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What’s Happening With Me

Okay, so I guess I got a few people concerned about what’s going on with me and why I posted what I did. Am I going back on that decision? I honestly don’t know. Still, I think I should probably elaborate more on what’s been going on with me.

I got so frustrated with the quality of the show, and how I couldn’t improve at all. I tried integrating a storyline into my show, it didn’t take off well. I bought a new digital camcorder for less than 30 bucks, turned out to be a piece of crap. I got new microphones, they chose not to work…Well okay, I got one to work, after a few hours of fiddling with it. And all the while, I kept looking to what the view count was like.

Linkara says to not let the viewcount bother me, my friends, my family, even my gir-…Even Christy, who said she found my stuff kinda boring and uninteresting, told me that I should continue if I honestly still enjoyed making them. The only problem being, I don’t know that that’s enough, and I wanna explain where I’m coming from with that.

When I was, I dunno, 14 or so, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. This meant I was, by technicality, autistic. After a while, I got so frustrated with school that I quit in my second year of Grade 11, meaning I do not have my high school diploma. Oh, I eventually went after my GED, but when an employer has to make a call between a high school graduate and someone with a GED, who do you think he’s gonna hire?

So for 7 years now I’ve been working as a client in a job training facility for people with special needs (the name of which shall remain anonymous due to how much I’ve ranted about stuff that’s happened there). Now that’s not so bad, there’s actually been people working there for MUCH longer. It’s just that that’s not what I want for myself, and I get the feeling that if nothing changes, that’s what’ll happen. And as long as I’m there, I’m being paid a VERY pitiful amount, thus resulting in my living with my parents at age 26 (going on 27 in June) when what I want is to move into a place for me and for Christy…possibly with an overhead apartment where N. Harmonik could grow old. LOL

So that’s when I noticed how I seemed to be pretty good at blogs and felt that I could make the transition to videos, thus creating…

Yeah, that. And it was wonderous to be doing that on YouTube, but what I REALLY wanted was to build up a fan-base so I could then move to Blip and make a living off my show that I honestly enjoyed doing…However, despite encouragement from JewWario today, I felt a GREAT hesitation, even the desire to say screw it all due to all my frustrations coming together, like a Megazord of negativity…Ooh, or a “Negazord”.

Finally, after Christy said what she said, which I asked her to do by the way. I don’t want anyone holding negative feelings for her because of that, because I asked her to tell me how she really felt about it, but when she did, I’ve gone from being so angry that I’ve wanted to delete every last thing related to my blog, to crying for what felt like hours because it was over, to being frustrated because I know how little people think of me and yet my Mom and Morgan Meryl and Lewis keep telling me to do what I want…and I just don’t know what to do right now.

I will say this much though: If I do plan to continue, then I have a huge project in store for the anniversary of this blog, which is April 11th. I am going to do a review of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Now, I know Linkara already did this movie, but the more I thought it over, the more I realised that every little frigging detail about that movie needs to be touched on for just how STUPID it is. I could spend the entire MONTH talking about how fugging dumb it is.

Seriously, who let the little kid drive??? O_O

So yeah, I know I say this a lot, but I really and truly mean it this time: If you read this all the way through, PLEASE COMMENT. No really, PLEASE COMMENT. I want to know what you think of all of this, if I should continue on with my plans, WHATEVER.