Monthly Archives: March 2013

What If The Justice League Was Composed Of Only Women?

Continuing my look at all my favourite women of various medias that I’ve been doing as of late (don’t ask me why, I have no idea), I was going to pick my favourite DC women, but then I thought to myself “No. Do something different for this one.” So instead, I’ve decided to look at a What If scenario, like what if all the men of the Justice League were kidnapped or something and it was up to Wonder Woman to assemble an all woman Justice League to rescue them?

Now, keep in mind that I’m not taking continuity and whatnot into account, so villains are actually up for grabs here. Also, trying to keep this a balanced team both in powers and also colour-scheme, because I believe a team should have varying colours, unlike the current Teen Titans which is mostly red. So, skipping past Wonder Woman since she’s already kind of an obvious pick…

Diana of Themyscira, AKA Wonder Woman

…here are the women I think I’d like to see in this scenario.

The Queen of Atlantis and controller of all water, how could you not include Mera? Now for those unfamiliar with Mera who might be asking how that’s intimidating, I want you to think about something: 50-65% of the average adult human body is made up of water. Mera can literally set your insides against you if she chooses. In other words, NEVER PISS HER OFF.

Kara Zor-L, AKA Power Girl

Obviously ignoring CERTAIN continuities here. It’s kind of hard to deny Power Girl‘s place on a Justice League that lacks Superman since she has all the same strengths and weaknesses as the Man of Steel. Plus, she has certain…erm, features that tend to distract people, which just makes it all the easier for her to punch a sucker out. Obviously, Kryptonite and magical attacks would be a problem for her, but she’s usually smart enough to avoid those anyway.

Pamela Isley, AKA Poison Ivy

Yeah, like you didn’t see THIS coming. lol For realsies, though, Poison Ivy’s control over all plant-life would be useful depending on the situation, as is her ability to “influence” people to do as she asks. The only problem is that…well, you’d wanna keep a close eye on her is all. I know I’m ignoring continuity, but I’ve never known a version of Pamela Isley that wasn’t at least a little troublesome and hard to trust.

Mary, AKA Strix

A former Talon of the Court of Owls, I like to think of Mary as being the writers’ way of being allowed to write Cassandra Cain without actually writing Cassandra Cain. As an ex-assassin, she’s perfectly capable of sneaking into complexes and quietly disabling guards, and considering that she has a compound in her blood that makes her immortal, her only weakness is to the cold. Otherwise, you cannot stop her. Ever.

Jesse Chambers, AKA Jesse Quick

Armed with the strength of her mother, Liberty Belle, and the ability to tap into the Speed Force, Jessie Quick seems like a natural pick for this group. So not only can she move like The Flash, but she can do so while carrying a bus-load of people. And hey, considering the amount of times fights break out in heavily populated cities, it’s good to have someone around like that who can do stuff like that.

Kendra Saunders, AKA Hawkgirl

Yeah, kinda biased here as I was a big fan of the Justice League cartoon. To be fair, though, she’s a very capable fighter, a graceful flyer, and of course, that mace of hers is probably tough enough to knock Superman around! If that doesn’t qualify her, I don’t know what does! o.O

Rachel Roth, AKA Raven

Say it with me now: “Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!” Raven is telekinetic, empathic, has limited precognition, some forms of sorcery, and can control and manipulate the shadows and anything within them. The only thing you wanna watch out for is that her empathic powers can come back to bite her on occasion, and she also has this little tendency to turn evil every so often since her Dad likes to mess with her head.

Katherine Kane, AKA Batwoman

Again, if you’re forming a team to save the men of the Justice League, who better to go save Batman than Batwoman? She’s a skilled martial artist and detective, has a vast knowledge of military protocol, and has the finances to build various gadgetry like Batarangs, a grappling hook, bladed gauntlets, and a glider-cape.

Barbara Gordon, AKA Oracle

And of course, since every team needs a little back-up in case of emergencies, who better to have their back than Oracle? Her computer hacking skills are freaking legendary, thus making her the digital eyes and ears of the Justice League.

