Linkara Headed To Florida For Convention, This Will Not End Well (NOTE – CONTAINS A FICTIONALIZED NEWS ARTICLE)

So apparently, Linkara is headed to Orlando for a convention called Mythicon. This should prove to be quite the event, and as always, I look forward to seeing what comic he decided to review for the live show. But as we were reading this, PinkRangerWannabe and I decided “Wait, wait, there’s a joke to be made here”. And I tweeted most of what we came up with, but I realized a ways in that it was simply too much for a series of tweets to contain, so instead I decided to write it up here. So, while this is a parody of a news article, and therefore you do not have to do this for realsies, kindly imagine yourself downing headache medication, as we we open up the fictional file of…

So let’s get right to the headline that I would piss myself laughing if I found myself reading it…

Tourist Is Arrested After Punching Out Police Officer, Witnesses Claim He Said “You Might Be The Law…BUT I AM A MAN!”

“Orlando police responded to a disturbance at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant located on Colonial Drive, apparently started by a tourist from Minnesota who had traveled down to Orlando for the upcoming Mythicon convention. The accused was said to have been demanding free chicken tenders after a teenager working in the kitchen got his order wrong. A yelling match and a fist fight lead to an employee calling the police. The man is said to have been threatening to unleash an army of Cybermats, a fictional insect-like cyborg from the popular British television series, Doctor Who. Said Cybermats turned out to be plushies, which the Minnesotan made himself, that several women on the force have decided to ‘confiscate’.”

Oh wait, people, it gets better. “The man was apprehended and taken into custody, but became violent again after kicking over a lamp at the OPD. When asked why he did this, he proceeded to simply grumble to himself about the shape and colouring of said lamp, and refused to comment further. After failed attempts at questioning him, the Minnesotan was placed in a jail cell, following a phone call and a request for reading material. 4 hours later, a man who looked surprisingly similar to the arrested man arrived to provide bail, but had to be detained as well because he had brought a tommy gun into the police department. Both men were forced to remain at the OPD until the next morning, when they were bailed out by the first man’s mother and what appeared to be a blue robot made out of cardboard.”

…Yeah, Lewis is gonna murder me for this one. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first ever fictionalized Tale of Dumbassery, and lemme know if this is something I should ever try again. Ja né!