We now have Casey and THE ENTIRE NYPD that can fill that role. And what is so perplexing about this is that this is all the same shit that happened with the Transformers movies, and Megan Fox quit those! Now she’s doing the same shit again, working under the same person she had problems with before! And she said she wanted to play the role because she really loved the character, and you know what, maybe she DOES love the character of April O’Neil. I’m not calling her a liar. That could very well be true. But even if it is, we have to accept one very important, minor issue: SHE’S NOT A GOOD ACTRESS! I do not spend money to go see a movie just because the actors are pretty. But, so long as we’re on the subject, not only is Stephen Amell’s performance in this movie better than Megan Fox’s, not only do I care a lot more for him and his back-story (admittedly, probably not as much as they want me to, but whatever), and not only does he play off the Turtles a bit better, but guess what? He’s also a lot prettier.
Anyway, overall, I still enjoyed this movie. When the story focuses on the personality traits and faults of the Turtles, as well as seeing them in action, it’s a good movie. Maybe not one you wanna think too hard about, but still is at least fun and worth checking out. And to be perfectly honest, I kinda knew, going in, what it was that REALLY was gonna make this movie much better than the previous one: They took the more absurd, insane, and just impossible-to-take-seriously aspects of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which, as an old-school fan, I can tell you, there are MANY of), and just had fun with them. It’s not ashamed to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It doesn’t try to hide any of these aspects. It just goes full-blown with them. And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. They iron out the other issues with the movies thus far, and the third one should be GREAT. So, lemme know what YOU thought of this movie (if you saw it, that is), and we’ll see if they learn anything more when it finally comes time for the third movie. Take us out, CD9.
…Oh yeah, and Baxter Stockman was annoying as shit, and the product placement was STILL really irritatingly blatant. lol Ja né!
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… … … … …Holy shit, they’re really doing Dimension X for this movie. o.O I mean, I kinda gathered they might be from the last trailer, but it never really hit me, and that’s because none of the other Ninja Turtles movies have EVER done Dimension X. It always seemed like it was just too outside the realm of possibility to do, and they’re doing it. And, I’ll be honest, I’m actually a little more hyped for this movie than the first one, mainly because they seem to be openly embracing the insanity of it all and are doing something none of the other movies have done up until now. So…yeah, if I have the money, I might just go check this out.
…Also, Krang totally needs to try and steal the Statue of Liberty. XD
So, as of late, I’ve been watching a lot of kNIGHTWING01, AKA Kwing, and his let’s plays. Specifically, I rather like his LPs of superhero related games with his wife, who is affectionately referred to as Kwife. And, of course, that means I’ve been watching along with his ‘Stealth Guide with Commentary’ of Batman: Arkham Knight, which I fully plan to do a story-only review of soon. In the meantime, though, I thought it’d be fun to list off some of my favourite moments watching along with this LP. So, in no particular order, here are my 5 Favourite Kwing Arkham Knight Let’s Play Moments. And just so you know, obviously, there’s gonna be some spoilers for both the LP and the game in this video.
There’s just something I love about how horrified he sounds when this happens. I’m not even 100% sure I know what the hell happened here. Basically, he was taking out some thugs protecting the missile launcher set up on Founders’ Island, and he hits the last one with a Batarang, and for some reason (likely a glitch), the guy fell THROUGH a solid grate and plummeted to the ground below. Apparently, in Batman: Arkham Knight, you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see a glitch make you the villain. XD
This admittedly took me a second viewing to fully get what the hell had happened. During one of the Gunrunner side-quest missions, the fleeing van that Kwing had to chase was suddenly stopped just up the road from where he was. Why? Because he’d earlier parked the Batmobile there, and much to his hilarity, the van could not, for whatever reason, steer around the thing, and just kept backing up and running into it for almost a full minute. Eventually, the chase part timed out and the van occupants declared that they “lost him”, even though the Batmobile was parked RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, and they steered off to go back to base for Kwing to follow them. This was AMAZING.
In all fairness to Kwing, based on a lot of videos I’ve seen of people playing this game, the Batmobile is not the easiest thing to control, and can have rather derpish moments. And sometimes, no matter how well planned you can be, accidents just happen. This is a combination of these kinds of moments. Right after escaping the exploding ruins of ACE Chemicals and talking with Alfred and Jim Gordon, Kwing decided to get back in the Batmobile. For some reason, it just proceeded to go drive backwards, right off the edge of the bridge, and splash into the river below. Y’know, Jimbo, I don’t think that THIS is how the Batman died. And somewhere, I’m sure that Harley Quinn was playing Amazing Grace on her kazoo in honour of the Dark Knight, who fell tragically because his car was stupid. LOL
Okay, technically, I’m cheating with this one, as it alludes specifically to a video he did outside of the LP. However, since he did allude to it throughout the series, mainly as he was playing the Matter of Family DLC, I feel justified in bringing up how he called WB Montreal out for their bullshit yet again. If you aren’t aware, Warner Bros. Games Montreal did both the Matter of Family DLC, and Batman: Arkham Origins, and in both of these, they’ve managed to royally screw up the overarching story of the Arkham games. I’ll leave it up to him to explain in detail exactly what’s wrong with this, but the short version is that Tim Drake’s presence makes no sense in the grand scheme of things and only continues to force a relationship that fans already admitted to hating down their throats. Because, hey, it’s not like DC has done THAT anytime recently, right?
So, um… … …there’re a lot of jump scares in this game. This one in particular scared me so bad that a little pee came out, and I think the same can be said for Kwife. Kwing had just found out about another body that had been strung up somewhere in Gotham and was gonna go investigate. So, he grapples up to a rooftop, all the while chatting about the Flashpoint Batman skin he was wearing, when, from outta NOWHERE, fucking Man-Bat pops out and scares the shit outta us! Between its roaring and Kwife’s terrified screams, I had to pause and turn down the volume on my speakers, it was so loud! WTF, Rocksteady?! LOL
Anyway, those are my favourite moments of Kwing’s LP. Make sure to go check it out, like, comment, and subscribe to his stuff, and hopefully he enjoys this little bit of free publicity. lol Ja né, and happy gaming!