And those are my picks for if the Justice League was made up of only women. Have a different line-up, by all means, post it below, and I will see y’all later. Ja né!

Batman & Robin For The Next Few Months + Who I’d Team Up With Batman

So apparently for the next few months, Peter Tomasi‘s Batman and Robin book is going be undergoing a bit of a new direction. First up, as I reported before, Batman and Robin #18 will be a silent comic. No text balloons, no sound effects, nothing. Just Bruce silently contemplating what he’s lost. Afterwards, for the next few months, Batman’s gonna be teaming with various members of the Bat Family, one per issue. It’ll start with #19 being Batman and Red Robin (YAY!), then Batman and Red Hood, Batman and Batgirl, Batman and Catwoman, and then Batman and Nightwing…which is odd, since I’d last heard he was headed for Chicago, but oh well.

Now, I like this idea, but I do wish others were getting in on this. Now granted, probably the reason they aren’t is because that would stretch this a bit longer than they’re planning to, but it still would be neat to see, so let’s take a look at some of the other characters I’d have team up with Batman for this angle. Also, I apologise as a few of these pics actually have Dick Grayson as Batman and not Bruce Wayne.

Batman and Squire

Because gosh darnit, I’m horrified that DC otherwise plans to just shove her aside now that her partner Knight passed away. And it’s easy enough to make it work, like he goes to the UK to help her with a case, or she spends a few days at the mansion because she needs the confidence booster before going it alone. And they would have common ground, since they both just lost their partners.

Batman and Batwoman

Other than a couple of cameos that Batman has made in Batwoman and the one time she cameo’d in Batman: The Dark Knight, these two really haven’t had much interaction as of late. I’m not really sure why that is, either. She’s like the only member of the Bat Family who doesn’t work underneath him (shut up, don’t make that joke) in any sort of sense, and yet she’s the only one who doesn’t team with him. What’s that all about?

Batman and Stephanie Brown (I don’t care what her alias is)

Ugh, I get it, okay? The chances of ever seeing Stephanie Brown again are paper-thin. I’m just saying, it’d make for a good team-up. Leave me and the characters I love alone, Dan Didio. I hate you.

Batman and Cyborg

Batman and Cyborg

This one’s a little different, but basically it’s born out of one thing: Cyborg is the only member of the Justice League who does not have his own book. Therefore, the only time he appears outside it is when he cameos in other people’s books, and even then, he doesn’t do that very often. Give Vic some love, writers.

Batman and Huntress

Batman and Huntress

Suddenly noticing a lot of these are women. lol Anyway, I know I said that Helena Wayne was among the possible candidates to be the next Robin, but considering she’s like 23…yeah, kinda old for that. But I would like to see a story involving the two. Maybe not even being a full team-up, just Huntress working from the shadows to help her sort-of father, only for it to turn out in the end that he knows everything and that she was there and so on.

So yeah, that’s my two cents on the matter. I still suspect this to be cool, though. Ja né!

What I Bought Today – Detective Comics #18, Earth 2 #10 (WARNING – SPOILERS)

Well, one week has passed since Damian‘s passing, and I’m still feeling kinda down about it, but it’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to look at…

What I Bought Today

So let’s kick off by getting back to Batman with Detective Comics #18.

Poor Bruce. First his parents, then Jason, now this…:(

Okay, first off, while I appreciate the Requiem bits that are gonna be in every Bat Family book this month, it’s very clear that it was kinda tacked on with Detective Comics, and honestly it just invites WAY more questions than DC is willing to answer regarding timelines in the books. By the way, if you’ve been following along, they don’t ever try to attempt to explain how these events fall into a timeline. I think the closest we’ve ever come to that was Snyder leaving mention in Batman #13 that it had been a year since Joker had disappeared at the end of Detective Comics #1.

Okay, mini-rant over. As for the story itself, awesome. Penguin manages to get himself set free after getting roped up in Joker’s plans in Death of the Family, and then finds out that Ogilvy screwed him over. Meanwhile, after spending a moment to mourn the loss of his son, Batman returns to the Batcave to learn that apparently Joker let one of the inmates loose: Zsasz. Frakking ZSASZ! Also, he has run into Ogilvy, who has given him a Court of Owls blade and set him on Penguin’s allies. The good news is, when Batman catches Penguin causing a fracas after going to the zoo for weapons he’d stashed there, Penguin tells him his lawyers will get him out of this, only for Batman to reply that Zsasz murdered them. However, it seems that Emperor Penguin has decided Batman has served his purpose and now seeks to get rid of him. Oh, I know, big scary mob boss wants to kill Batman, how terrifying. Well, it seems he’s got a trick up his sleeve. Remember that woman who was part of Casey’s group in Talon? The one who left the League of Assassins? Well, in exchange for protection from Talia al Ghul, she gives Ogilvy the FRAKKING MAN-BAT SERUM! OH GOODY! That’s gonna go over so great, especially if Batman ever finds out the connections with her and Casey’s group. And he’s already keeping an eye out on Calvin’s operations.

Before I talk about this month’s issue of Earth 2, I thought I’d bring up some info I heard. Apparently the current plan is to plant seeds for an eventual crossover between the events of Earth 2 and the JSA and the mainstream universe of DC. When is this gonna take place? 2014. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be late 2014. WOW. I don’t know if that’s brilliant or stupid. I guess it’ll just depend on how this is set up. Although this makes World’s Finest all the more pointless a book since we now know that they aren’t getting home any time soon. Also, it furthers my point that there needs to be more than one book telling this story, like one focusing on the JSA and another focusing on the stuff involving Sloan and Steppenwolf.

So yeah, Earth 2 #10 is…well, it’s weird, but it’s fun weird. We get a little bit of background involving Khalid, who is Dr. Fate before he becomes Dr. Fate, and Kendra, where we see her get her wings and Khalid obtain the Helmet of Fate. Cut back to the present where Jay Garrick, his mom, and Khalid are held in the Realm of Nabu by Karel Wotan who talks WAYYYYYYY too much to be perfectly honest. The gist of what’s going on is that Wotan is making Flash and Khalid go find the Helmet, which Khalid sent away due to the effects it was having on his sanity, or Wotan will kill Jay’s mom. So where did Khalid hide the Helmet? The frakking Tower of Babel! Oh, and at the very end is this freaking monster that’s apparently guarding the Helmet. Khalid, you were one of those kids who tried way too hard and got way too creative playing hide and seek, weren’t you?

The other thing going on in this book is that Green Lantern is in Wuxi to see Sam’s father, who, while he disapproved of Sam’s relationship with Alan, at least saw how happy he was with Alan. Alan feels guilt over what happened to Sam, feeling that Sam only died because someone detonated the train Alan was on, but it seems that Sam’s father did some digging. The target was never Alan, it was Sam all along. This sets GL after some gang (I’m assuming the Chinese Triad, I don’t know), who, I guess, were the ones who set the bomb, but none of them know why the hit was placed on Sam. As such, Alan goes to Louisiana to meet with Hawkgirl, who is cleaning out a Parademon cell she’d been looking for, and tells her that he may have been wrong before and that he needs her help.

So yeah, this was a fun week comics wise. Next week…oh boy, next week we get into some awkward territory as we look at Batman #18, Batgirl #18, and Batman and Robin #18. Ja né!

…Does anybody else hear Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave when they see this? Is it just because it’s the saddest theme I can think of? 😥

Jyger’s Favourite 10?! – 10 Favourite Animated Women of All Time

Okay, same rules apply last time, only this time I’m looking at 10 of my all time favourite animated women. So let’s go ahead and kick this off with one I’m sure some were probably surprised wasn’t in the animated hotties list…

#1 – Wonder Woman from Justice League

Although I also count the 2009 movie version as tied with it, since they’re both different takes on the same character and are both AWESOME.

Wonder Woman from the 2009 Wonder Woman Movie

I don’t get why, given my love of dark-haired strong women, but I don’t feel physically attracted to Wonder Woman. Maybe it’s just because my love of the character in other ways just completely overwhelms that. She’s an inspiration among DC Superheroes, men and women, for her strength, honour, and compassion. What I don’t get is why that seems so hard for others to get. The worst example is the version that appeared in the pilot for the 2011 Wonder Woman series that, thank goodness, never came to fruition. Then again, as Lewis Lovhaug has brought up, she IS something of a walking contradiction at times, because while she IS the most compassionate and loving of the Justice League, if you wanna fight a war, you bring Wonder Woman. Still, if you want good examples of her, watch the 2009 movie or the Justice League cartoon.

#2 – Tish from The Weekenders

I know a lot of people really liked the show Recess, but I was always way more into The Weekenders, and Tish is easily my favourite part of the show. Intelligent, clever, witty, and also possessing the occasional hilarious quirk. I think my favourite is when she starts talking like cheesy old-school detectives for an entire weekend after having a marathon of detective movies…Just trust me, it’s funnier than I’m making it sound.

#3 – Yuki Nagato from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Yeah, kinda saw this coming, huh? What with the character N. Harmonik played on my show basically being Yuki. I really feel like they should’ve done a spin-off show that centres around her. I’ve already reviewed one of my favourite episodes of the show, which really helps to show just why Nagato is so awesome. In addition to that, while they technically aren’t in canon with either the show or the manga, I highly recommend watching the episodes of Haruhi-chan that centre around her. They are some of the funniest things I have EVER seen, and while she occasionally breaks out of her usual character, she mostly stays true to it just enough to make what she does in the show all the funnier.

#4 – Dawn from Pokémon

I’ve mentioned this before, but Dawn is easily my favourite of the female protagonists from the Pokémon anime. First off, she wasn’t really so much a tomboy like Misty or May were before her, which made her a bit more fresh a character to have around. She was also quite clever with her moves in Contests, and as I’ve brought up before, she acted as a bit of an inspiration for Ash, her Contest moves giving Ash ideas for tactics to use in battle. And when she was down in the dumps and on her losing streak, you genuinely felt bad for her. I think my favourite episodes of hers was when they went to Veilstone City and Dawn helped to bring Maylene out of her funk with a Gym Battle, then went on to cheer both Maylene and Ash in their battle the next episode.

#5 – Raven from Teen Titans

Like I said before, Raven was just pure awesomeness on Teen Titans. A lot of times she acted as a foil for Beast Boy and his repeated failed attempts at being funny, which honestly I found WAY funnier than anything Beast Boy ever did on his own. The dark nature of her powers and, in turn, her personality, made her unique on a team that was usually pretty bright and chipper. But as time went on, you really saw just how much her friends really mattered to her, to the point where her sort of heel turn was only done so that her friends would remain unharmed, and even then it was the love for her friends and their love for her that brought her back to good.

#6 – Cybersix from…well, Cybersix

Huh, I sense a number 6 theme. Anyway, Cybersix is just awesome in every way. I mean really, can you get much more badass than a super-heroine who leaps from building-tops, getting the drop on mutants in a kickass costume she stole from a prostitute?…Okay, that little bit wasn’t in the cartoon, just the comics. However, seeing as how they never addressed where it came from in the show, I therefore consider it to still be canon in the cartoon. Also, in a nice twist on the old-fashioned cunning disguise of a pair of hipster glasses, she also disguises herself as a man to hide her identity…so that she can spend more time with her love interest…Okay, suddenly this turned kinda stalkerish. lol

#7 – Rika Nonaka from Digimon

Rika played an interesting position on the Digimon Tamers team, as the one with all the attitude on previous teams (and every team since) was a boy. Yeah, she kind of had a more antagonistic relation to the team early on, but as time went by, she came to accept the fact that they were a team and that these were her friends. Also, she was the most adept at DigiModifying in battle, and unlike other female DigiDestined to come before her, her partner actually reached the Mega Level, though admittedly one other female DigiDestined has reached the same achievement, and two of Rika’s predecessors reached the Mega Level in the Digimon Adventure game for the PSP.

#8 – Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon

The most hot-tempered (and hot bodied, :3) of the Sailor Scouts, Sailor Mars is easily my favourite character of that show. Armed with the fire of Mars and the abilities of a Shinto priestess, Rei Hino served as the second-in-command of the team, and probably one of the more potent fighters of the group. As I mentioned before, she had a bit of an attitude problem early on in that she refused to acknowledge Serena as the leader, but put yourself in her shoes (which might be hard, considering I have NO idea how she runs and fights in those high heels, but whatever): You’re one of the strongest and most talented members of the team, and yet THIS klutz…

…is the leader. You don’t know why, you don’t know what she could’ve possibly done to deserve it, you’re just asked to accept it. Would YOU be okay with that? After the truth of Serena’s past as Princess of the Moon Kingdom was revealed, though, and more of Serena’s more compassionate side came out, Rei kinda chilled a little bit, and most of her issues with Serena afterwards was more friendly rivalry/teasing.

#9 – Akiza Izinski from Yugioh 5D’s

For me, Akiza is easily the greatest female character from the entirety of Yugioh. She has the sex appeal and raw Dueling talent of Mai Valentine and Alexis Rhodes, and when she realised that Yusei was trying to help her, she gained the appreciation for friendship of Téa Gardner without having to become a glorified cheerleader. She was also a Psychic Duelist, and could materialise Duel Monsters for real, an ability that saved their asses more than once. I do wish that she had gained an advanced Synchro Monster like Yusei and Jack did, but considering that by the end she was still able to kick some ass without one, she may not have needed it.

So yeah, yer thinking to yourself, “Go ahead, Jyger. We know who #10 is, so just get it over with”. Well, believe it or not, my last pick might just surprise you a bit…

#10 – Barbara Gordon from Batman: The Animated Series

Yes, I’ve gone on and on and on about how hot Poison Ivy is. However, the fact is, I find Barbara’s run throughout Batman: The Animated Series, as well as her role in Batman Beyond, to make her a bit more interesting character to follow. She started her run in the show as just Commissioner Gordon’s daughter and a love interest for Dick Grayson, which inevitably got her into trouble at times, but she eventually decided to don her own cape and cowl, becoming Batgirl. At first, Bruce and Dick weren’t all that pleased by her presence, but after a while, Bruce welcomed her onto the team, becoming Batman’s partner whenever Robin wasn’t available. At some point after the death of the Joker, she retired her position and became a cop, eventually rising to the same position her father had once held, which is admittedly very different from what became of her in the comics, but still makes sense from a storyline perspective. I like it. What I don’t like is the idea that her and Bruce were in a romantic relationship at some point…Ew…She was initially distrustful of Terry, AKA Batman Beyond, but after some time working together, they eventually came to have a similar relationship her father had once had with Batman in a sort of everything-old-is-new-again type of deal.

So that’s my 10 Favourite Animated Women of All Time. Now if you’re wondering why certain women aren’t on here, don’t worry, I plan to do a list of honourable mentions later, but for now, this is the list as it stands. Feel free to discuss below and also compile your own lists if you’d like. Ja né!

Jyger’s Favourite 5 – 5 Favourite Animated Hotties

…*sighs* Yes, I’m doing this, okay? And yes, I know I’m coming off as an objective pig here. Don’t worry, I plan to do my favourite animated women based on actual character later, but I DO gotta play to the male demographic here, so what can I do? Not to say that these women aren’t strong characters either, mind you, and most will likely end up on that list too…which will mean it’ll probably be more than 5. But before I get to this, I need to set some ground rules.

  1. No hentai. So Reika Kitami is unfortunately out.
  2. No anthropomorphics. Not because I personally have any kind of issue with it, I just don’t want to open the door to THAT little argument that never wants to frigging go away. lol
  3. Only one entry per franchise. So if I pick someone from say Batman The Animated Series (and I did, lol), I can’t pick anyone else from it.
  4. This is JUST MY LIST. I am not arguing with anyone else’s, it’s just my list. So don’t freak out if one of yours isn’t on here or if I don’t include any from other well-known lists, AKA Doug Walker’s.
  5. For anyone who finds this particularly distasteful for any reason, TURN AWAY NOW. This is your only warning.

Anyway, with all that said, let’s go ahead and get the obvious one outta the way…

#1 – Poison Ivy from Batman: The Animated Series

I’m well aware that getting involved with this woman could be hazardous to my health, but I might just chance it, honestly. Now I should note that I’m referring to the version we saw before the big art change. I never really liked when they changed her skin green. And yeah, I know they did it in the comics, but I really liked how Ivy looked with normal looking skin (no racist jokes, you know what I mean, people).

#2 – Rei Hino, AKA Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon

As anyone who knows me personally can tell you, I have a MASSIVE weakness for women with dark hair. I also find myself hopelessly attracted to strong women. Put them together and you get Sailor Mars. OH MAN, do I love Sailor Mars. Yeah, she was kind of a dick in the early episodes, but to be fair, Serena was kind of a screw up and a ditz, and it must’ve been hard to accept her as a leader, but she eventually did and mellowed out a bit.

#3 – Raven from Teen Titans

Yeah, I know a lot of people prefer Starfire, but I was more a Raven kind of guy. Her sarcasm, her dark nature, and honestly, I found her to be kind of hot too. She also seemed kind of lonely at times, like no one really understood her, which on at least one occasion caused trouble for her. Oh, and I would just like to note that unlike the comics, Raven only turned heel one time in the show, and even then not really.

#4 – Akiza from Yugioh 5D’s

Beware the coming of the uber boob! XD Seriously, I suspect the real reason Bonds Beyond Time didn’t feature all three casts interacting was because they couldn’t risk putting Akiza and Mai Valentine in the same shot for fear it would cause the big screen to implode. I think probably my favourite episode of the show is when Akiza decides for herself that she wants to be a Turbo Duelist as well and really struggles to make it happen. It took a lot of guts…as well as a skin tight leather riding suit that made her cleavage look ginormous. Y’know, for kids. lol

#5 – Elisa Maza from Gargoyles

Like I said, I find myself hopelessly attracted to strong women… … …She’s a cop! And not just a cop in any ol’ city, she’s with the NYPD in a universe filled with all manners of terrifying threats. That requires some serious inner strength to deal with, and we see her get taken to the limits of that inner strength more than once.

So, that’s my list for my favourite animated hotties, but we’re not done yet my friends. Check in next time when I reveal my 10 Favourite Animated Women of All Time! Ja né!

Jyger’s Rant – Mystery at the Lighthouse Review

Well, welcome to the first of my text-only reviews! I’m basically gonna follow the same pattern as before, doing animation and tokusatsu, but since these aren’t videos, I guess I don’t need to worry about cut-off dates anymore. However, I do feel the need to get caught up on my Pokémon anime reviews, so let’s start off with Mystery at the Lighthouse.

Okay, really quick thing I need to get outta the way first, this episode is kind of a classic, what with this being the thirteenth episode and all. And God forbid I should be allowed to talk crap about one of the classic episodes, right? WRONG. If an episode of a show has legitimate problems with it, I’m gonna bring it up. I don’t care if it’s a classic or not. You can still like it, that’s not the problem at all. I’m just saying there are some things that require a closer look at. So for today, what I’m gonna do is give a quick run-through of the plot first, then present my points about what I didn’t like about it afterwards. Feel free to agree or disagree, it’s just my opinion, and all I ask is that you honestly think about it.

So the episode starts with Ash, Misty, and Brock traversing a Route on their way to Vermillion City, and we get a brief recap of how Ash now has two badges and a full team of six Pokémon: Pikachu, Pidgeotto, Butterfree, Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. And let’s be honest folks, when you got Pokémon Yellow, you tried playing it with that exact same team, right? Misty argues that Ash didn’t earn his badges in that they were given to him by people who felt sorry for him, and that he didn’t catch his Pokémon, they followed him. Ash decides to prove he can catch a Pokémon, and so he runs off looking for new Pokémon, eventually finding a Krabby at the beach. He catches it, but the Poké Ball disappears. Misty and Brock explain that when a Trainer catches more than 6 Pokémon, the additional Pokémon is sent to the person who gave that Trainer his first Pokémon, AKA Professor Oak. He can do a swap using a function on the Pokédex, but doesn’t want to and would rather find a phone to call and make sure Krabby’s okay. Fortunately, as is often the case with these guys, there just happens to be a lighthouse nearby. The owner of the lighthouse is a man named Bill, who allows them to call Professor Oak, confirming that Ash’s Krabby is doing just fine and that Gary has also caught a Krabby. Much to Ash’s amazement/annoyance, it’s frigging gigantic. Professor Oak asks Bill to give the group a few lessons on Pokémon, since apparently Bill knows even more about Pokémon than Oak himself.

After a brief situation where they have to help Bill get out of a Kabuto costume that he got himself stuck in, Bill tells them all about Pokémon and humans and how there’s a meaning for us all and how we should all get along, yada yada yada, when he brings up that there’s one Pokémon he’s searching for, supposedly the biggest Pokémon known to man. Once again, wonder of wonders, the Pokémon just happens to show up that night, but Team Rocket learn of it and try to capture it, attacking it with bazookas. The Pokémon smashes up the upper part of the lighthouse and wipes the floor with Team Rocket, leaving the lighthouse and going back out to sea despite Bill’s pleas. By the next morning though, Bill is happy to have seen it at all and is hopeful it may come back one day as Ash and Co. leave.

Now that general plot on its own works alright, but there’re a few things that REALLY bother me. To start, let’s look at the very first and quite possibly the biggest thing about this episode that kinda hits my berserk button.

#1 – Misty Is Kind Of A Bitch In This Episode

So according to Misty, Ash didn’t earn either of his badges and all of his Pokémon just kinda followed him around, basically calling him the very crappiest like no one ever was. You know, I remember back in the day thinking about how funny it was when Misty would slap the idiot Ash down, but nowadays I can actually look at her standpoint and realise how full of crap she is. First off, regarding the badges, Ash would’ve beaten Brock but chose not to finish the battle since Brock’s Onix getting weakened by the sprinklers going off was just an accident, and he would’ve beaten YOU, Misty, if Pikachu had been the one to battle to begin with and MAY have beaten you anyway if Team Rocket hadn’t intervened. Now about his Pokémon, Pikachu was given to him as his starter, but he did legit catch Pidgeotto and Butterfree, who was a Caterpie at the time, in the wild. Bulbasaur chose to follow him, but only AFTER Ash proved himself by defeating and catching him, and Charmander and Squirtle chose to follow him after Ash proved his good character to them and that he would be a kind and worthy trainer to them. Oh, and it’s made SO much better in the dub where she has the major base in her voice that makes her sound REALLY condescending. And yeah, I called Misty a bitch. Let’s face it, in the early episodes of the show, she was a bitch! As much as people complain about Togepi on the show sometimes, some of Misty’s best character development came as a result of taking care of Togepi. At this point, her gimmick was that she loved Water Pokémon and bringing Ash down whether he deserved it or not, I.E. being a bitch. I’ve got more I could say, but I’m saving that for a later episode.

#2 – The Pokédex’s Teleportation Function

I should probably take this moment to note that at no time is this function EVER used, rather that Ash makes switches using a transporter at the various Pokémon Centres, not unlike the PC Storage System from the games. It’s also worth noting that Best Wishes changed it so that the Poké Balls weren’t teleported away after they were caught past the 6 Pokémon limit, they instead were locked down until enough Pokémon were teleported to whomever was storing them for the Trainer to leave them with 6. And as much as I’d love to bitch and moan about Best Wishes again…I actually like that idea. Makes more sense than them immediately teleporting ON THEIR OWN. Granted, it goes against how the game works, but I think if we’ve established ANYTHING above all else regarding the anime, the anime and the game are not the same thing.

#3 – The Doors To Bill’s Lighthouse

This is more of a technical problem than anything, and one that people have pointed out before, but I felt the need to add my two cents as well. First off, I’ll point out that in the next full shot of the doors we see…

…that the arrangement of some the Pokémon carved on them is different. But that’s not the big issue I have, it’s one of the Pokémon found on the door: Mewtwo. What is Mew-frakking-two doing on there? If my understanding of the anime’s timeline is correct, Mewtwo should’ve been, at best, a foetus growing in a test tube in the labs on New Island. There is no way that Bill would know of its existence unless he was in on that little deal, which would kinda paint everything that happens in this episode in a new, more horrifying light.

#4 – All The Dub Changes

Okay, I kind of alluded to this earlier with Misty, but in the original, she just asked if Ash getting his full team of six should really count as him catching them or not, to which he says it was close enough. Meanwhile in the dub, she outright tells him he’s wrong and that they all followed him, which I already explained is bullcrap. Then there’s this stupid running gag they added involving Oak and Bill having cooks who went on vacation that left them having to make tofu meals. Umm, what? Why is that funny? Is it because tofu sounds weird? I’m gonna guess that was their reasoning since all other Japanese food names were replaced in the dub, as a part of the dub’s writers’ constant need to remove all trace elements of Japan from the show…and failing miserably.

#5 – The Changes To Bill From The Games To The Anime

Okay, I know that characters who were in the game and were brought over to the show have been changed up. Still, they had SOME aspect of their video game counterparts in them. This version of Bill is NOTHING like his video game counterpart. He lives in a lighthouse instead of a cottage, he has green hair instead of brown, and he’s some kind of Pokémon expert and philosopher instead of the inventor of the PC system. In fact, I don’t get why they don’t use that, considering what happened in the opening act of the episode with Ash catching his seventh Pokémon. And that kind of leads me into the big one…

#6 – Bill Is A Frakking MORON!

And I’d like to break down exactly what I mean in this very simple list.

  1. Why does Bill not know what Pokémon the giant is? He’s supposed to be an expert, he has holographic images of every one of the original 150 he can put up around his room, and yet he doesn’t know that’s a Dragonite. Hell, the Pokédex fricking makes mention of Dragonite in the very next episode! Speaking of which, I call foul on that Dragonite being the biggest Pokémon ever known, I’m certain we’ve seen bigger in the show.
  2. He says that the Pokémon is the last of its kind, even though we know that’s bunk. Now, I’ve heard people suggest that he simply meant the last of its kind of that size, but considering he never refers to it by species, I’m going to assume the more likely answer is that Bill is an idiot.
  3. He gets into a Kabuto costume where the only method of getting out of it is a button on the outside that he cannot reach while in the costume…I don’t even need to say anything else!

I mean, we’re supposed to believe that he’s smarter than Professor Oak? He comes across as a twit most of the time, and when he’s philosophising, it comes across as pretentious bunk. And don’t tell me “Well, c’mon Jyger. Should you really be so critical of a kids show?” Well first off, you can call me Jeff, we’re all friends here. Second, yes, it’s a kids show, but that doesn’t excuse stupidity. Kids shows can be kids shows and still be smartly written…And speaking of this being a kids show, I’d just like to say that I WOULD mention the bazookas in a kids show, but that seems more like something I should bring up looking at the series in general.

Final Thoughts

So yeah, how does this episode hold up? Well, as you can tell, there’s plenty wrong with it. Still, there are some genuinely cool moments, as well as some plain insane moments that Season 1 was known for. If you like it, fine, but I personally do not.

And that’s my thoughts on Mystery At The Lighthouse. Lemme know what you think of this text review, as next time I’m gonna be looking at a little something that was requested a while back: A two-parter from the Justice League cartoon called Hereafter. Ja né!